Resolutions..

Another new year and time for more resolutions.. Well I gave up  resolutions a while back... drawing those long list of resolutions is like looking at the to do list one has at work.. why make it stressful... just live... 

All one needs is a modicum of true self assessment and making small goals, every day goal... not wait for a day like new year make it a grand event and then feel the stress of a long list of to dos, guilt for failing to have managed that... 

life is to live, life is to learn and it does not have to wait for a new year, each next moment is new.. it is about taking small steps.. it is about a pace which is spread over time and not rushed... it is about accepting ones own imperfections and forgiving oneself and from there taking baby steps... 

A simple complicated life

You want it but,
you don't try hard,
you give in to fears,
you give in to laziness,
you still keep wanting it.

You don't want it but,
you fall for it,
you can't resist it,
you say next time,
you promise to make amends.

The cleavage...

There are woman who are extremely comfortable with showing off their cleavage and then there are those who are not...  

It is quite funny when you are out with friends and one of your friends, a girl wears some trendy or for a more apt word sexy outfit... The cleavage is showing but she is not the one who is comfortable. well it ruins all the trendiness. the endless drama of each minute she pulling back the dress or holding it tight, each time she speaks people look as you are supposed to listen and more discomfort and more pulling of the dress... and the listeners don't know where to look... painful as you feel guilty of looking even when you are not or you worry that she does not think that you were looking :) .. painful... I have seen this drama with short skirts as well.. 

So to all woman the advice is wear what you comfortable in, you will look more attractive not because of the dress but the way you carry yourself... 

Continuing Education

I was wondering why formal education stops after school. The adults have much more capacity to comprehend and much clarity as to what they want.. The needs are different it is no longer linked to education leading to a degree but it is about what one wants.. It is about growth..

Human beings are blessed with this capacity and no other living being is; yet most around seem to be wasting it. We should have a school of adult education and am not talking about the ones which are for literacy but higher education about subjects which interests adults and their life phases....

Shut up Mind ! #2

I was looking for peace,
Serenity free from mind,
Just being there in time,
witnessing it, relishing it.

Couldn't as my mind
just chats non stop
from past to future,
drawing inferences,
judging myself & others
from elation to doubt,
from one topic to another,
from theory to theory,
from memories to memories

Oh Mind please Shut up !

An Alternate Lifestyle

I was travelling last weekend and reached early at the airport.. I had not much to do so i thought let me watch this mela/ crowd of people at airport.. people coming and going.... 

I saw a lot of faces which were tired and many lost in thought, some chatting up with their friends/ family they were travelling with... All grown up in some sense were lost.. the only engaged and happy were the kids which had no boundaries and they charm the people around them, they were making relationships with all and sundry around them.... 

That is no new observation but i was wondering what if all grown ups become like that, like those kids... will it be better or worse? Let me explain what it will mean, it will mean that i and all grown ups start smiling and chatting up without any reservations with people around, establish a relationship.. do not judge them and do not have any facade keeping it formal.. don't have any fear of being judged.. Don't have to think of an opening line for communication it will be direct and a conversation full of love... it will be kind of coming to that school alumni meet and meeting long lost friends who you have not spoken for years... It is about boundary less relationships ... about breaking barriers if one knows the person.. it will require a lot of trust... The people we chat with also will require to be trusting and not think oops my privacy is being invaded why is he/ she bothering me... It will mean giving up many facades of being independent... 

All those hundreds of people will be chatting and laughing at the airport than sitting waiting for their flight boarding to be announced and tiring themselves... They will just be in a meaningful loving relationship.. they will be in the moment...  

All of us other than chasing materialistic goals of money, fame etc long for acceptance from people.. and what it takes is just a bit of trust, conversation and being non judgmental... it will be fulfilling for all.. with some you will strike a chord and may make long lasting friendship... 

I wonder if this is possible and what makes us not be able to do so...... In small villages/ townships some time back people used to have such kinship.... 

Journey of life

I am bothered by the way life is going,
It comes from my hunger for more.
The hunger is insatiable and takes me to all directions,
It wants quantity and a lot of variety and there is no end.
But the time is limited and not all can be digested
and therefore begins a conflict.. which to choose?.

Life i have realized is nothing but a series of choices
Those choices made propel it in different directions.
At each moment there is a choice - thrill or calmness, happiness or unhappiness...
But strangely I don't know fully the consequences of the choices we take...

Life is about choices and I don't know fully the consequence of choices,
The consequence is in future which is unpredictable,
There are probabilities of likely consequence but it is at best a probability,
Choices propel to an unpredictable consequence,
After one consequence one moves to another choice and further consequence,
Life is a journey of choices and consequences and in the end it rests, it dies.

What are these choices, consequences worth?
Is there no continuity to life an end one must aim for?
Is it just a journey which ends for each in a certain way?
Are there really any better choices and consequence?

What is the ultimate consequence I must aim for?
Happiness? Perfection? Love? Fame? Power?

Life & Thoughts

Thoughts are staring at me
Had thought of a few ideals
Life made the thoughts practical
The thoughts are staring at life

To be or not to be

There you are... Thinking about to do or not to do... I often get stuck in this situation, the two different paths each leading to a different direction and each bringing its own pleasures and pains. which one to take?

Then there is the path you are already walking on, it is so cosy and familiar and its pleasures you are accustomed to.. Which one to take...

Pleasure and pain are part of parcel of all, how do I decide which one I eliminate; do I just take the plunge basis which one will give me a new experience and learning given all other things are equal. Do I take a long term view and decide. Long term sounds good but long term is unpredictable it rests on many IFs and BUTs...

Robert Frost said I took the road one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference... 


Was the difference good or bad he did not tell.. To be or not to be...

Damn Stupid

Is Intelligence really Intelligent?
What was intelligent yesterday,
Looks Damn Stupid today.

What has changed in between?
Was yesterday right or is today?

Our faculty of judgement changes
It changes with we changing
or we change with this faculty changing?
Life has changed in between
It is not today or yesterday
It is the change which has changed
Intelligent into Damn Stupid.

If you have not changed for better
You may become Damn Stupid.

Am I sounding Damn Stupid or Intelligent here?

Life and Hungry Stomach

Life is like the hungry stomach,
Wanting to have the greatest meal
Tasty meals, meals after meal,
with a dream of no end.
It fills only for a short duration
digests wiping off the past, wanting more
tasty meals, meals after meal
have a little more and you puke
experiment and you poison yourself

I am searching for the perfect meal
tasty everlasting meal...

More on Vipassana..

This blog is an attempt to answer  the frequently asked questions related to vipassana...

