Life Simplified ... 2

I am meaningless if you, friends, family, other humans don’t exist. Life revolves around how we relate to other people - impressing them, connecting with them, spending time with like minded, getting famous, getting loved for what I am, getting acknowledged from others, etc. you and me may choose different mix of tools to establish this relation to others and this determines our life. 

This is the foundation of our daily lives and with this comes responsibility for others, it is a give and take relationship and is not a one way street. There is one caution though too much dependency on it can be fatal, balance always required between give and take.

In this era of technology, information, gadget led entertainment, etc we are forgetting this important aspect, we must just simplify, de clutter and spend some time understanding and tackling it. Life can be a lot more meaningful if we learn to manage this aspect, it is not complicated. 

Quotes..

From the movie " The Beach"

"I still believe in paradise. But now at least I know it's not some place you can look for. Because it's not where you go. It's how you feel for a moment in your life when you're a part of something. And if you find that moment... It lasts forever"

"it's paradise. This is where the hungry come to feed. For mine is a generation that circles the globe and searches for something we haven't tried before. So never refuse an invitation, never resist the unfamiliar, never fail to be polite and never outstay the welcome. Just keep your mind open and suck in the experience. And if it hurts, you know what? It's probably worth it"

"When you develop an infatuation for someone you always find a reason to believe that this is exactly the person for you. It doesn't need to be a good reason. Taking photographs of the night sky, for example. Now, in the long run, that's just the kind of dumb, irritating habit that would cause you to split up. But in the haze of infatuation, it's just what you've been searching for all these years"

"You hope, and you dream. But you never believe that something's gonna happen for you. Not like it does in the movies. And when it actually does, you want it to feel different, more visceral, more real. I was waiting for it to hit me, but it just wouldn't happen"

Life simplified

I had this thought while meditating, life is about self and others who have life... These are the only 2 dimensions we are dealing with but how complicated we have made the dealings with life.

Life about self  - It is about how you run yourself as a unit, how you become stronger and better. How you grow, how you seek happiness

Others who have life - These are the other living beings which give meaning to our existence, if I was the sole person living on the planet, imagine how life would have been. Today a lot of life about self is dependent on how I am interacting with others, how I am able to get support of others, I support them to get their support, it is a symbiotic relationship. 

Every aspect of our day to day action is directed towards either taking care of self or how it helps us connect with others who are living. Does anything else matter? The material wealth we generate, the knowledge, the wisdom, the gadgets we acquire all are directed towards self caring or what is valued by others. These are tools to achieve the end... 

What it meant to me was that life can be optimized directly through a direct relationship with others and self without having the convoluted tools. It is about spending time with self for growth and time with others. Time with others has to be non judgemental, full of love, friendship. 

I think social structures, festivals, marriage all are created to make this end easier. Marriage, Social structure is created for getting others into your life - others where there is non judgemental, loving and friendly time...Clever were architects who created these institutions.. In current times however these institutions seem to be dissolving and is that the reason for  increased psychological negativities?

Why do we build so many walls and complication, why all other circuitous ways? Is it fear in general, fear of failure, rejection?

Steve Jobs's @ Stanford commencement speech

Steve Jobs's @ Stanford commencement speech

"When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."

"I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

Need a lot more than a mere law

A law will help but will be a strong deterrent and  prevent happening what must not?

The ongoing current protests on the Delhi gang rape and media attention is important to bring the issues on forefront, make people aware and I also believe it will help correct value system of kids who are being taught incorrectly. All of this has its usefulness, no denial, however a bigger question which we need to answer is how do we build a stronger system that such incidents are prevented?

My answer to this is cleaning up of the entire police and judicial system we have - onerous task but see no lasting change unless these improve. The police is inefficient, they regularly goof up the investigations they do, there are so many instances of criminals getting away as the evidence was not strong. If you have money and connections, there are high chances you will manage the system well.

