Steve Jobs's @ Stanford commencement speech

Steve Jobs's @ Stanford commencement speech

"When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."

"I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

Need a lot more than a mere law

A law will help but will be a strong deterrent and  prevent happening what must not?

The ongoing current protests on the Delhi gang rape and media attention is important to bring the issues on forefront, make people aware and I also believe it will help correct value system of kids who are being taught incorrectly. All of this has its usefulness, no denial, however a bigger question which we need to answer is how do we build a stronger system that such incidents are prevented?

My answer to this is cleaning up of the entire police and judicial system we have - onerous task but see no lasting change unless these improve. The police is inefficient, they regularly goof up the investigations they do, there are so many instances of criminals getting away as the evidence was not strong. If you have money and connections, there are high chances you will manage the system well.

The Judicial system is slow that the justice is never done. Years go by and you keep getting a date after date, this is not an exaggeration or a movie dialogue, I have seen both of these machineries closely with a live case, and hence the cynicism and strong worry that another law may not make any difference.

Mumbai shootouts, Kasab and judicial system, high profile cases like Jessica Lal, Priyadarshni Mattoo, Aarushi murder even after getting all media attention and involving the best of lawyers the inefficiencies of system were glaring. The plight of a common man, the harassment of slow and expensive judicial system or inept police machinery is just unthinkable. 

The mere existence of law will only remain in books...

A much bigger and a different question in my mind is  - why we are breeding more and more of such criminals? It is another question which we need to answer. Gruesome crimes only seem to be rising across the world...

Brene Brown: How Vulnerability Holds the Key to Emotional Intimacy

A very interesting piece and some thought provoking statements, watch the TED Talk as well… what got me is the answer to the opening question- fear of being ordinary.. very true as in the last few weeks I have been trying to get active on social network sites and she hit me with her remark… do read if you can.. bringing up few insights which I found very thought provoking… though I am debating it J.

In your new book Daring Greatly, you introduce the idea of a shame-based emotion that seems unique to our contemporary society. One aspect you name is the “fear of being ordinary.”

Brené Brown: The overwhelming message in our culture today is that an ordinary life is a meaningless life unless you are grabbing a lot of attention and you have lots of Twitter followers and Facebook fans who know everything you know. I use the shame-based fear of being ordinary as my definition for narcissism. I definitely see it in younger generations, where people fear they are not big enough. No matter how happy and fulfilling their small, quiet life is, they feel it must not mean very much, because it’s not the way people are measuring success. Which is just terrifying. 

How does vulnerability relate to our capacity for joy?

As someone who spent more than a decade studying fear, vulnerability, and shame, I never thought in a million years that I would say that joy is probably the most difficult emotion to feel. It’s hard to feel joy because we are so keenly aware that it’s fleeting. When we lose our tolerance for vulnerability, we lose the courage to be joyful. Joy is a daring emotion! We are going to let ourselves stop in a moment that won’t last forever, that can be taken away. We feel almost that “you are a schmuck if you let yourself feel too deeply because the bad stuff is going to happen.” 

A lot of your work examines how humans experience the emotion of shame. Can you explain how shame relates to vulnerability?

If vulnerability is the willingness to show up and let ourselves be seen, shame gets in the way. How can we be authentically known when we are paralyzed with fear about what people might see? Setting boundaries is a great example; it’s something that people don’t think about as vulnerability, but saying “no” and protecting our time—whether it’s family time, our creative time, whatever our self-care time is—that’s a huge act of vulnerability in a culture where productivity is so highly valued. 

Watch the full interview at following link: Original Story, Dec 20, 2012

She may not be a household name just yet, but when you refer to “the woman who talks about vulnerability,” the seven million viewers of her TEDTalks videos (http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=X4Qm9cGRub0)know you mean Brené Brown. A research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, Brown has been studying shame, fear, and vulnerability for 12 years.

Siri - Where will it take us?