The first level of curiosity with everyone is what do you do in the 10 days, the 10 days is a royal treat you are a king with no responsibilities and no worries there and you are just supposed to focus on your self. You are there to pamper yourself but sans any external stimuli. You are cut off from the external world, no mobile, reading, writing, laptops, TV, talking of any type, no responsibility of cooking, ordering food, all is set and u are a guest there. for all the 10 days free from all such stimuli you are supposed to just focus on practice of meditation. 

The routine for meditation for some is tough and for some it is interesting as it is hard core deep meditation, I remember being attracted to it only for this reason. It is not like any other course where you meditate for some time and are back to daily world, this is in pure classical form... you work hard for 10 days only to see the fruits when it is over, till that time it is hard work. Net net you only meditate. Roughly 10.5 of hrs of meditation in a day and 1.5 hrs of lecture explaining the technique, no philosophy all practical.

What you do in meditation people think it is about introspection or focusing on a mantra, none in this. For the first 3 days there is practice of anapana which is a technique to sharpen concentration and getting ready for vipassana, 4th day one gets to do vipassana.. Vipassana well that is a meditation through which you observe the programming as explained in my earlier blog and try control it. It sounds complex but it is not. 

The next question what is in it for me? what are the benefits - Freedom, peace, happiness, strong mind, control over self, emotions; reduced dependency on stimuli (senses and mind objects) for happiness... And then there are other physiological, psychological benefits.. people get rid of their psychological issues and some diseases as well. this as they say is a by product but not the end, the end is learning to be happy forever and happy @ infinite level.

The next question which is often asked is if you are detached/ less dependent and hence happy, will we not vegetate in life, needing nothing doing nothing just being happy. How will we work or enjoy the beauty around us? I am happy as is and not ready to give up my attachments which give me immense pleasure as on date it may be better to chase them than meditate and not wanting it....

To answer this one must answer  why does one chase, wanting pleasure and other outcomes related to senses. The indisputable answer to this is that the senses and its experience, outcomes makes me happy... happiness if is the end goal then why not be happy at all times.. With above you will be happy only for the times you have the senses titillated (which has a short life, for example taste of a chocolate or any others sensual experience all lasts for a few moments) and there is no guarantee you will get all you want at all times.. so if you dont want it you will be happy anyways, for longer durations and just be... Some of us think how can you be happy without these pleasures.. these pleasures are happiness. Thats a fallacy, happiness and sense experience if you observe are 2 separate entities. Happiness is a state of being, a state of mind - you dont feel the taste of good old favorite chocolate when you are happy, you feel a good taste and that may take you to a happy state, it is like a drug. If there is no such experience (chocolate taste at all times) you may not be happy but chasing more... if not chocolate some other such stimulus; it is like a drug. Imagine opposite of it you are in the state naturally and you done need any stimulus, that is real happiness in your control..  and that is what meditation teaches.

People get scared to hear above as that means giving up those sensual pleasures which we are attached to. Nothing of that sort happens but what it does is reduces dependency.. 

A mind unchecked, completely dependent on a stimuli is sick mind - example - a person who rapes - he has so much dependency on the act that he ends up doing it - he has no checks like morality, values, he is extremely selfish and wants irrespective how much it hurts the other.. why does he do it  - he wants it as he thinks that will make him powerful -thus happy, or whatever could be the reason but end goal is his own pleasure (and not causing pain to himself)... that is a dependent mind, sick mind; The example above is extreme but we all have some sickness like this, but the good guy feels guilty and feels pain when does some selfish act (even if the act is small) keeps a check with some effort; a bad/ sick guy does not feel guilt as his want and dependency is too high it and just hurt others time n again to get what he/ she wants

Meditation is a kind of check, tool to gain control; a tool to reverse the program which works at a unconscious level... 

With meditation you don't come out of all attachments its a gradual process you are just less dependent, more in control and are more happy.. it is an education on being happy. you can put the breaks as and when required or take the full path if you are ready and become a Buddha, free from all such attachments... or just use it as self improvement tool... decision is yours

Vipassana. The art of living

Often I am asked what is meditation especially vipassana. For me it is so much part of me and having never gone into theories just jumped into practical a while back I have never been able to answer it to my satisfaction. I wish to give a perfect answer which may encourage someone to take the course. 

Given have not been able to answer it well this is my attempt to explain it, hopefully next time i will do a better job. 

In simple terms vipassana is an exercise of mind, a comprehensive exercise which helps one understand the truth of our nature, helps in get in touch with oneself and that too at an experiential level and is beyond philosophical, psychology theories one gets to read or understands logically. 

One gets to experience the truth about oneself through internal observation. It is not an exercise of introspection but watching oneself and understanding the games which are played inside this life, your own life. Understanding oneself is the first step to improving oneself, so one can say it is a kind of education about self and life. 

In our daily life we keep programming ourselves basis the daily experience we have. This experience is fed to us through our 5 senses and mind. Each interaction is stored in form of a meaning, interpretation and that leads to a state of being - happiness or unhappiness. The state of being is thus stored in this program as desirable or undesirable. All of us are programmed thus each minute interaction of ours is stored thus. 

Minute could be as minute as the impact of me typing on the key boards, at the same time my mind thinking what to write, the smell in the room I am sitting, the butt paining due to sitting for long hours, mind feeding with some past memory of a great blog or something it is addicted to; at any point of time innumerable interactions are going on though we are only attentive to most gross interaction (unconscious mind is attentive to all)  and these interactions keep creating a state of being, desires and hatred. We are made of such millions of conclusions/ programs; the consequence are our personality, our state of being - lows and highs, value system, etc. Our basic nature is of being happy, calm and peaceful but we rarely are as we are reacting to all these interactions as stored inside all of us. Billions of such interactions, that is how we are programmed. 

Vipassana helps you understand this cycle of programming and how we could get free of this program and get to the state of calm, happiness and peace ! It trains the mind to be in control and not get led by this program of past experiences or future desires...

The end....

Nobody can escape " the end". All ends and it is scary to see life atrophying... to death... I met my maternal granddad (Nana) he is aged in last 2 years, immobile, unable to hear, dependent on everybody else.. waiting. He still has a good mind and is calm, he is in that sense aging gracefully.. 

I only wish he had learnt some meditation and could practice now peacefully. I feel completely helpless and sorry, just cant do anything in this ordeal for him... I just wish him peace, happiness in this tough phase...

Old age could be so scary, never thought so. Death is not as scary as old age can be..... 

It all ends in ashes; If the end is ash,

What  beginnings I make each day?

What is security; power; money?

Is this life just a memory in creation?

Selfishness...... Vice or Virtue?

Perhaps this is very straight forward for most. We have been taught from the day as a child we would have understood the meaning of this.. Selfishness is a vice; selfless is a virtue.

