I am happy with comfort zones

I am tired of listening to people that I need to challenge myself and move out of comfort zone.. Go challenge learn a new skill, play a guitar, or go start networking or partying, I am an introvert become an extrovert, go take a holiday alone and discover new places, make a new set of friends, change role as you are doing well in the role means you have learnt everything possible, find a girl for yourself you getting comfortable with self.. blah blah blah.. 

The amount of advise I on this from family and friends is unthinkable, the only silver lining is I am not alone.. Almost everyone gets it and there is enough written by experts that how comfort zone means I am a big loser :(. In fact I am better off as I don't indulge in self flagellation, this friend I was speaking to on the topic feels guilty as she is acting in accordance with comfort zone...

My argument is what's wrong with comfort zone? We chase happiness that's the meaning of life and the comfort zone by name itself means happiness, so why challenge and stress yourself and become uncomfortable? The only place I can agree is if this zone is inhibiting you to achieve what you wish to, like becoming a Head HR, go ahead and challenge as the goal is more important to you than the zone. But in general why keep moving out of the comfort zone. Please don't move my cheese, I like the predictability of it being here daily. I know the argument is that I will be less prepared to face challenge when environment changes, if it does I am ready to slog then. Adding stress and anxiety for fear of future and what may happen well I don't care. To those who believe in moving the zone time and again I will suggest be less fearful of future and the environment, it can change and go against you but at that time be ready to fight it, accept that reality. But for now don't be paranoid and just be happy and enjoy the comfort zone..

The only challenge which I like to take head on is my fears, as that's my goal to be fearless. This value is close to me as for a religious person is GOD. I am changing roles and I debated why am I moving out of my comfort zone, I am extremely happy with my role, the team I am working with. It is not the redundancy and growth as HR professional I am worried about then why? I have rationalized it now that it may help me practice new skills which I could not in the earlier years as I had a few fears, the fear is now gone and the new experience will give me to hone a few skills. Now I am looking forward to it......

Vulnerability

Life is a state of mind I concluded in my last blog.. The state of mind is nothing but an emotion.. And if happiness which is a state of mind the end goal, we need to manage this emotion better.. have the right ways to cultivate this emotion, cultivate the right triggers...

Theory of vulnerability says cultivating a state of worthiness by building capacity to be vulnerable is the best way to get into this state of mind.. it believes that we are wired for social connection, that's what is a powerful trigger for happiness.. social connection can only happen at an intimate level if we allow ourselves to be shown, the inner self is exposed and there is authenticity... 

It is about taking discarding your fear, insecurity and feeling of shame and being courageous... 

But I have one question which I am unable to answer - how much is enough? enough of social connection, vulnerability, etc.. it is still a trigger and a dependability...

Life is a state of mind...

Our state of mind is how we experience life. A moment the mind is in a state of happiness, another moment it is in despair, or ecstasy, or sad.. It is always a state which is very internal is what life experience is. 

Everything else the outside world is just a trigger.. A trigger is self constructed.. someone makes music as a trigger other, dance, someone travel.. you develop these triggers which give you a state of mind, some are conscious like jazz music leading to happiness some are unconscious like darkness leading to fear..

We live through these states of mind, triggers are constructed which put us in different state of mind... much like a programmer programs a software we program us through these triggers, a complicated maze of triggers and complicated variety of outcomes. 

Self help books, positive psychology, counselors, happiness coaches all teach how one can make positive triggers or better still you can be free of triggers which are difficult to achieve based on your current level of abilities and constraint...

Life and its meaning seems such an illusion if we are just a state of mind !!!

Purpose.. 3

Last I concluded on the topic that purpose is a hog wash and it is simple goals which take you to a little ahead are purpose. It may become big with time and if it is destined to, but the goal however small it may be when compared with those of the super heroes and their goals, it is still a purpose. 

Passion is misleading, all you need to know what you are good at and play on your strengths, you have to after all take care of your self. Besides, we are multi faceted so single minded passion in one area does not help, there are multiple goals for multiple needs.