The most entertaining and a marvel the technology is, Siri or a little different app Google Now, just amazing how machines can predict and help us in our daily endeavours. 

But the conservative me worry will it a Siri make people mollycoddle themselves through the machine, develop a safe relationship - no threat of conflict, heartbreak and always getting an answer which is positive, encouraging or fun. Will it keep adults as child, the child is in a constant state of parents protecting them from the life and Siri will protect them from any negative influence. The parent  replaced by the technology applications. 

Will people start obsessing the Siri's and fall in love with them? The next step which this will take is one can custom and have the voice of Siri to match your lover's voice (I don't know if it is already there but I am sure it will come), imagine then what kind of relationships it will breed?

What if Siri starts understanding moods, emotions will it replace the girlfriend or the boyfriend? Many questions and will be interesting to watch how life unfolds with technology.....

What kind of people are we breeding?

What kind of people we seem to be growing?  The recent gun shoot @ Connecticut make me wonder. Some believe it can all be curbed by a stricter control on guns, by passing a law, I wish it was so simple a law making it all set right. 

It will have some positive impact but the malady which seems to affect our society is much deeper. All the gun law will do is an Adam Lanza (the shooter) will have to use knife instead of a gun, maybe the no of people killed will drop, but will it stop producing more Lanzas?

Some reports mention Adam Lanza's mother was a strict control freak, and that could have been one of the reasons besides the divorce which impacted Adam, I wonder if her Mother was to be assessed for being a good parent, do we have a good parenting law? I know it is funny, but I don't think there are any solution in controls we can put as laws, the real reason for what is happening around us is much deeper and complicated. 

And it is not about the Connecticut, it is also about the Jacintha who killed herself, what made her so weak to commit suicide, why could her close and dear ones not give her a patient ear and helped her in life much earlier to be stronger,  it is also about the radio jockey of Australia, what has made them to be so rude and insensitive that poor Jacintha was at the receiving end?  

We may lament about the developed world and their lack of religion or values but India is not behind, what bred the acid attackers of Sonali Mukherjee? or the Ponty Chadha shootout between brothers?

The other question the whole episode brings is how come this happens a lot in US, the best place for education, the most well read, scientist people making great strides reside there, the newest technologies are there for your help, the best government administrative set up, cutting research on psychology, happiness, most self help gurus, best selling wisdom authors. You name whatever the best of society is there, it has a big place in US. Then why does it keep happening there? 

The ways of today's life are they on false foundations? Or am I raising just a false alarm, after all genocide in yesteryears in the name of race or killings in the name of religion were equally big and evil.

Uncertainity

Embrace relational uncertainty. It's called romance. Embrace spiritual uncertainty. It's called mystery. Embrace occupational uncertainty. It's called destiny. Embrace emotional uncertainty. It's called joy. Embrace intellectual uncertainty. It's called revelation.

- Mark Batterson -

Yet again on Purpose....2

Purpose is Happiness
Happiness is Within,
Within is a journey.

A journey of endless miles,
A journey of multiple goals.

Action is the measure,
Growth is the measure,
Happiness is the measure,
Journey is the Purpose.
-------------------------------------------
This has become my favourite topic, I am obsessed with this question, partly as I cannot handle unsolvable riddles, and this riddle which I have been grappling me has reached a point that I need to have a clear point of view if not a solution.. :)

Here I go once again, my last blog brooded on - if there is any purpose per se? I was saying no there is none, and largely I tend to agree with that thought process and this is in continuation of the same thought process. Mostly we confuse good deeds as purpose, it is good for humankind and a worthy effort, it is to be appreciated but is that the purpose? My answer is no. 

The confusion which purpose as a word has created is largely due to surplus wealth, comfort and free time. People in earlier ages were busy in meeting ends and this was never a question. 