But i have come to believe selfishness is a virtue.. Come to think of it Prince Sidhartha left his Father, newly wed wife, his country men who he was to lead to something which he believed in, what he thought is correct; was that not selfish? So did Swami Vivekanand, not sure if it is true but it is said his mother and sister could not take his departure into a ascetic life and lost their balance. 

They both great spiritual mean pursued what they thought is right for them they were selfish...Well that throws some of my wisdom foundation off the track..

I do think selfishness is a virtue if used sensibly... You are selfish if you stop a bully from bullying you... the bully is enjoying himself and you bearing it may make you either selfless or may be a coward... This was may be not the most apt example  but whenever you put your view/ happiness first you are being selfish... and well common sense says there is no harm in being happy... but at the same time cannot deny selfless is a virtue.. contradictions !

the answers to all of this is not straight forward, it is about the balance of  consequence: it is about the consequence of the selfless or selfish act (the consequence of act of bullying is vice for example)..how the consequence affect the ecosystem around you and where does it take you... 

unfortunately to all what we call wisdom there are no textbook answers..... all i can say selfishness is not just bad, it can lead to your happiness.. you need to know where to draw the line.

Is that her?

While growing up there are always the romantic notions of relationships, picture perfect dreams. Movies spoil our mind further, handsome men, beautiful woman, beauty and brain, ask and you shall get.. You grow up and you realize finding the right partner is not picture perfect... and the dream guy/ girl just does not pop up one fine day and all pieces of life fall together. The more u are grown, the more you are demanding of life (that we must be after all it is just one life), the more confusing it gets.. there are questions galore and few answers. Sometime wonder why did love and life not come with an answer key...

You meet the person who you think is all good but something is missing, you know it at times and other times u dont know what is missing but you know that something is missing... or maybe nothing is missing but you just are not ready yet, you dont feel it to commit.. you are not sure if this is it. endless debates you get into but no argument seem to convince you on any side.. you try ask many questions, look it through different angles but you still are not sure... you wonder am i being too silly and letting go of a good partner, am i too demanding and impractical.... another part tells you that you must not be hasty or compromise and then regret for a long time..

I must say here there is another category of people who always find everything perfect.. they live in a happy world.. I envy them, they perhaps have the answers which i dont have. Envy them also because i think  i am more or equally intelligent but still do not have the answer. I know they have the answers... so what is it what is it that they know and i do not? OR Is it that they dont have the answers but they are lucky and god is playing tricks with me... I am no sinner or less noble than they are, i dont think god is unfair... So this is not it, just that i need to solve this puzzle.

coming back to the point... should i be listening to intelligent words like "compromise and be practical" or just wait for that perfect moment when my heart flutters and say this is it. should i listen to the mind or wait for those emotions which will sweep me off my feet?

some intelligent people say emotions are a product of mind and they will come eventually so let go of your fears and with total commitment give in and you will not regret, listen to your mind heart will follow... alas i am not that intelligent i am waiting for my heart to beat, hear to melt that i forget the mind and all just falls in place... where do i draw the line?

 

time to attempt an answer... develop an answer key.. I need to drop the imaginary thresholds and picture perfect notions of romance say bye to mills and boons.. The reason i see plenty of people falling in love and falling out of it... when in love it is an adrenalin rush which one has of winning someone who you admire, it is all beautiful when you win and you prove yourself... you feel important and loved... but then familiarity breeds contempt or if not contempt it erodes away that feeling of important and loved.. you are equal now...

Love and such heightened emotion die with time, these are to be nourished and revived with different angles of relationships, one of the angle belongs to practicality and logic.. the answer lie in both sides of argument, the practical and emotion...

For the right person:

The practical side tell me that I should be able to spend quality time with the person and there has to be a compatibility. The practical side tell me that I should be able to feel proud of this person, consider equal or higher.

The emotional side tell me that I should be able to feel good with the person. It need not be a vortex of emotion, of being pampered. All this cannot last long, time and familiarity erodes the strength of any heightened emotion.

The practical side tell that nothing is tailor made and there are few must haves that I must list, if they are there I must let go off of the fear of being wrong... The must haves to be on all 4 planes - Physical, material, intellectual & emotional. A threshold i need to decide in all planes

Whether i will know the answer exactly I doubt that, I need not compromise at all but I need to let go of some fear and commit... i just need to get rid of these doubts and fear.... do i have the answers still? I doubt as it is no mathematical equation (wish it was), but a direction yes !

____________________________________________________________

This one is dedicated to a friend who is seeking answers, so I thought let me attempt an answer from my side, it is an attempt of theory from my perspective

Shut up Mind ! #1

You stop at a traffic light and see that beggar out of the window of your car, crippled, hungry, famished.. You feel terrible for him.. thank your stars wonder how lucky you are, just born lucky.. thank god.. and move on

Next traffic light you dont see a beggar, but that beautiful car, new swanky, stylish, chauffer driven with a young woman sitting reading a newspaper at back.. you wonder why her, what has she done to deserve it.. wish you were there in place of her.... how unlucky you are !

Time to say: Oh mind you shut up ! you are so confused !

Love simplified

We have complicated love by intelligent theories. I now think the mundane (but not abundant) love in life can be defined in two bullet points:

• You are loved if you are made feel special by the lover by doing just a few actions for you and only for you
• The lover in your eyes has to be someone you consider to be worthy. By worthy I mean you should be able to respect the individual. If a devil does something for you, you will write it off and not feel loved. But this lies in the eyes of the beholder and is subjective

It is as simple and to love is even more simpler just a few actions for the loved one and not thinking about yourself. Yet I see people find it very difficult to love for various innumerable reasons. These reasons we have unfortunately are very intelligent ones, no doubt about that :) I have my own intelligent reasons.....

Wisdom Tweet #3

Mind is the key to the state of bliss and not getting the desired fruit. Watch it's dance every day, study its moves and one will realize it is so discontent and forever restless it justs makes one run from pillar to post, makes one doubt oneself, makes one live in future or past does not let life just be as it is !

It is doubting the above wisdom and is telling me  - you will vegetate if you dont run, you crazy ! Shut up mind ! I am too smart and know all so let me feel good we will debate some other time.

Freedom

Freedom, does it really exist?
Says so the book we got freedom in 1947
I dont feel free, I am caught in myraid chains
My ambition, my ego, my desires, my image,
My conscience that reminds me what is right for me
What I cannot do and how I need to do what I can do
My fear of losing what I desire,
All make me question the existence of freedom.

And then I wonder if I ever do get free,
Free of all these chains will I be alive though still living?

Answers anyone?

Wisdom Tweet #2

“The first steps to the journey are the most difficult ones!”