Which goals is the next logical question and that is to be determined by the test what gives you happiness. I am biased to be pedantic here and believe spiritual goals, the one which help you to become larger than the selfish beings we tend to be, are better goals. This is however subjective, each individual sets it as per where they are, self awareness is critical here so that we know what makes us happier else we may traverse wrong roads. Self awareness also is a shifting goalpost, what I knew of me what I was few years back and could make me happy is no longer true, I know myself to be different from what I was earlier and not the same dreams gives me a similar happiness.  

This is broadly I had concluded last time but new data as I encountered lately calls for this blog once more.  Brene Brown or humanistic or positive psychology or process lab believe that connection, human connection formed with the foundation of love, belongingness or true feelings is what makes humans happy. The philosophy says we are inherently wired for connection; connection with other beings through love and belonging and therefore connection is itself is the purpose of life. Connection will lead to happiness, and that is the goal what is worth striving for.

However there is another strong data which comes from the eastern philosophy - Buddhism, Hinduism, and that is - craving of any kind leads to unhappiness, what we need to do is realize the transient nature of all objects of form and mind and free ourselves from cravings. This leads to happiness. Connection is also a craving so that is to be given up. 

Both the theories conflict each other, one says work to fulfil the craving for connection, it just requires you to be authentic, feel no fear of feeling and be vulnerable. It does not mean money but being true to yourself and being brave emotionally. The other says no craving just give up all if you seek happiness, all is an illusion. Each theory professes that mastering their wisdom in life is meaningful, the purpose of life. 

Both are appealing, and I believe in both hence in quite some conflict these days, which way to go and what road to travel...  Robert Frost poem - Road less Travelled with a twist explains this dilemma:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
Then chose one over the other,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Oh, I kept the other for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one which made the difference	.

Nature vs Culture

Devdutt Patnaik's book Myth = Mithya explains this concept which is there in Hindu mythology. Are gods and stories revolves around reaching a perfect state, reach God through one of the ways of nature or culture. 

Nature is our original self, driven by impulses, instincts and lies within. There are no rules, think of early tribes, or hippies  -there were no rules of right conduct, marriage, god, etc

Culture is the society of rules, what  is right or wrong, culture is the conditioning, it is a construct on which society is based. Philosophically there is no right or wrong and one can see the same when we study different societies, each having a distinct culture professed for reaching perfection. Each society believing in its superiority, Marriage itself and rules around it are an example of culture, it is an artificial construct. 

Nature is represented by Shiva, Culture by Vishnu. There is always a conflict between the two, in individuals, in society, all over. 

I see myself impacted by this duel between the two, day in and day out. It reminds me of one my very good friend, he seems to be at peace with both, relatively speaking or perhaps it appears so. When we met last he told me of his meeting nature, I asked what about culture? He seemed at peace, no unnecessary explanation or guilt but of acceptance of both sides as right, and there seemed to be synergy in his mind. I could see the nature active and at the same time his selflessness, love and care much ahead of us cultured ones. I know it is cryptic but that is how I want for now :).

p.s. Hermann Hesse novel  Narcissus and Goldmund captures this aspect beautifully. 

Life & Thoughts - 3

Life, happiness are one.

Fulfilled life is infinite happiness.

What is the Way?

Happiness lies Within,

Within cries for others,

Others to recognise the within.

Is it not begging?

Is it not a trade?

Is it not an unending goal?

Is there another way?

Within can recognize itself.

Self goals and achievement, 

Love and praise thyself.

Is it not narcissism?

Is it not a lie?

Is it not an illusion?

Is there another way?

Few believe in an abstruse way,

Happiness they say is the original state,

Life, happiness were always one, 

Self, ego cast a shadow on life,

Destroy self, life & happiness will remain.

Infinite and unobstructed.

What do I choose?

Mix of all or only one?

Human Being is not an Island

It is a simple statement but that is what has been bothering me these days, this is now the question I am bothered with after the purpose question.  

The question is our whole existence is circling around only one aspect - how I fit in the eyes of others, these others I choose, I make my tribe of friends, family and I extend this in my mind each day. We are not an island and others define us. 

