The Standards of Self and Disappointments

Story #1 - I had to make a presentation to a group on a subject which is close to my heart. I have done it many times earlier and have done well. I did not therefore needed to prepare. On the fateful day we started on time I made the right starts with the practiced opening but in between I faltered, it did not go well. I was disappointed. The self was questioning self, labeling self - Was I arrogant? Should I have not prepared? How could I?

Story #2 - I value giving, fearlessness and pushing myself to do better. I have been practicing Buddhist meditation technique Vipassana for last several years. There came an opportunity to volunteer for Vipassana. With my values it was a no brainer that I need to jump in and do my bit, but in between came my own pleasurable and comforting weekend plan which I had been waiting for. There began a conflict of what i must do, till the time of deadline of volunteering I was in pain, after that disappointed by self. A feeling of letting down self, How could I?  I do think I do my bit on the values, but still the self was questioning self...

Failing to meet own standards of self happens often, there are many moments you live up to it, there are few you fail as well. But the failure sometimes grips the mind so much that it can go on beating you, making you feel sad. The emotion unfortunately has no reason and does not look at win ratios but goes on like a broken record on that one failure and the mind automatically accumulates all such transgressions, adds negative adjectives. Result - restlessness or anxiety or sadness. 

These are the times to take solace in self forgiveness, self compassion - get silent and tell yourself "I forgive myself for being unable to live upto my expectations. It is a journey and next time I will try to do better". This does not stop here it may be worthwhile also to examine the values if they are in conflict with what you really are and believe in and have the next step planned.

Water Water Everywhere but not a Drop to Drink

I have read, understood, made notes of all the wisdom in books but the same damn wisdom I am not able to live!

In one of the Vipassana lectures Goenka ji explains there are 3 types of wisdom and with varying impact on life. In order of hierarchy of impact these are:

1. Shrutpragya or Wisdom acquired through reading or listening wise thoughts 
2. Chintan-Pragya or Wisdom acquired through thinking and analyzing whatever was heard or read
3. Bhavanamayi Pragya or Wisdom acquired through experience

That's where the struggle is reading all the great thinkers in Twitter and using intellect to like a certain level of knowledge that is easy but to imbibe these in life, making this part of experience is what is a real struggle.

With all the knowledge dissemination through internet we have a generation of wisely informed people but with huge gap in practiced wisdom...

What we need to do is pick the thought which you relate to and exhibit courage to experience it, making it a part of life!

Damn the habits, fear & procrastination...

Festivals of India - 1: Diwali

I am very ignorant about all festivals of India, it is very ironic since I have lived in India amongst people for whom these festivals are like religion, they celebrated and follow all rituals possible. This series of blog is an attempt for me to understand the festivals.. I begin today with Diwali which is today!

The following are excerpts from various sites on the web:

The name "Diwali" or "Divali" is a contraction of deepavali which translates into "row of lamps". Diwali involves the lighting of small clay lamps filled with oil to signify the triumph of good over evil. These lamps are kept on during the night and one's house is cleaned, both done in order to make the goddess Lakshmi feel welcome. Firecrackers are burst because it is believed that it drives away evil spirits. During Diwali, all the celebrants wear new clothes and share sweets and snacks with family members and friends.

There are various legends pointing to the origin of Diwali or 'Deepawali.' Some believe it to be the celebration of the marriage of Lakshmi with Lord Vishnu. Whereas in Bengal the festival is dedicated to the worship of Mother Kali, the dark goddess of strength. In Jainism, Deepawali has an added significance to the great event of Lord Mahavira attaining the eternal bliss of nirvana. Diwali also commemorates the return of Lord Rama along with Sita and Lakshman from his fourteen year long exile and vanquishing the demon-king Ravana.

Diwali consists of three to five days of celebrations (the duration depends on where you come from or derive the celebratory traditions from). Each day of Diwali has its own tale, legend and myth to tell. 