So true, I just find difficult to break or even digress from my current journey and take new baby steps. The comfort of current, fear, the giving up of all effort, starting afresh is all so difficult.

Senses vs Buddha

I want to explore limits of sensual pleasures and this blog is dedicated to my thoughts, theories around it. Am I obsessed by it, yes in a certain way I am obsessed. I am obsessed as I want to control senses but god damn it is too powerful that I am obsessed.


My obsession is not like the obsession of reckless indulgent I have a good control but yet I am not where near in giving up. I am not ready.

I question and debate if this even is a desired state. One part of my mind says yes. That mind is traditional, religious, seeker. It thinks there is life beyond you and me, us and them there is life after death, there are miracles and there are ideals of human perfection which are to be attained. This is the only purpose of being human being. This part of me is amazed by the human being, the machine we are, the feelings, the cycle of birth death and in between the existence, it gets overwhelmed by the beautiful life created around us.

The other part of my mind says well just enjoy the pleasure, just dip in the ecstasy and forget the Buddha, it was good for him and maybe he did had too much guilt of what is right and wrong. After all one day we will die, even he did. As long as I am living just savor the sweet taste and those sensations which leave you feeling happy, serene and out of the world.

I don’t know which part of my mind is correct but I am in a state of limbo till I resolve it and I know I have no answer or even a hope that I will have one quickly. It is a simple battle of a beautiful pleasure versus being free from such attachment and moving ahead. In the race towards death it is a battle to decide what is better way to live.

I know I think too much I could just dip myself in the emotion and live what feels right then trying to figure out what is right. As truly speaking what is right or wrong is definitely questionable and who cares as you die at end of the day.

My obsession is a product of this debate, if I leave the debate and be as gay as the believers of “right and wrong as taught” life will be simple.

I just have to give up the debate and give in to what life has in store for me. The problem is my self-discipline and control does not allow me giving in, I have a high degree of righteousness and I want to do what I think is right, I just cannot pardon myself with giving in to something I am not ok with. I cannot just flow with my base desires as I consider them and correctly I firmly believe as very low in the order of merit, in fact so low that the order is not of merit but of demerit.

Maybe it troubles me as I am more demanding of life and I want a synthesis of the right and wrong of senses and of Buddha. I want to have my cake and eat it too! Do I have any doubt that Buddha exists and there is more meaning to life? No, my reply is an emphatic “no”. I want to aspire this but I don’t want to give my sensual pleasures. It is similar to the lazy fat bum who wishes to lose weight but does not want to exercise, or give up his sweet tooth. I need to come to a state that I need one of more and I need to be out of the debate of “to be or not to be”, I need to desire one of the states more, I need passion and only then can I give up this duality. More than passion I also need a strong belief and a state of piety to one state so that I don’t waiver when the opposite side attracts me with its offer.

My self-discipline has got me this far to a fair degree of control, balance and effort but to take it forward I need the passion and a strong pious belief. There is no perfection but I have slid into a comfort zone of the status quo, now is the time to take the risk and give up something to take myself forward. The passion, belief is missing and intellect is failed big time in guiding me. Intellect has its limitations and objective logic of both sides is equally attractive, both have its pros, cons, unanswered questions, promises of a good life at end of destination. I need a bias towards one. Bias created of anything passion, belief, piety, righteousness, god, anything. God is also created for mankind to have a bias towards control and not let your mind, emotions, senses run amok. Alas! I am an atheist and no god has been created for the 21st century life. All are outdated.

The passion and belief can only help me take it to next level, allow me to risk one life for another and fear of failure or disappointment at the end of road will disappear. I have to now move to a state of passionate believer. The doubts and debate will die in the fire of such passion. The duality will end in bias.

Mind Conversations

The mind always has opposites. In my meditations I have come to realize no thought come without an opposing thought. Mind is in a constant dialogue berating or encouraging you. Mind always looks for someone comforting you, it either comforts itself from its own thought or if it is empty of experience it will look for others to tell. Some examples:


– Yin: I am bored of meditating
– Yang: Shut up, this is the best thing. Self discipline

– Yin: I want to play
– Yang: When will you work

– Yin: I want to become a doc
– Yang: are you good enough for a doc, engineering suits you better

– Yin: I think I like her
– Yang: Yes but are you sure, she does not like you

– Yin: I want to excel
– Yang: Yes only if you slog and not dream

Never is mind tired of it. All emotions and actions finally depend on the part of mind which wins. Most of the times there is no logic attached but it is a certain emotional attachment to a state which decides who wins. This opposing thought to the initial thought of desire and longing is what controls us and decides our fate.

A person who is not confident will always have opposing thought which will mean you are not good enough and he/ she will fall to it.
An arrogant person will always have the reactionary thought as all this is too low for him her
The opposing is also like a conscience.

Stages

Stages:
(Herman Hesse - Glass Bead Game)

As every flower fades and as all youth
Departs, so life at every stage,
So every virtue, so our grasp of truth,
Blooms in its day and may not last forever.
Since life may summon us at every age
Be ready, heart, for parting, new endeavor,
Be ready bravely and without remorse
To find new light that old ties cannot give.
In all beginnings dwells a magic force
For guarding us and helping us to live.

Serenely let us move to distant places
And let no sentiments of home detain us.
The cosmic spirit seeks not to restrain us
But lifts us stage by stage to wider spaces.
If we accept a home of our own making,
Familiar habit makes for indolence.
We must prepare for parting and leave taking
Or else remain the slaves of permanence

Even the hour of death may send
Us speeding on to fresh and newer spaces,
And life may summon us to newer races
So be it, heart: bid farewell without end.

Blabbering with Self

There are times when I feel a longing for object which lies outside the realm of truth, ideals which I want to imbibe. The longing is such that I wonder if the ideals I am chasing are right, the mind backs up with solid logic, shaking my foundation, shaking my belief system. I need to be more pious.


Because I do not have adequate knowledge or wisdom to know what is actually right I feel miserable. When will I have all the answers?

Wisdom Tweet #1

The challenge is to accept oneself. We struggle and find the others better and feel inadequate, incomplete. We want more than what we are and feel miserable. Accept what you have and from there take steps towards what you want, that is your journey. Learn to enjoy the journey as destination is far and many more destinations await you. By the time you reach the destination you may have lost valuable time in tension and strife. Just enjoy the journey and love yourself, accept yourself. This is the greatest gift of happy life we could learn


The secret lies in being able to forgive yourself of exacting standard by which you measure yourself and keeping the naughty doubting mind under control.

Death

Death comes without asking and can come at any moment, least unexpected moments. It moves me when I think of such an eventuality. It moves me into a certain fear, sadness, loss with the thought of unfinished journeys, unfinished tasks, unfulfilled desires, unrequited love.