If you look at developed nations, the dominant thought on purpose, as their self help books and the numerous inspirational books define is - finding your passion, honing it and living it. The life as they see it is about fulfilling self, the premise is based on the fact that we are to serve ourselves first, each is responsible for self. In a way if we think deeply into this theory, it is about reaching your best possible potential, through developing a deep rooted attachment to an activity and spending hours of practice to become an expert. Spending hours can only happen as an outcome of deep rooted attachment. Further this philosophy assumes by doing this one will be a top ranked in the field, this is the main reason why the majority does not benefit from it. The assumption is deep rooted attachment will lead to expertise and you will be at the top, but unfortunately top place is only for 1 or few and we are billions and billions of souls residing on this planet. 

If you look at eastern philosophical constructs, the purpose has to have a higher purpose which would end in knowing the god, reaching perfection what mankind is capable of, not in material world but in the world of spirits or heaven or how god is defined. So the life purpose is about discovering the ultimate truth. This is a difficult ask as it involves giving up a lot of comfort and attachments, this is the reason a majority of us find it difficult to walk this path. 

The above 2 theories are on the extreme end, there are numerous theories which are in between the 2 extremes. Whatever said and done the above 2 extremes have one end in common - happiness of self, maximizing happiness and ending the suffering the difference is one is based on life ends here and hence maximising through your strengths and the other is based on life is beyond here and hence working for happiness beyond this life. 

If you closely examine further each has a worthy goal which keeps us occupied, fills our free time and gives us a purpose, of moving ahead to achieve and gives us the happiness we are looking for

To simplify this  - There is no elevated purpose, the purpose qualifies to  be purpose if it leads to an outcome of happiness. Happiness is the end of any purpose you choose.  

It can begin by having a goal, big or small. The journey to achieve it can itself be fulfilling if we do not get obsessed by the end but the continuous improvements you bring about from where you are, these improvements may not come instantly and may require days, sometime ages but the journey and effort is what it counts. 

The next question is what is the goal one can aspire for? We have multiple needs and the goals you set have to fulfil those needs, it begins with knowing yourself and knowing your real needs, this is an iterative process and hence goals will keep moving. 

The needs can limit to yourself or can be beyond you, can change for you from time to time. If you are single, it is more about personal needs, when married with kids it is beyond you, if you have dependent parents, the circle beyond extends more, and if you are really strong, prosperous, gifted the circle can grow further for community, nation, world. 

It is about the goals which grow you, make stronger, help conquer negativity, fear and infuse positivity, happiness, courage and in effect help fulfil your needs which will make you happier. 

Yet again on Purpose...

This seems to be my favourite topic.. comes from a deep desire to do more out of life, and perhaps also has to do with the way my life is going on currently.. at work front I have accomplished quite a bit but my heart keeps telling me life is much beyond it.. And because I am working hard I am unable to get time to give time to other activities which I think could help me extract more from life. ..I want more and hence it bothers me -  what can I do more to have even more out of life... It also has to do with the fact that I have no other distraction in life it is either work or me.. there are no addictions, kids, partners who fill up the time and leave no room for such questions.. I am back yet again on what more? What more, the question makes me feel greedy, however I am not perturbed.. I am greedy for life, happiness, fulfilment. 

Though I have tried to answer this question couple of  times earlier, those attempts I tried to make a roadmap on how one can have a purpose.. feel inadequate, put sustained effort and commit... it will come.. it has been more to do away with inertia.. but currently I am stuck up with a tangential thought and that is  - is there a purpose? Is it not an illusion? Is it not just a defence mechanism to give yourself to hard work without thinking of what I will achieve? It is perhaps a way of coming to this answer through elimination.. so here I go

The thought rests in the fact that after all life ends in ashes, and none remembers. It ends and even if it may have been etched in some history books.. you are no longer living it.. someone is just reading it to get kicks for her life.. The first point is life ends so where will any purpose take you, anyway.. so why bother so much of accomplishing and trying to create a monument of your life which may some day be called the 9th wonder of world? Is it worth it? My point is that purpose is not leaving your name in history books for next generation.. It is not about creating any edifice, of becoming the richest, the smartest.. it ends all ends... If it is not about achievement then what can be purpose about.. all the purpose people talk and I have till now heard is about where do you want to be...