The Judicial system is slow that the justice is never done. Years go by and you keep getting a date after date, this is not an exaggeration or a movie dialogue, I have seen both of these machineries closely with a live case, and hence the cynicism and strong worry that another law may not make any difference.

Mumbai shootouts, Kasab and judicial system, high profile cases like Jessica Lal, Priyadarshni Mattoo, Aarushi murder even after getting all media attention and involving the best of lawyers the inefficiencies of system were glaring. The plight of a common man, the harassment of slow and expensive judicial system or inept police machinery is just unthinkable. 

The mere existence of law will only remain in books...

A much bigger and a different question in my mind is  - why we are breeding more and more of such criminals? It is another question which we need to answer. Gruesome crimes only seem to be rising across the world...

Brene Brown: How Vulnerability Holds the Key to Emotional Intimacy

A very interesting piece and some thought provoking statements, watch the TED Talk as well… what got me is the answer to the opening question- fear of being ordinary.. very true as in the last few weeks I have been trying to get active on social network sites and she hit me with her remark… do read if you can.. bringing up few insights which I found very thought provoking… though I am debating it J.

In your new book Daring Greatly, you introduce the idea of a shame-based emotion that seems unique to our contemporary society. One aspect you name is the “fear of being ordinary.”

Brené Brown: The overwhelming message in our culture today is that an ordinary life is a meaningless life unless you are grabbing a lot of attention and you have lots of Twitter followers and Facebook fans who know everything you know. I use the shame-based fear of being ordinary as my definition for narcissism. I definitely see it in younger generations, where people fear they are not big enough. No matter how happy and fulfilling their small, quiet life is, they feel it must not mean very much, because it’s not the way people are measuring success. Which is just terrifying. 

How does vulnerability relate to our capacity for joy?

As someone who spent more than a decade studying fear, vulnerability, and shame, I never thought in a million years that I would say that joy is probably the most difficult emotion to feel. It’s hard to feel joy because we are so keenly aware that it’s fleeting. When we lose our tolerance for vulnerability, we lose the courage to be joyful. Joy is a daring emotion! We are going to let ourselves stop in a moment that won’t last forever, that can be taken away. We feel almost that “you are a schmuck if you let yourself feel too deeply because the bad stuff is going to happen.” 

A lot of your work examines how humans experience the emotion of shame. Can you explain how shame relates to vulnerability?

If vulnerability is the willingness to show up and let ourselves be seen, shame gets in the way. How can we be authentically known when we are paralyzed with fear about what people might see? Setting boundaries is a great example; it’s something that people don’t think about as vulnerability, but saying “no” and protecting our time—whether it’s family time, our creative time, whatever our self-care time is—that’s a huge act of vulnerability in a culture where productivity is so highly valued. 

Watch the full interview at following link: Original Story, Dec 20, 2012

She may not be a household name just yet, but when you refer to “the woman who talks about vulnerability,” the seven million viewers of her TEDTalks videos (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=X4Qm9cGRub0)know you mean Brené Brown. A research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, Brown has been studying shame, fear, and vulnerability for 12 years.

Siri - Where will it take us?

The most entertaining and a marvel the technology is, Siri or a little different app Google Now, just amazing how machines can predict and help us in our daily endeavours. 

But the conservative me worry will it a Siri make people mollycoddle themselves through the machine, develop a safe relationship - no threat of conflict, heartbreak and always getting an answer which is positive, encouraging or fun. Will it keep adults as child, the child is in a constant state of parents protecting them from the life and Siri will protect them from any negative influence. The parent  replaced by the technology applications. 

Will people start obsessing the Siri's and fall in love with them? The next step which this will take is one can custom and have the voice of Siri to match your lover's voice (I don't know if it is already there but I am sure it will come), imagine then what kind of relationships it will breed?

What if Siri starts understanding moods, emotions will it replace the girlfriend or the boyfriend? Many questions and will be interesting to watch how life unfolds with technology.....