Materialism - Have I got it right?

I always thought materialism is being attached to money, I have given a lot of effort to be less and less dependent on it.. However a thought bothers me is materialism only about money? I am attached to how I spend my time, is it not a form of materialism where I am trying to hold to a scarce commodity like money.. Does the spiritual wisdom not say  - All is transient?

It is a difficult attachment which I have and I have a feeling it interferes with my balance of how I need to live the life...

This bothers me... Have I got it right?

Another Beginning

Want to make changes, from living through logic and analysis,  I want to move to the feelings part... The motivation comes from the process lab I attended @ Sumedhas and reading Brene Brown's Daring Greatly... 

Many questions pull me back.. how does it fit into Vipassana, am I drifting to an easier path? Vipassana offers as an end goal of becoming Buddha, this does not. 

Maybe it does not conflict at all, this says, forgive urself and allow urself to be bolder and vulnerable. Vipassana also does the same, the process is different... Vipassana is a process work with self alone, this is with larger group, the society we live in...both help in experiencing self and getting aware, and in process getting free...

My biggest learning at Sumedhas is to learn to listen to feelings, my natural reaction is my analytical self... not holding back feelings because of fear of rejection, fear of being judged, shame of unworthiness... however as Brene Brown puts it be aware of floodlighting.. watch your intentions when you are trying to be expressive, vulnerable... 

I feel challenged after a long time, it feels good. It feels as if I am on the edge about to learn something new n big... will help me take the leap.. At the same time I feel scared.. will I be able to have the courage to take this leap, will I allow myself to be vulnerable.. Will I give in to the logic - I am happy and content, why need more.. 

I also have doubts, does being vulnerable reduces you to be like a whining kid, whining for the lolipop.. an adult wanting to be loved, recognized... can I not do away this craving and be free, is that not superior? The doubts freeze me and am not sure where to step as I move ahead in life...

May be there is a middle path, do away with fear and don't hold yourself back.. at the same time work on your cravings and when you ready it will be taken care of by itself... watch your intentions, watch the trappings while you walk...

Time to Shed the Old Skin

"Even the finest books deserve to be thrown aside" - This is the last line of the book I recently read - How Proust can change your life, written by Alain De Botton, he quotes Marcel Proust here. 

The book overall was heavy for me but this ending line has caught my attention. 

Doing my self assessment as usual with each of these philosophical thought I think I am caught up with the books I have read, the theories, the periodic battle of to be or not to be; it is time that throw all of this aside, there is much to life which needs to be experienced, the books, the theories can only take me to a small distance, beyond that I have to traverse myself.

What holds back that experience is mental conditioning, the fears of different hues, the judgements and the desire of being desirous. 

It is time to shed the skin, and take another leap, wear the new skin...

Life Myth 3 - I know it is the truth

I know it all or the arrogance of intelligence... let me explain what i mean by this. how often we just know that we know.. for e.g. some time back the scientists of the world believed that earth is flat.. so be it people mocked when someone suggested it is not flat.. all intelligent people but pushed into a new reality when they realized they did not know it all... same goes the story of flying... everyone mocked at who said we could fly, today you cannot think without flying.. then we thought we knew all and came internet all rules have changed and humans have become more ambitious now in thinking and each time when we know it someone breaks barriers and what we knew no longer remains the truth.

the above is on macro level, at individual level -  sometime i knew there is a god and i could argue with all others who thought there is none, i could challenge and feel pity on their not knowing but did i really know as I grew more and no longer do I have faith in an existence of god.. my theories have changed. at an individual level we carry certain set of beliefs, ideals in one phase and when we grow more and have an ability to look beyond the earlier capability we realize we knew s wrong and we know something new... we know today the rights and wrongs but when we undergo more experiences what we knew as truth no longer is truth.

As a child my i knew my parents could never be wrong about anything, i just did as i was told as they were ideal god like.... when i was a teenager i knew they were all wrong.. i just knew it and i could swear on this.. and now as an adult i know they are right in a lot of aspects and incorrect on others... but from there perspective they may be right in a lot of things but it does not fit my reality.. how i knew changes over a period of time.. yet what i know today i like to swear upon, add stress to myself and fight.

how often we fight on viewpoints in office, in life as to how some work should be done and that is the only way to do it correctly, i know it... At times it gets vetoed and you swear this will not work.. but more often than not it works.. if you are intelligent you will broaden your horizon else you say that well they were lucky...

few months back i thought people can be changed if given right direction until i was in a relationship with a woman who had messed up her mind from childhood.. then i got to know i wish i had listened to those who told me that i know it wrong this time... it happens with all of us all the time, you believe in what you know and you may know it also more often than not, but the fact is when you move ahead or time moves ahead and you experience or the world experiences something different the truth changes...  we really do not know much but we still are arrogant in what we know today.. and that for us is the truth and all others who know not are nincompoops....

if you are honest enough to look back you will realize that a lot of whatever you knew as truth earlier does not hold good today... it is changing... to an extent or completely... always changing

But i must also say that after realizing that you know not everything you must not get into a mode of non action, non decisiveness.. if you do you will lose it... you must acknowledge the action or decision today is the best as per my knowledge today and be ready to broaden your horizon, question midway and know better than what you knew a little while ago.. this is learning and a way to break myths and grow wiser..

another fact is that some people know better than you and some others worse... to know that is very difficult.. each has his own boundaries of knowing and can fathom only limited to that... for e.g. if you make this (what i am writing) child to read ( 5-6 years old who otherwise reads stories)... he will not fathom anything.. make some Einstein read it and he will say ahhh such a childish philosophy.. as he knows a lot more... make a party hopping kid read this and he will say well this is crap and what is the use... some will not know this as a truth and never fathom it.. for them what they know within their boundaries is the truth and not this... some others will acknowledge it and say it is a minor point there is much more to knowing... this is just a starting broaden your horizon...