The new age psychologists who study fulfilment through work these days, say it is about aligning your life with your motivations and value system through a series of positive actions.. These are rooted in your personality which is stable over time, align it and you feel good.. for example you may value altruism so you find ways to align your actions around that.. or you may value money so you align yourself towards work which gives you the same.. Alas this also does not answer, as we a re so multidimensional and motivations are like a shifting goal post, you have money and you will need power, you have power and you may need fame, you have that and you may need something else.. It is a circle and desires in general don't fulfil anything..fulfilling desires is impossible and my point is it is also not a purpose.. so what is left to have a purpose?

If you are reading this at this point, you may want to raise your hand and say purpose is about helping others in need.. The question is  - Is it a purpose or a worthy action? Help people in need cannot be a purpose but a responsibility, a higher action in the hierarchy of actions categorized under humanity... A way to pay it back for all you have got from others, a way to acknowledge that all of us are social animals and need love, help, support and it does not come unless we extend it ourselves. A way to a peaceful life, a way to fulfil a deep desire which we all have of seeking love and companionship, and it is only possible if we also give.. it is not a one way traffic.. overall energy on the planet remains same, it can be rooted in goodness or evil.. the more goodness the more happiness.. These actions are not purpose but the right way to act, even in this there are so many variants, causes to work for - education, people with special needs, poverty, sick, environment, corruption, etc. These actions are important to do our bit to save humanity for a future generation, make future life better and not a purpose...

If purpose is not achievement, fulfilling needs, doing good - Can there be a purpose? is purpose a myth an intellectual debate of mind to keep us distracted from what we must do, a strategy of mind to make us lethargic, keep us away from hard work in the work we have taken, in fulfilling responsibility? a way of mind to procrastinate, not accept our imperfections by believing we are not being perfect as it is not what we really are meant to do.. I don't know 

By writing again and again on this, I am convinced, there is no higher purpose to be looked for. Purpose for me is to be honest with life, taking the daily life steps with all I have got, to handle the questions of life rooted in here and now. Future is unpredictable I just need to find a balance between my responsibility towards my self, others who are my responsibility - kids, partner, parents, friends and towards my desires which make me feel good.. All bounded within a value system which constitute good karma, which means I don't act in fear, greed, weakness, don't harm someone for my gain..... 

It is about a balance between responsibility, love n care and my desires. A balance much hard to achieve as life has much subjectivity, each moment testing us to take decision which can either bring this balance or disrupt it....Right effort for the same is the purpose, that's all ! Discovering yourself is the purpose, that's all! Trying to move ahead is the purpose, that's all......

Purpose...

"We have lived our lives by the assumption that what was good for us would be good for the world. We have been wrong. We must change our lives so that it will be possible to live by the contrary assumption, that what is good for the world will be good for us. And that requires that we make the effort to know the world and learn what is good for it.-- Wendell Berry

Purpose - 2

What is the purpose of my life? I meet many frustrated, bored people who lack purpose, and are looking for more meaning in life. I wonder what is a worthy purpose to aspire for? Are all purposes not having the same end - your happiness? Can there be just one purpose?

To answer some of these questions I thought about the heroes of the past and today, who were/ are determined to do something larger than their own self. Most I realize have a single minded focus and seem to have a purposeful life. The difference I concur between the heroes and the non heroes is a long term goal, to which they dedicate themselves. There are 2 aspects - 1) having a long term goal 2) single minded dedication.

Take a minute to think about all the people who you have met or read about who you believe have a clear purpose. I bet for all those people the above definition will fit in, they have a dedicated long term goal and they put their heart and soul to it. 