It makes me realize the burden of responsibility and principled living. It makes me realize that I cannot break free these rules and the unfinished journeys have to wait. I just hope I am just lucky to not meet death till I can give in sufficient frequency some modicum of my time to finish those journeys. Frequency and quantity of time though is always difficult to manage.

Before death strikes, Amen!

Life After Death !

Life after death is such a comforting thought. To know that the time gone by can be lived again, and I need not do the same mistakes again is such a lovely feeling. You look forward to life with hope and positivity.


Even every day gives us the same chance, it is death of yesterday and it gives us a chance to start afresh, every moment. Past is past and present gives innumerable opportunities to make amends and do good for oneself.

The only hurdle is the mind which irrationally, crazily clings on the past and feels fear, miserable, insecure.

I just hope instead of god we could believe irrationally of life after death, after all there is no proof and the belief will help keep the hope afloat and make them keep their actions in check. Concept of God in today’s world has been rationally destroyed and we need a new belief to keep all the people sane, serene, disciplined and happy

Answers anyone?

To have unanswered questions and many unanswered questions makes life interesting, if I knew all wonder how boring life could have been.

Questions keep me busy; I have good debates and discussions with friends trying to figure out what the answer is. At times hit the bull’s eye and feel good about being able to have found the answer but life being ever entertaining life again puts a series of follow up questions.

The above is a reflection of calmer mood.

There are times these questions irritate me, bother me and I wonder why god does not give me the answers or I want to depend on someone who has all the answers, am looking for someone who even if does not know may say “yah what you thinking is the right answer”.

Mind, its state and the reasoning it offers, all is baffling!

Theroy of Relativity

This photograph is by Raghu Rai.

Just looking at the photograph I wonder what is right and what is wrong... nudity is considered so vulgar and look at them their reality is so different that they perhaps dont know how we look at clothes.. an absolute diregard of what we consider right...

Morals are relative, right or wrong or is relative... everything in life is relative that sometimes i wonder all what i believe in is that correct or just a relative truth which i have been believing in... i wonder if all i know if i really know !!

I hope i am not a moron but conditioned in a manner that i think i am pretty intelligent !! I wonder how based on conditioning people fight kill for what they beleive is right !! I wonder how one can kill for religion when that also is another conditioning.. I wonder how one know so confidently what is right and wrong !! i wonder if i am living right and if i ever be able to live right... or is there anything called right? or wrong?

I am confused...

Its been quite a confusing week... yes... mind is confused.

The bug of doing someting beyond the regular HR and try for something else caught me too hard. its been quite some time in the role i am doing. i have slogged and there is nothing to learn. its time for change either into a new role or have been thinking if for a year i should go and attempt something else. something in the field of education or even psychology. Now that can be a foundation for me to study something specific in the field of education.. just a stepping stone. Its a perfect idea but somehting is just stopping me. I dont know what there are logical reasons - the comfort zone of HR where i am doing well and i know if keep going i will do good for myself.. so the question which i have to answer for myself is am i ruining myself for a want of an easy life? am i just tired and running away or is it that i really want?

the other question is where will this road lead to.. do a stint in education, study become an educator sort of.. and then what? will i be able to get satisfaction of my work life, am i sure? is this that i really want in life? this is the question which is bothering me more... much more than the first

then there is another doubt.. that is is this the right time? should i settle all my pending issues of life which will take a couple of years at max and then take this risk? All this have put my folks under quite some pressure and this deviation in my career will bring in some bit of uncertainity... it can unnecessary stress them when there is enough which is already not gone in our favor.. so is this the right time? this is another important question..

i think i have all the answers all the time :) i can be bloody arrogant but this one eludes me.. i just am not able to make my mind... and i am feeling uneasy for this indecisiveness....

the 1st and 3rd are still manageable as I can always return to my core domain of HR and carry on i will not lose anything. what i need to answer is the 2nd quesiton... seems the confusion will continue till i change my role....

what is most stupid in life?

This is the question which i have for all. In the old story of kalidas (i think it was him only) he was considered to be very stupid given he cuts the branch of tree from the side where he is being supported.. sure to fall when the branch will be cut.

That level of stupidness is what i am talking about...

My opinion is most of us human beings fall in the category and are very ignorant of the fact. We have crazy demands/ wants from life but not even a single step is taken. Just keep freting and fuming and wanting more but will never move our lazy bums.

People want great careers but are not willing to work hard, people want love but not wanting to give their selfishness or never expressing them under a garb called fear, want to top in studies but cannot study, want to be intellignent but will not exercise their brains, want to be slim but not wanting to even do a little exercise or give up those junk food.. look around and there are so many such instances.. all waiting for a magic wand. It is even worse in India with our superstitions the magic wand is replaced by promises to make God happy through rituals and get all they want... Bribe God with prasad and prayers !!

what can be more stupid !!

unpredictable, ever evolving, ultimate conundrum, satisfying, endless opportunity

so what do you think I am talking about, it is my favorite topic.. how I just love blabbering about it assuming myself to be a little philosopher... I am talking about the one and only -

"Life"

It is so perplexing and I am most preoccupied by trying to understand it. I wonder how people can be bored if they are really living a life.. come to think of it there are so many riddles to solve that one could just keep himself/ herself busy in the game of life. it is just so wonderful it will make you feel one moment that you are on top of the world and another or the very next moment it will take you to another extreme opposite.. life becomes hell.. and if you give start thinking about it , trying to tame it well you have plenty in hand.. time to get bored?.. never.. I believe the people who get bored have not been living but just existing on the endless toys of mankind .. parties, shopping, TV etc.. dip yourself in life and you will be amused..

so life keeps me busy in its different facets and with it I keep evolving and it seems like an endless pit..

today I write about it due to an accident which though does not impact me directly but is powerful enough to make me think.. there was a fire in bangalore last week and someone I know indirectly died in that fire.. young, quite ahead in the rat race, earning well, survived by a family of wife, kids.. just in one moment passed away.. I don’t feel sad but what I feel is scared.. life is so unpredictable, it could just end anytime.. while I am typing the fan over my head could just fall and will be dead or become a cripple.. death or unfortunate happenings are equally a reality as much as happy ending which we always see in movies and feel good about... or the happy endings about everything which we keep dreaming about.. the opposite is so true.. in one moment it can just be on another end.. it makes me wonder am I living my life the way it should be.. do I have enough time or am i using the enough time which I have  (the happy peaceful moments) well enough to prepare myself to the higher ideals before I get sucked up to another end, with life playing its games.. i am not being a pessimist here, u never know I may be just lucky to be on the peaceful side of life for most my living life.. though it comes unannounced so I am not sure...

am I right in waiting and toiling hard doing the right actions?.. waiting for a better future with home loans, slogging hard for a retired life for myself and my dear ones... can I just not do with less, take risk and get admitted in the government hospitals if sick, stand in a long queue for buying it at a lesser price and just use my time, getting retired right now itself... what if I die tomorrow, have I lived well till date...

can I thank myself to an extent that I do make sure to spend some time in activities which I consider to be of a higher ideal.. but that little time, is that enough? or should I increase time spent.. am I getting greedy with making best use of this good time and life just as is...