I am drawn to the same point as expressed in the last few blogs - life gets meaning through how I am able to get acceptance and love from others. One is an indirect source where I live some ideas, lifestyle, values, etc. which I believe will get me that acceptance, even if that does not come I do believe that it is there as these are the ideals, values, lifestyles are the exalted ones in the eyes of others. The other is a direct source where you have a circle of family, friends who accept and love you for what you are- the ideas, lifestyle, values etc.  

Life revolves around getting this love directly through a circle of friends and family or indirectly through self patting based on actions which you believe your tribe will admire and love you for. The tribe could be invisible but you feel proud, you pat yourself albeit it is a mental process and not a real one. That is the job of mind, if this messes up you end up in a mental asylum or get depressed.  

Life Can be defined as below:

• What I think of myself in the context of OTHERS and 

• What OTHERS think of me or

Or

• How I love myself for values which I think OTHERS admire or makes me a good man and 

• The OTHERS who love me 

Life simplified

I had this thought while meditating, life is about self and others who have life... These are the only 2 dimensions we are dealing with but how complicated we have made the dealings with life.

Life about self  - It is about how you run yourself as a unit, how you become stronger and better. How you grow, how you seek happiness

Others who have life - These are the other living beings which give meaning to our existence, if I was the sole person living on the planet, imagine how life would have been. Today a lot of life about self is dependent on how I am interacting with others, how I am able to get support of others, I support them to get their support, it is a symbiotic relationship. 

Every aspect of our day to day action is directed towards either taking care of self or how it helps us connect with others who are living. Does anything else matter? The material wealth we generate, the knowledge, the wisdom, the gadgets we acquire all are directed towards self caring or what is valued by others. These are tools to achieve the end... 

What it meant to me was that life can be optimized directly through a direct relationship with others and self without having the convoluted tools. It is about spending time with self for growth and time with others. Time with others has to be non judgemental, full of love, friendship. 

I think social structures, festivals, marriage all are created to make this end easier. Marriage, Social structure is created for getting others into your life - others where there is non judgemental, loving and friendly time...Clever were architects who created these institutions.. In current times however these institutions seem to be dissolving and is that the reason for  increased psychological negativities?

Why do we build so many walls and complication, why all other circuitous ways? Is it fear in general, fear of failure, rejection?

Purpose - 2

What is the purpose of my life? I meet many frustrated, bored people who lack purpose, and are looking for more meaning in life. I wonder what is a worthy purpose to aspire for? Are all purposes not having the same end - your happiness? Can there be just one purpose?

To answer some of these questions I thought about the heroes of the past and today, who were/ are determined to do something larger than their own self. Most I realize have a single minded focus and seem to have a purposeful life. The difference I concur between the heroes and the non heroes is a long term goal, to which they dedicate themselves. There are 2 aspects - 1) having a long term goal 2) single minded dedication.

Take a minute to think about all the people who you have met or read about who you believe have a clear purpose. I bet for all those people the above definition will fit in, they have a dedicated long term goal and they put their heart and soul to it. 

It is as easy as above, it does not need to be rooted in philanthropy or compassion or some idealism. Mother Teresa had a purpose so did Mark Zuckerberg. One may debate one purpose to be higher than the other, but that is a judging through a value system. Who is superior is not the question but it is an evolving phenomenon, Bill Gates had a purpose when he wanted to build Microsoft, he now has a purpose working to better society through his foundation. There are stages as per the life demands and your own wisdom, which are to be acknowledged, judgement of what is higher is needless. 