It is as easy as above, it does not need to be rooted in philanthropy or compassion or some idealism. Mother Teresa had a purpose so did Mark Zuckerberg. One may debate one purpose to be higher than the other, but that is a judging through a value system. Who is superior is not the question but it is an evolving phenomenon, Bill Gates had a purpose when he wanted to build Microsoft, he now has a purpose working to better society through his foundation. There are stages as per the life demands and your own wisdom, which are to be acknowledged, judgement of what is higher is needless. 

One just needs to have a long term goal and stick to it, the next logical  question is if this is so simple why do most struggle to have a purposeful, meaningful, fulfilling life?  This is a difficult question to answer and there could be many reasons, I have listed some which I think are the top ones, I will be happy to hear from all the readers what they think could be the reasons. I will recommend you make your own set of reasons what has been stopping you and see how you can overcome them

Reasons:

1. Choices - We are spoilt by choices, have multiple interests, desires and get lost in trying to have all. We need to make a choice of one, and often are lost in trying to decide which one? The key will be to decide one for now and follow the rest at a later date. An example - you meet many interesting people in life but you only marry one at a time; you have to decide and commit
2. Not knowing self - Many of us are so lost in managing what others want or running the rat race that we are not in touch with ourselves, not knowing what we really are good at or what we enjoy. Not knowing self can be very confusing to set a goal. Sometimes we have to try something new, even if it feels stupid to just know if this is it or not. 
3. Commit - This is very difficult the choices keep tempting us, confusing us. One has to just follow a 6 month rule - We must commit to this -  for next six months I am dedicating myself to a goal and will rest all doubts for later
4. Inertia  - This is another roadblock, any single minded focus means a lot of effort and many of us find it difficult to take the first step. Wise people say often the first steps are the most difficult to take. Each day one has to push oneself before you get into a rhythm and start enjoying the journey. Sometimes it is this inertia which makes us feel frustrated and we fool ourselves by not acting but blaming the world, blaming our inadequacies, our environment, lack of support from friends & family, for a lack of purpose in life.
5. Setbacks - We tend to stop focussing on the goal and start getting blocked by not being successful or  fear of failure. The goal is not about success or failure but about the journey, it is a long term one in which we need to just learn to move ahead from the position we are at right now. Even an inch of improvement is success. Setbacks can also waiver commitment, lead to inertia or increase the confusion

Optimism or Pessimism or Somewhere in Between

There are advocates of optimism who swear by it as the panacea for all ills, guaranteeing happiness. Pessimism sits on the other end of this equation is considered to be a reason for unhappiness. These advocates of optimism are ranging from leading psychologists to wise people who have best sellers in their list. In fact this belief of optimism is more of an outcome of media. They fill us with stories of heroism against all odds, the zero becomes a hero, battling  all odds of life, and in the end perseverance backed by optimism changes fortune.

My take on this is different, as media tells us there are many whose dreams come true, but there are many more whose dreams are not met, and there are many who end up in drugs, asylum, prisons, unemployment, etc. People who buy this philosophy have selectively beamed information as they think is right. 

My take is optimism is as good as pessimism, if there is anything which works and can bring you happiness is realism. It is not my idea but my own interpretation of what I hear in the Indian philosophical system. It is a common saying here in India and most of the philosophical texts contain the same truth in some form or the other. Karma Kar Phal Ke Chinta Mat Kar - This translates to do your bit but don't bother about fruits. It essentially advocates right effort and leaving the outcome out of it. The outcome can be anything, but what should be the goal of the individual is the effort he or she puts in. It is not about being optimist or pessimist but just being neutral, all energies directed towards the effort. 

Why I believe this works best? Being an optimist may initially encourage you to put an effort but it may or may not lead to the desired outcome, unfortunately the outcome is dependent on many other factors - people around you, environment, competition, luck, etc. An optimist will find it difficult to deal with the situation when the outcome does not turn out to be the way s/he was dreaming of and is bound to get frustrated and turn pessimist. Pessimism can be definitely worse than optimism as it does not even give the initial impetus to put in effort. 