I am aware all I wrote has no meaning in true philosophical context where they say, just be in present irrespective of consequence as you cannot control it, what u control is ur own action.. but I still wonder...

death is a reality and one cannot run away from it.... it raises many questions.. some random ones I posted above I am sure there are more and there are many answers.. not one answer to all.. that’s what makes life interesting.. it can never be boring if you are really involved in living... i dont need to get high on alcohol or drugs to make it interesting, life itself makes it interesting !!

love..a perfect partner

I know two woman who are waiting dreamily for their prince charming ... knight in shining armour... life is kind of stuck, all other events are not so fulfilling... and this blog origniates from there....

There was a time when I also waited for my dream woman.. long time back while i was studying and all those romantic movies created that desire of that perfect partner who you could live life with.. a life which could not get any better.. " you complete me"  - such are the dialogues one dream of saying to a potential partner... But i am not a die hard romantic this phase did not last long, even when it was there it used to come not so frequently.. i must also add that there was a physical longing as well and romance dreams were less emotional but more physical... boys are like this, can blame the harmones and how we are...

anyways that was then, life has changed and now i wonder what is romance and love... no i have not regressed i would say i have moved ahead..  love and perfect partner i see now practically and not emotionally.. confusing statement...

let me get to point, I think love or a partner is quite a waste the way i saw it earlier... imagine why will i need to be "complete" or me being "really happy" dependent on someone else... i think, believe to a level of arrogance i have everything in me which can make me happy ... yes you may have needs but that does not mean that without fulfilling those i will not be happy ... i fail to give so much power to someone else... it is like giving a remote control of your life, happiness to someone else.. i would like to be happy myself, i dont want any crutch.. god or nature has given me enough to be happy

a decision to live life with a partner to me is very practical, before anyone thinks that i am like a stone no emotions... let me clarify i am pretty sensitive and emotional... but still finding love/ partner is practical...

i dont want love, partner to be happy, it needs to be a symbiotic relationship where what we can together can move ahead, not to complete each other but it is perhaps companionship or may be sharing of load... it is part of being in being lazy and fighting it out alone... 2 makes it easier to carry the same load... you will have more time to be lazy and do more... the relationship has to be equal with what i offer vs what she offers... we have to walk the same roadds... she is not going to make me happy by being just intelligent, beautiful, bold, and all other adjectives...  she has to share the load, walk similar paths.. it is not about caring and being just being loving.. it is about sharing of load of life.. i have seen this with myself till i do not get the desired object, that becomes the center focus of me being happy, once i get it, i take it for granted as if i always deserved it and the focus moves ahead.. so is with that perfect woman.. unless it is practical and symbiotic it will not work for me.. it will just be a desire which when fulfilled unless symbiotic may lose its meaning...

so for me it is a mind decision... emotions i believe will follow suit, they cannot lead me.. as you never call emotions to be intelligent, mind is referred to it.. so let intelligence/ mind lead me to my future decision and not emotions...

having said all about love ironically i am pretty happy being alone and dont have any strong need to involve myself.. there are needs but they have taken a backseat, there are more roads to conquer than this right now..

There are men too gentle to live among wolves

read the below in a blog... http://chandni.wordpress.com/


 wonderfully written
 

“I am one of the searchers. There are, I believe, millions of us. We are not unhappy, but neither are we really content. We continue to explore life, hoping to uncover its ultimate secret. We continue to explore ourselves, hoping to understand. We like to walk along the beach, we are drawn by the ocean, taken by its power, its unceasing motion, its mystery and unspeakable beauty. We like forests and mountains,, deserts and hidden rivers, and the lonely cities as well. Our sadness is as much a part of our lives as is our laughter. To share our sadness with one we love is perhaps as great a joy as we can know – unless it be to share our laughter.

We searchers are ambitious only for life itself, for everything beautiful it can provide. Most of all we love and want to be loved. We want to live in a relationship that will not impede our wandering, nor prevent our search, nor lock us in prison walls; that will take us for what little we have to give. We do not want to prove ourselves to another or compete for love.

For wanderers, dreamers, and lovers, for lonely men and women who dare to ask of life everything good and beautiful. It is for those who are too gentle to live among wolves.”

- James Kavanaugh, There are men too gentle to live among wolves 
 

to be or not to be

i am so logical most of the time... always rationalizing and building why's into all events of life...

but then i dont understand, i move by some silly melodramatic movies with love, romance, and relationships... i enjoy it and feel like transcending my life, the boundaries which i am living in.. transcending to make that diffrerence in someone else's life... and being loved for it...

It is funny as once the moment is over i am again calculating the siginificance of the thoughts and trying to know the whys... the emotional flow feels good but at the same time i feel scared as i think i may get attached, i cannot live upto others expectation, i cant give so much i am very selfish... or i may not like it and it may just be an illusion... myriad conflicting thoughts

life is so simple (i know logically) yet so complicated !!!

Understanding Life -2

In the last blog i mentioned life is about happiness, happiness a state of mind...

This state of mind is what is we should aim for but is extremely difficult to achieve.. the culprit according to me is the mind itself... this one is difficult to write about... anyways

mind gets addicted to ideas, thoughts, wants and therefore os the culprit.. let me try and explain..

you are happy, life is good, you have a good job, you are doing well... however you are single.. you meet a woman.. beautiful woman...  this is the first time u met her till now life was good content and happy... in a happy state of being... but you see this woman.. the mind says wow and wants her... you go home thinking about her.. u desire her even more... it so happens you bump into her and speak to her, she responds in a friendly manner... you now want her more.. the mind thinks about her make stories as how she will be with you, how life will be with her... creates an image a future though u are in present... and has a story which it starts believing in... mind works round the clock and develops a beautiful story... very much like the romantic movie he had seen with beautiful ending.. and they lived happily ever after... the story mind makes and this story mind sells it to itself so well that it starts believing life is shit without her....

so step back before he saw her, desired her a few days back he was happy... now he is unhappy.. very unhappy as he wants her, he is sold to a fiction story.. it is a fiction you have not lived the future you dont know how it will be with her.. but you dream and believe it to be so... but it is a dream and you feel unhappy till you get her... she may be married, engaged, may not like you who knows... but you are addicted to your story.... and till u get her or till you are rejected by her for whatever reason you will feel miserable.. if rejected well you will feel even more miserable...

what if you had not seen her.. you would have been happy with the way life was...

now the above is just a one want, but the mind is crazy.. each moment it creates more future wants... it wants to have a great party tomorrow, want to look good, be complimented, want a promotion, want money, want leisure, want lazy afternoon, want to win debates, want to watch a good movie, want to be fit, want to eat junk, want to have great physique, want to be most intelligent... the list is endless.. all is future, all is fiction with a happy ending story....

often these wants conflict and you never get all making you feel unhappy....