One just needs to have a long term goal and stick to it, the next logical  question is if this is so simple why do most struggle to have a purposeful, meaningful, fulfilling life?  This is a difficult question to answer and there could be many reasons, I have listed some which I think are the top ones, I will be happy to hear from all the readers what they think could be the reasons. I will recommend you make your own set of reasons what has been stopping you and see how you can overcome them

Reasons:

1. Choices - We are spoilt by choices, have multiple interests, desires and get lost in trying to have all. We need to make a choice of one, and often are lost in trying to decide which one? The key will be to decide one for now and follow the rest at a later date. An example - you meet many interesting people in life but you only marry one at a time; you have to decide and commit
2. Not knowing self - Many of us are so lost in managing what others want or running the rat race that we are not in touch with ourselves, not knowing what we really are good at or what we enjoy. Not knowing self can be very confusing to set a goal. Sometimes we have to try something new, even if it feels stupid to just know if this is it or not. 
3. Commit - This is very difficult the choices keep tempting us, confusing us. One has to just follow a 6 month rule - We must commit to this -  for next six months I am dedicating myself to a goal and will rest all doubts for later
4. Inertia  - This is another roadblock, any single minded focus means a lot of effort and many of us find it difficult to take the first step. Wise people say often the first steps are the most difficult to take. Each day one has to push oneself before you get into a rhythm and start enjoying the journey. Sometimes it is this inertia which makes us feel frustrated and we fool ourselves by not acting but blaming the world, blaming our inadequacies, our environment, lack of support from friends & family, for a lack of purpose in life.
5. Setbacks - We tend to stop focussing on the goal and start getting blocked by not being successful or  fear of failure. The goal is not about success or failure but about the journey, it is a long term one in which we need to just learn to move ahead from the position we are at right now. Even an inch of improvement is success. Setbacks can also waiver commitment, lead to inertia or increase the confusion

Can life be easy?

I hope my role is perfect,
I hope my rating is good,
I hope my boyfriend is greatest,
I hope my car is swankiest,
I hope my path is correct,
I hope my work is appreciated.

I want to grow big soon,
I want to be known soon,
I want to be best soon.

Many desires and many fears,
This is story of each human day,

Can life not be made easy?
Simple needs with simple life,
Rooted in here and now.

http://www.karmatube.org/videos.php?id=2747

Happiness

This has become a cliché now that happiness does not come through material or senses. They are pleasurable but happiness is something different, it is a state of mind.

Happiness comes when you are in control. In control of your surroundings and are able to manoeuvre your way as you desire.

• You become happy when you are in control of your work and you mesmerise your customers, peers, boss with the output. you are in control
• You become happy when your lover does as you would have wanted it, you are in control.
• You become happy when you are in control of your time. All done well as planned within time. You control your time
• You become happy when you are at your best in your social circle or with customers. You are appreciated for what you are. You are in control

Control gives happiness. Spirituality and Philosophy believe you cannot control the surroundings, you can never be that perfect and moreover the surroundings also want the same control. There will always be a conflict. As per them best is you control your mind and try to want as less external control as possible. Get it to a point of zero so that you are eternally happy. It definitely has a logic less you want from outside more you are in control of what you want as all lies within you and is independent of the surroundings. The more control you have on your mind the more happy you get. 

Therapies of Life

I am an atheist and  if you have read my blogs you would have realized that. Atheism however does not limit me in believing in life which is larger than the lives we live. Much larger, a life beyond, something inside makes me believe my life will continue long after I am dead. I am not referring to work or assets I create here which may live longer but a concept which is non proven by science. I am talking about life after death. Anyway these are beliefs which I don't have a proof of and are best left unanalysed.   

What I want to analyse and leave a thought on is what are these larger beyond life concepts or God have a role to play in our lives. These concepts are the best psychologists and therapists. A belief in these give us human beings hope, a hope when most needed. At moments of failure or injustice or heartbreak or unhappiness  or hopelessness these give us a hope, a hope of life of dreams in time to come, as God or justice awaits in some form. These concepts give us a reason to believe in future and endure the travails with a smile. 

For the western world the God is much archaic and a life after death preposterous, therefore they have created similar therapists in glorifying stories of rags to riches like the one in the movie  - The pursuit of Happyness, there are many such stories abundant in Western world giving the average man a hope, a strength to face the bitter realities. It is as powerful concept as God yet it is not as effective. The problem is that it does not seem to create the same amount of reverence as God does and as these stories are human, God is supernatural. 