• The thirteenth day from Poornima (Full Moon) (Dhanatrayodashi or Dhanteras). This is the first day of Diwali. "Dhan" means "wealth" and teras means thirteenth day. This is the day for celebrating the goddess Lakshmi, the Goddess of Wealth. For some places in India, the lamps are kept burning for Lord Yamaraj, the God of Death.
• The fourteenth day (Chhoti Diwali or Narak chaturdashi). Hindus believe that this is the day that Lord Krishna destroyed the demon Narakasur, freeing the world from fear. Firecrackers are often let off from this day.
• The new moon day (Diwali / Lakshmi puja / Lakshmipujan) of the dark fortnight of Ashvin. This is the actual day of Diwali, and the most significant day. If the house has not already been cleaned, it must be done early this day to welcome the Goddess Lakshmi. Gifts and sweets are exchanged on this day to strengthen bonds of love between family and friends. Firecrackers are let off after dinner.
• The first day of the bright fortnight of Kartik (Balipratipada / Padiwa / Goverdhan puja / Varshapratipada). This is the day that Lord Krishna lifted the Govardhan Parvat to protect the Gokul people from Indra's wrath and King Vikramaditya was crowned.
• The fifth and final day of the Diwali Festival (Bhai Dooj / Bhaiya Dooj). On the final day of Diwali, brothers and sisters renew sibling love, with sisters applying the sacred red tilak on the forehead of their brothers and praying for their long life, while brothers bless their sisters and provide gifts of love.

·         Not everyone includes the thirteenth day, and the separate holy festivals of Vasubaras and Bhaubij precede Diwali, and follow the Diwali Festival respectively.

What is done on Diwali

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• Go shopping. It is customary to buy utensils and ornaments on the first day of Diwali
• Clean the house and business premises thoroughly before the first Diwali day, or the Dhanteras.[3] Do the laundry, clean all the rooms and sort out your papers in both your home and business. It's like a spring cleaning of sorts, a "cleansing" ritual to rid yourself of any unnecessary elements in your environment. Draw small footprints using rice flour and vermillion powder over your house; this is a way of indicating that you're awaiting the arrival of the Goddess.
• Make the entrance way to your home or business colourful using the traditional motifs of Rangoli designs. This is a joyful way to welcome the Goddess of Wealth and Prosperity.
• Burn lamps every night during the festival. In the evening, light small oil lamps (called "diyas") and place them around the home. Turn all the lights on and light some candles. The lamps symbolize knowledge or one's inner light, which brings about inner peace and fights off any traces of darkness and ignorance.
• Light some firecrackers and fireworks. These are a common part of Diwali, used to symbolize warding off evil from your surroundings. They are usually set off in greatest numbers on the actual day of Diwali (the third day).
• Wear new clothes and jewels on the second and third days. If you are a woman, try to obtain a sari, the traditional Indian dress for women. If you're a woman, wear an Indian blouse (known as sari) and top. Men normally wear kurthas, the national clothes for Indian men.
• Bake sweets, snacks, and savouries. These are traditional offerings for Diwali and are given as gifts
• Perform a "Lakshmi pooja". This is a ritual performed on Diwali day (the third day) in order to seek divine blessings from the Goddess of Wealth, Lakshmi, who helps those who strive to achieve wealth. It consists of an elaborate ritual using grains, leaves, coins, and idols to prepare a ceremony. During this ritual, you can invoke the Goddess by reciting the Vedic mantras or by thinking of her being showered with gold coins with two elephants standing one each side of her as you chant her name. Offerings are made and at the end, the aarti is performed quietly and a peaceful atmosphere should accompany the entire ritual.
• Play games. Games are a part of the Diwali Festival, including card games, Rummy,  etc. It's not just for kids but for everyone! It's okay to play for money in card games but don't wager too much. The legend behind gambling on Diwali is that Goddess Parvati played dice with her husband Lord Shiva and declared that whoever gambles on Diwali night would prosper throughout the coming year
• Care for your sibling. Brothers and sisters affirm sibling love and look after one another on the final day of Diwali. Cook for your sibling, give your sister presents, and tell your brother you love him and wish him a long life

 More on below links: 

1. Wikipedia Link - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diwali
2. 10 reasons for celebrating Diwali - http://hinduism.about.com/cs/diwali/a/aa102003a.htm
3. More about Diwali - http://www.hindujagruti.org/hinduism/festivals/diwali/celebration.php