So life is about happiness, happiness a state of mind, mind sells future fiction story to be happy and since it is future, present is unhappy, worse the mind keeps creating future after future.. till death and never remains happy....

this state of mind should be the future mind must aim for and you can be then happier.. but how... maybe you have to stop the fiction and learn to enjoy with your mind the real, the present...

understanding life

I often say that life is complicated and difficult to understand... partly it is true... a very small part indeed is true... i have started to believe, the key to understanding life lies in understanding the mind...

life is multi dimensional and when i say above the dimension i am talking about is happiness... i think the purpose of life more than anything else is finding happiness, peace... and that is a dimension which can be best understood by one's mind... so life is only complicated to the extent you understand your mind... just one little mind :)...

let me explore happiness first...happiness is just a state of mind... it is not linked to acquiring assets or conquering some dreamland... though this can be debated..

but come to think of it, some booze and you are high, you feel happy.. you may have still not acquired the mercedez which you wanted to or the girl you want to impress is still unimpressed or ur desire of love may still remain unfulfilled but alcohol or a drug induces into a state of mind that you feel happy.. even when you are sitting on a pile of those unfinished, insatiated wants and needs...

booze is an artificial state of mind but it can be even without it.. happiness is not a prerogative of the rich or who have it all, one can be happy even otherwise...

It is a state of mind can be deduced in another manner, imagine a person who has only one desire to come first in some exam... even a 2nd place can led him to feel frustrated... he gives the exam but he does not come first... however someone tells him that he has... in that belief he feels very happy... he is not acquired it but mind believes he has come first.. mind first created a want and now just the belief he is first, he feels happy... just a state of mind.. only if he had wantd to come last he would have always been happy even without trying :)... it is not the rank first is an object which will go into your physical being and titillate you to happiness. it is just a feeling of a mind created through the want and desire...  it is a state which the person decided to be in only if he comes first... funny.. but whatever it is a state of mind, a feeling

you feel incomplete in some manner and you feel unhappy... start believing u r complete as whatever u are and you will be happy.. it is a state of mind....

a poor feels happy  when someone gives him some respect, he is not less happy than a person who buys a dimond set.. it is a state of mind which anyone can jump into.. and it does not need to be target oriented.. it could be just without target or without a want...

as a kid you are more happy as u just are in the state of mind you do not set yourself goals/ desires/ wants to be happy... u just feel happy...  without the girl, money, lazy time, favourite food, holiday... everyday is happy...

it is a state of mind but is a difficult state to achieve... and who can one blame... the mind itself, well will talk about it again in next blog...

Learning to see

i never thought that i will have to learn to see again... i will have to unlearn my patterns and train myself to see again... what i mean is that mind is always so busy and talkative that we see objects yet are not seeing... i know what i am syaing is confusing...

when driving my eyes are on road, when walking my mind is lost in thought and i just walk i see all the roadblocks i need to avoid and nothing else..

while talking to someone i am seeing the other person but my mind is reacting  - agreeing or disagreeing or collating my own response... my mind is processing not what i am seeing but what i will be reacting to person i am talking to.. i miss the body language

i am always preoccupied by thoughts and my mind is processing something else, the something else could be gratifying but i have lost the art of seeing...

i remember i had this realization sometime back... it was i think around the time i saw some photography by some great photographer who captures beautiful momens out of ordniary life.. he said u need to surrender to the moment and u will see what others fail to see.. thats the skill of photographer it does not lie in techinchal skill of clicking photographs...  it stayed with me and then while i was walking i just stopped.. stopped thought process of what i will do next or daydreaming.. just stopped or slowed the pace of life by calming my mind.. and then i saw the ordinary life, a building, a tree and some kids playing... it was different it was always there... i do stop someimes to just see and it always surprises me... there is interesting beautiful visuals everywhere.. one does not have to go to a scenic place always...

another question which i have but himalayas are still more beautiful, the answer is yes people see its beauty as it is so that forces you to see it... but if you see again by just slowing the life, calming your mind it can be even more beautiful...

now when i talk to people i look in their face at times, just stop listening, stop processing what is being said, slow down, calm my mind and see them.. they look different, i can see their face, the contours, the beauty, the ugly and everything... they look so different... they look lively

It is an interesting exercise, try it if u have also stopped seeing... you will see very differently and often it is quite amazing...

Religion & God

An interesting debate forwarded by a good friend :) and i thought instead of getting into a debate i would put my views on religion and god and etc...

i have simple thoughts around this:

RELIGION

To me religion is nothing but a code of conduct/ code of discipline which some geinius wise people have made so as to help people live righteously. See most of us are running for fulfilling our responsibilities, trying to become perfect in our hobbies, interests. So religion takes care of a basic subject of what we need to do nor not do by some genius wise man. There have been several such genius wise men and therfore there are so many religions. for e.g. in scientific discovery like mobile phones do we all need to learn to make/ manufacture mobile phones? No some genius scientist discoverd it and is sold to us as a product and we just use it. Now you have a Nokia, Motorola, Samsung, and so many other brands.. all have same underlying principles but are at the same time different.. Can all of us develop capability to develop mobile phones? no you have to be genious and a scientist its not every ones cup of tea.

simialrly some genius social/ life scientists or genius wise men created religion. it is a product to be used for better living. Choose whichever, criticize any each has its good aspects and flaws afterall no mobile is perfect some other scientist make it better so is the same with religion. But all religions underlying principles is to how to live a good peaceful happy life, how to become a better human being. There is nothing more which suits you follow and if think you are bigger and smarter than a christ or a buddha please create your own... but are you, just get that right else you may get caught in what the wise called maya....

Religion gets corrupted and some time the caretakers of religion for their good and greed of power misuse the trust bestowed on religion. But one cannot judge religion by the caretakers.. people who think religion has no meaning i would suggest they read the core text of such a religion though it will need some intelligence to understand it. Can religion lead to salvation... my answer is no it will lead you to a point but the journey is long and after the point you have to walk with a faculty and capabilities developed in the course of life.