An example  - A student, who has got a low grade, is optimist and believes will cover up in the final exams so that the overall grades will be better. The optimism coaxes him or her to work hard towards the grade. On the other hand pessimist considered low grade as fait accompli and does not put in any effort. What is better? Optimism.. definitely... 

However on the day of the exam  the student got ill, had a terrible headache and could not do well. Imagine now how unhappy the student will be? He wanted the grade, he was looking forward to it, made the efforts but alas it did not work out. Who will be more happier in this case, I guess the pessimist as his expectations were lower and he met them so a reason to be happy but the optimist will cry for a long time and curse his luck.. 

Consider now the student who had put in effort as grades are important, focussed on effort and not much on the grades or he bet on effort  = high grades. Illness will disappoint him or her but he will be happy with the journey of effort and will take solace in the fact there was right effort but was slightly unlucky...

That's what I believe in, good times or bad times nothing survive, there is another saying - this too shall pass.. What matters is the effort which you have put in and nothing else, the outcome is just a bonus. 

However let me end by telling you my view point is an ideal one, I will rate optimism far ahead of pessimism  and it is perhaps a journey to be taken  - from pessimism to optimism to realism focussed on effort.  

Surviving in Information Glut

Too much information keeps flowing. In a short span of time the inputs we receive today are enormous, it is virtually impossible to absorb all. Unfortunately I don't think the information is making us any more intelligent, it is just slowing down the reaction time, lowering productivity.

Every time information comes, we get distracted by it, the information sender always packages it in such a manner that we are tempted to look at it. At each instance we need to decide if this information is useful or not, hence atrophying our mind energy, each instance we pay attention to the new information, it clutters and distracts.

I am not saying information is bad but it needs a lot more skilled mind to navigate, to make use of it for increased productivity, for increased intelligence, for better decision making. The mind is however not skilled,  the information by itself has a part in de-skilling it further. The difference in someone winning today will be in the skill to manage the mind.

Few tricks which have worked for me:

1. When you start reading any information, at the instant decide if it is useful or not, if not useful delete it else go ahead and read. The decision has to be within few seconds else you will waste crucial time
2. If you begin to sieve through the information, make a crux map and give it a silent treatment for a minute for mind to organize it
3. Categorize it and store it in a folder from where you can easily retrieve when you need it

I know what went wrong

You know what I have been wronged by my office,
Even I am wronged by the leadership team,
I was wronged by the salesman,
I was too wronged by this selfish friend,
What the hell, mine is bigger I was wronged by my sibling,
That's nothing I was wronged by my best friend,
Hah, I was wronged by my own family, all of them,
I was by - Selfish blood suckers, destiny, her, him.

Blame on everyone others is the story today, everywhere,
I am looking for souls, who say I was wronged by myself,
I know happiness is in me and I am being wronged by self.
If anyone is to be blamed it is me, and only me.

I believe my destiny is my creation and I believe I have control, I am not a puppet of others and circumstance.

Can life be easy?

I hope my role is perfect,
I hope my rating is good,
I hope my boyfriend is greatest,
I hope my car is swankiest,
I hope my path is correct,
I hope my work is appreciated.

I want to grow big soon,
I want to be known soon,
I want to be best soon.

Many desires and many fears,
This is story of each human day,

Can life not be made easy?
Simple needs with simple life,
Rooted in here and now.

http://www.karmatube.org/videos.php?id=2747

Why do we see life upside down?

I believe we can blame the principles of meritocracy to the stress and anxiety people feel these days. The value system especially applicable to the urban areas is lopsided towards how we are doing professionally and what it means is someone else will be ahead of you. It is a race after all. What it further means is that you are constantly told that any failure can be ascribed to the talent level you possess or in harsher terms you are assigned to the level of your incompetence or stupidity. 