You may be wondering I am trying to say there is no hope and all the hope created is an illusion, a therapeutic tool. No that's is not the point what I am saying is these are 3 different ways (could be more) of powerful self therapy - God, Super Humans & Life After Death. Truth though is unknown and a mystery; may be death will reveal, that's my belief :) 

God has messed up !

The current state of the world makes me believe, God has really messed up or may be it is the earlier god recruited a wrong person as a successor. Violence is rampant, people kill each other for no reason, there is mad rush for money, there is rape, corruption and so many other evils (unending list).......

To top it to wash your sins you need money as God needs you to offer prayers which costs. So poor who do not have meals to eat can just not do anything to wash their sins, they have to suffer....

Nietzsche's said in  Thus Spoke Zarathustra

God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? What was holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet owned has bled to death under our knives: who will wipe this blood off us? What water is there for us to clean ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we have to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we ourselves not become gods simply to appear worthy of it?

Being Happy

Happiness this is what we all are chasing, that is one and only goal which all of us have... Then there are complex theories of philosophy, psychology, growth, wisdom to explain this. I wonder is it so complicated that you need tonnes of brain power to get into philosophy, psychology to be happy... Cannot be. The creator or God has really messed up if it is this tough. 

A lot of people wonder on my status of being single and assume that I should be married to be happy.. The notions of happiness for people are set, have a partner, money. All this can make you happy. The judge who has been meditating for an out of court settlement believes so she said to be happy i must get over with this, stop thinking what is right or wrong just go ahead and be happy get the case over and marry again and be happy. 

On the contrary I am very happy. I may not be acquiring the conventional list for being happy. I am happy as I am without fear and insecurities, I am happy as I feel that happy. I have kind of drugged my mind, exercised and trained my mind to be happy. It is just the state of mind. It is an inner process and not acquiring a car or a wife, how can that make me happy as they are not inside me, inside me is the mind which controls everything. 

Lets look at anger to be angry do you need to acquire anything? you just feel angry as your mind does not let go of what happened, it is not trained to let go of, it is just sticks to it and is unforgiving, it is just in the mind. So is happiness it is another feeling which comes out of how you react to your interactions with life.

Happiness is a simple process of understanding the mind and steering it in right directions. Acquiring this knowledge of inner self is what leads to happiness. No complex theories of philosophy and psychology!

Journey of life

I am bothered by the way life is going,
It comes from my hunger for more.
The hunger is insatiable and takes me to all directions,
It wants quantity and a lot of variety and there is no end.
But the time is limited and not all can be digested
and therefore begins a conflict.. which to choose?.

Life i have realized is nothing but a series of choices
Those choices made propel it in different directions.
At each moment there is a choice - thrill or calmness, happiness or unhappiness...
But strangely I don't know fully the consequences of the choices we take...

Life is about choices and I don't know fully the consequence of choices,
The consequence is in future which is unpredictable,
There are probabilities of likely consequence but it is at best a probability,
Choices propel to an unpredictable consequence,
After one consequence one moves to another choice and further consequence,
Life is a journey of choices and consequences and in the end it rests, it dies.

What are these choices, consequences worth?
Is there no continuity to life an end one must aim for?
Is it just a journey which ends for each in a certain way?
Are there really any better choices and consequence?

What is the ultimate consequence I must aim for?
Happiness? Perfection? Love? Fame? Power?

Damn Stupid

Is Intelligence really Intelligent?
What was intelligent yesterday,
Looks Damn Stupid today.

What has changed in between?
Was yesterday right or is today?

Our faculty of judgement changes
It changes with we changing
or we change with this faculty changing?
Life has changed in between
It is not today or yesterday
It is the change which has changed
Intelligent into Damn Stupid.

If you have not changed for better
You may become Damn Stupid.

Am I sounding Damn Stupid or Intelligent here?