In our lives meaning of self is derived from work, there is no wonder then there is stress, anxiety with respect to future outcomes. Success becomes necessary, people have amazing illusions about themselves which act as a self defence mechanism which make you feel better, there is politics, people resort to crab mentality pulling each other down to death. Once that self defence breaks in case of a little self aware person he or she cries in agony. Agony of truth of her stupidity or talent level. After all someone will overtake and that means you are good enough. Agony of the fact that this is it there is no going up further, you have hit your highest points and your friends, peers, colleagues till now your equals have still a few more miles to go. 

This reality makes you feel inadequate, a failure and will put you in constant stress about future, you may just get anxious about the fact if you will ever be able to come up? Such questions can bother and pull you further down. 

Alas this is what meritocracy does to you, raises you makes you a hero but only to a certain point. How do we get out of this, can we not believe that self worth is not equal to the designation or success at each activity we undertake. Not everyone can come first. Some are more talented, put in a lot more effort, sacrifice everything else to get ahead in the rat race. Not all can be equal in a race. So what is the alternative we can develop? What is the world view we need to develop? 

We need to not define ourselves with the race we keep running, we need not define ourselves with what we have been acquiring and where we stand when compared with others. Peace, happiness, stress free is a result of immersing oneself in the moment, taking one step at a point to your best capability. It is knowing that we are not falling back from where we are even if it means you cant move ahead, it is about learning and enjoying the current moment. It is a race with your self, to move ahead from wherever you are.

More than that perhaps it is not even about this race, life is a lot more there are plenty of miserable people. Pain, failure, suffering, misfortune is all around. If you look around you will realize how lucky you have been. What really matters is you feel grateful, each day a little gratitude to all the positives which are there in your life can help you cultivate positivity and  train your mind to look at what is happening in your life and not what constantly crib about what is not happening. 

Hope everyone feels the peace, happiness, gratitude before death takes this life away. Hope everyone learn to appreciate the good and not crib about the bad, hope all cultivate the mind to see the glass half full  and not half empty. Life is beautiful and life is also ugly it all depends where you want to look. I prefer to look at the  beautiful and be aware that there is some ugliness not to feel scared but to appreciate the beauty even more. 

What if I screw up......

Remember I screwed up in the past and I may just do that again.. This is the ugly face of anxiety and stress. It is made up of two thoughts fear of what if I screw up and bolstered by some past screw ups. 

All is however not a reality but imagination. The event is yet to happen and is unpredictable. What it does however is makes you paralysed, you just start living in fear and let your life just pass by. It is a short life and it is a pity to be in such a state. 

Anxiety is not an inherent nature but an acquired one. A manifestation of mind and can be dealt with if one is willing to put an effort. Imagine if this was an inherent nature. A child when starts to learn to walk she falls, not once but several thousand times. If anxiety was an inherent nature the child would have thought  - God I fell again I am such a jerk! Next time if she wanted to try to walk again the memories of all the earlier falls would just stress her out and she will rise fearfully trying to do again and damn she falls again. If anxiety was an inherent nature all the kids would have been on a wheel chair.

How did we manage to acquire such an ugly trait?  And some of us has acquired to a degree that we need tranquillizers. I think it is perhaps the over-dependency on pleasure, anxiety and stress were not so common in the past...about 100 years ago. Life involved some hardship and hardship was considered to be a norm, failure meant hardship it was part of life. Also life meant relationships - it was about the family, not just the immediate family but an extended family, society, etc. You lived your life with them and they never bothered of the screw ups you made, they were always there for you. They did not let the screw up become a live ghost of your mind. Life was beyond it. Life was simple and was about daily living we did not depend on reaching a certain milestone. 

In contrast life today is full of pleasures, screw up means pain which we just have to avoid the pleasure is our drug. We have forgotten no pain no gain. Courage which is doing it right even when you feel the fear is a lost trait. To add to it we have moved away from the life around the family and have reduced the life to a series of transactions of success and failure. A lot depends on these transactions and if you screw up you are of course doomed. There is a lot is at stake. It is a situation like the person who has put all his savings on the gambling table, if he loses the hell will break loose. It will and no wise saying can save him. That's the dependency we have created around a few things and if we fail we are bound to feel the stress and anxiety. 

Is there a way to reverse it? There is, after all not all end up acquiring this trait so there are plenty of ways to keep away from this disease. To begin with don't put all your eggs in one basket there are plenty of activities which can give you the pleasure which are seeking through life. spread your wings and don't be dependent on only one item for your happiness. If you have been putting all your energy in your job, increase your life invest in friends, family, hobby, anything which challenges you; makes you feel good about yourself. You don't have to climb the Mount Everest begin doing activities which challenge your skill level this will reduce your dependency if one goes wrong you have others to depend on. 

All above is good to start but the best method will be to train your mind. After all this is acquired nature of mind, as a child you did not have this, you were full of energy, hope optimism and learning new things. You were enjoying the process and not worrying about the results. If you have to kill this ugly acquired trait you need to clean your mind. How? There are several ways  - writing a journal - Build positive stories, acknowledge the good so that the mind does not trick you into just the failures; Meditation - it helps bring a balance in your thoughts; Immerse in the process of life - Train your mind to concentrate on the task you are doing and not overly depend on  the result, enjoy the process. If you fail learn from it, don't let it go waste.. 

Rise and try to walk again. Don't get anxious and end up with a wheel chair...

Happiness

This has become a cliché now that happiness does not come through material or senses. They are pleasurable but happiness is something different, it is a state of mind.

Happiness comes when you are in control. In control of your surroundings and are able to manoeuvre your way as you desire.

• You become happy when you are in control of your work and you mesmerise your customers, peers, boss with the output. you are in control
• You become happy when your lover does as you would have wanted it, you are in control.
• You become happy when you are in control of your time. All done well as planned within time. You control your time
• You become happy when you are at your best in your social circle or with customers. You are appreciated for what you are. You are in control

Control gives happiness. Spirituality and Philosophy believe you cannot control the surroundings, you can never be that perfect and moreover the surroundings also want the same control. There will always be a conflict. As per them best is you control your mind and try to want as less external control as possible. Get it to a point of zero so that you are eternally happy. It definitely has a logic less you want from outside more you are in control of what you want as all lies within you and is independent of the surroundings. The more control you have on your mind the more happy you get. 

Life & Thoughts - 2

Life brings in many contradictions and answers are always difficult. The good thing is all such contradictions serve a definite time, they have their death and it solves by itself. One such contradiction is success and failure. 

We all want for ourselves, our loved ones, friends, family - success. But there are times it just does not come, life has its own ways of dealing with it. Life does not look at effort alone and there is luck, which a lot of times play a spoil sport. Unfortunately with failure comes whole lot of emotions - you feel as if you are being cheated, life is unfair to you, selfish conniving people robbed you of what you deserve, you start feeling under confident, you doubt yourself. The moment just takes over you with a force that it makes you go through a whirlpool. Not a happy one, too many thoughts, emotions.. utter confusion, anger, depression. 

All of this has a ripple impact. All your loved ones feel anxious, worried and they wonder what can we do to make you feel better. Many feel the same way you feel - Why is life so unfair? Why are people so selfish and conniving? Why do they hurt? They fear that you may lose yourself and want to protect you. 

But they cant protect you. The mind does not listen to anyone but to its own self. If it does not have the right coping mechanism it can go down; down to a point of no return. It is scary. 

The mind needs coping mechanism. The coping mechanism is nothing but a repository of good successful experiences, of happy thoughts, its about belief in oneself, it is about knowing your strengths and playing on it.  This is the repository you can go back to and remind yourself this too shall pass. There are ups and then there are downs. But there are ups. That builds hope and gives you courage to stand again and fight. 

The coping mechanism develops much faster  with sensitive encouragement from people who want to protect you - your loved ones, colleagues and family. This is perhaps the most important purpose of any relationship. If the relationship does not provide you this encouragement and is not sensitive to you, your strengths it is meaningless. Get away from it.