Love simplified

We have complicated love by intelligent theories. I now think the mundane (but not abundant) love in life can be defined in two bullet points:

• You are loved if you are made feel special by the lover by doing just a few actions for you and only for you
• The lover in your eyes has to be someone you consider to be worthy. By worthy I mean you should be able to respect the individual. If a devil does something for you, you will write it off and not feel loved. But this lies in the eyes of the beholder and is subjective

It is as simple and to love is even more simpler just a few actions for the loved one and not thinking about yourself. Yet I see people find it very difficult to love for various innumerable reasons. These reasons we have unfortunately are very intelligent ones, no doubt about that :) I have my own intelligent reasons.....

Life After Death !

Life after death is such a comforting thought. To know that the time gone by can be lived again, and I need not do the same mistakes again is such a lovely feeling. You look forward to life with hope and positivity.


Even every day gives us the same chance, it is death of yesterday and it gives us a chance to start afresh, every moment. Past is past and present gives innumerable opportunities to make amends and do good for oneself.

The only hurdle is the mind which irrationally, crazily clings on the past and feels fear, miserable, insecure.

I just hope instead of god we could believe irrationally of life after death, after all there is no proof and the belief will help keep the hope afloat and make them keep their actions in check. Concept of God in today’s world has been rationally destroyed and we need a new belief to keep all the people sane, serene, disciplined and happy

Answers anyone?

To have unanswered questions and many unanswered questions makes life interesting, if I knew all wonder how boring life could have been.

Questions keep me busy; I have good debates and discussions with friends trying to figure out what the answer is. At times hit the bull’s eye and feel good about being able to have found the answer but life being ever entertaining life again puts a series of follow up questions.

The above is a reflection of calmer mood.

There are times these questions irritate me, bother me and I wonder why god does not give me the answers or I want to depend on someone who has all the answers, am looking for someone who even if does not know may say “yah what you thinking is the right answer”.

Mind, its state and the reasoning it offers, all is baffling!

Understanding Life -2

In the last blog i mentioned life is about happiness, happiness a state of mind...

This state of mind is what is we should aim for but is extremely difficult to achieve.. the culprit according to me is the mind itself... this one is difficult to write about... anyways

mind gets addicted to ideas, thoughts, wants and therefore os the culprit.. let me try and explain..

you are happy, life is good, you have a good job, you are doing well... however you are single.. you meet a woman.. beautiful woman...  this is the first time u met her till now life was good content and happy... in a happy state of being... but you see this woman.. the mind says wow and wants her... you go home thinking about her.. u desire her even more... it so happens you bump into her and speak to her, she responds in a friendly manner... you now want her more.. the mind thinks about her make stories as how she will be with you, how life will be with her... creates an image a future though u are in present... and has a story which it starts believing in... mind works round the clock and develops a beautiful story... very much like the romantic movie he had seen with beautiful ending.. and they lived happily ever after... the story mind makes and this story mind sells it to itself so well that it starts believing life is shit without her....

so step back before he saw her, desired her a few days back he was happy... now he is unhappy.. very unhappy as he wants her, he is sold to a fiction story.. it is a fiction you have not lived the future you dont know how it will be with her.. but you dream and believe it to be so... but it is a dream and you feel unhappy till you get her... she may be married, engaged, may not like you who knows... but you are addicted to your story.... and till u get her or till you are rejected by her for whatever reason you will feel miserable.. if rejected well you will feel even more miserable...

what if you had not seen her.. you would have been happy with the way life was...

now the above is just a one want, but the mind is crazy.. each moment it creates more future wants... it wants to have a great party tomorrow, want to look good, be complimented, want a promotion, want money, want leisure, want lazy afternoon, want to win debates, want to watch a good movie, want to be fit, want to eat junk, want to have great physique, want to be most intelligent... the list is endless.. all is future, all is fiction with a happy ending story....

often these wants conflict and you never get all making you feel unhappy....

So life is about happiness, happiness a state of mind, mind sells future fiction story to be happy and since it is future, present is unhappy, worse the mind keeps creating future after future.. till death and never remains happy....

this state of mind should be the future mind must aim for and you can be then happier.. but how... maybe you have to stop the fiction and learn to enjoy with your mind the real, the present...