Is religion made to control people? No the caretakers are misusing the powers, it does talk of controlling your mind, negative emotions but what is the harm in it? the rules of religion or the controlling nature has come from the caretakers and not the core text...

do you have to follow it to be better? Do you need to use a mobile to talk always? No so not necessary there are other ways too... to each his own

God

this one is difficult.. to say someone physically sits up above is difficult to believe. But there is a lot more than as we understand life and there is a larger system which lies beyond all of our understanding. Call it supernatural, heaven-hell, god, super power, nature, whatever. Yes i do believe in that. Why? Well come to think of it it is just amazing to have such perfect human beings, we are such perfect machines!! the functioining , male female, birth, growing up, senses, love, sex, death, mind, thoughts, eating, i can just go on .. No scientist has ever reached near this and will ever do.. no robot no car can eat food and walk/ run the roads... it can never feel... it obviously make you think there is some more to life than what we understand.. for simplicity we call it god... Different wise men in different religion have expressed it diffferently buddha says god is in you, attain it through the understading the 4 noble truths and the 8 fold path... Jesus said compassion and love can lead you to that understding... etc, i am not sure which is correct as it is not easy for me to understand or experience i experiment and so do urge others and to discover...

I have tried some occult/ spitirual practices and it amazes me the reults it shows.. nothing short of miracle and it cannot be understood by scientists... so i believe there is something larger than life as we humans understand.. call it god or whatever... it is a higher ideal to live and achieve.. how an established religion? or my own or some other way... that is a choice i have given i am not a genius wise i choose religion (buddhisim is for me..).. it will take me to a point from where i have to anyway make my own religion but till then let me not rediscover a wheel but follow the one which suits me as an individual....

life is crazy

a thought which crosses my mind several times.... life is like a movie, imagine at at this very moment someone is getting up and some other sleeping.. at this very time someone just gave birth to a child and someone breathed his last, someone got married and someone got divorced... someone just fell in love and someone heart broke... someone is crying over faliure and someone partying success... somone reading blogs someone writing a blog... someone killing himself someone making grandeur plans of future... someone having his first smoke, someone quitting it... someone getting selected, someone is rejected... someone is eating someone is shitting... someone is feeling arrogant and someone else is dperessed...

think about it anything and everythng is happening insome corner of the world this very moment... a movie being made.. all are living or it is a movie.. different stories with similar ending of death and similar chain of experiences and yet we are differnt or are we different? ... it is just amazing to even think about it....

it is crazy

assessing human behaviour

An important aspect in life to be successful be it work, relationships, is ability to assess people ... By assessment i mean understanding their nature/ abilities/ attitudes/ etc. Once you have assessed you make choices to work with such people for a more fulfilling life (work or personal)...

We are always making these assessments, you meet new people and you decide if he is your type or not and if you will like to meet the person again. Some people go by their logic and some others go by the feel/ instinct/ or vibes.. The vibes method may work well but it is not an easy one as the vibes can only let you know whether one is good natured or not but will not help one to predict the real person, that has to be a combination of 2... I am here to talk about the 2nd method which is through logic...

I have come to realize it is not an easy task... logic can only be applied to what one has been able to observe. so for this to work there are 2 aspects - one that you should be truly observing.. that is possible only if you are truly listening to the other person... no biases no judgements but just surrender to listen what the other person is saying... most of the time our mind just jumps to make judgements or is desparate to like or dislike based on what one likes or dislikes and hence clouding the listening capability

For example a person says i like spiritulaity.. lo and behold the mind says even i do, i am passionate about it... this guy has to be good. or he says he likes money... mind says he is pretty materialistic.. may not have integrity...  such biases and generalizations run all over the mind all the time... it is something i have experienced while observing my own mind.. each thought which takes birth is evaluated in this fashion immediately by another part of the mind... if its a good thought it creates desire for it or else some kind of hatred.... postive generalization to some negative generalizations.. and if it is a material or sensual thing it will create desire for it....

the first step therefore is to uncloud the mind, train it to not jump to such hasty conclusions, generalizations, likes or dislikes as each person has his her own reason to do what he/ she does.. there are many variables which wire the whole picture and one must be able to respect that..

Most of the people i know, the HR ones who interview all fall in liking or disliking a person based on what their likes or dislikes are... it is often unconscious... having said this.. this may also not be bad as your likes or dislikes do shape you and some aspects can predict a human behaviour...

But there is a further underlying aspect which we are able to establish can give us a good insight into another human being or even ourselves... the pattern of thought process... by pattern i mean that your mond follows a certain automatic response each time it is thrown to experience life... A meditative man will always mediatate on his/ her or experience.. thats the pattern... a materialistic woman will always look for how she could make most out of the experience in material terms... thats the pattern.... these are macro level patterns if i go deeper and micro.. there are emotional patterns when one is faced with faliure.. how one reacts is a pattern... some of us will have work harder, some will give up... some will get stressed and just freeze, some will get cynical.. etc etc... these are the patterns which make an individual.. micro is on the emotional plane and tells us how one deals with experiences and life.. if it is constructive or destructive...

the macro tells us with these constructive or destrutive deals what is one trying to build for oneself... wiser, richer, famous.. etc.. these are the bigger goals one wants to lead his life to...

these patterns are key to understand human behavior... the ability to see this can only be possible if he are able to listen.. once we are able to listen after removing all biases... one must look for both the macro and micro pattern... macro will let us know the value system or the larger goal of the person and the micro will let you know the path. emotional intelligence one has.. it is actually a very important aspect to know if he/ she will be successful in reaching or living the value system he has.

 

Of course some one will think why bother about the micro pattern... as long as macro is good the micro can be changed.. i used to believe that but now i know it cannot be changed easily especially for adults as once developed it becomes our crutch without which we cannot do anything.. difficult to give up or break.. even if it can be changed it can be by person own willingness.. he should be uncomfortable and should have a value system of personal growth.. growth in terms of wisdom and only then there is hope and no guarantees... Often one gorws comofortable in his her own pattern as you invest in wiring your brain, making social networks which nurture your patterns.. you grow comfortable and hence rarely can come out of it... what i mean imagine a person who has a pattern to bully, has fun by tormenting others... he has a frien circle which praise him for this, he reads books, interprets in manner which support his theory... he is convinced he has no reason to break such a pattern... breaking such  a pattern in adult life will mean that leaving all he has known, his friends admirers, his logics, theories.. and starting afrsh like a child alone... it is very difficult...

I no longer fool myself that i can change people, their pattern.. i choose people therefore who have a right pattern... but yes if someone is really willing and has the courage to drop incorrect patterns and learn... i will be more than willing to give support as much as possible....

relationship... my theories

I am in a mood to write... my fingers are itching so another one today

This one is my take on relationships, particulary emotional relationships, long term, in which people connect.. i have noticed 2 primary types of healthy relationships... one which almost all of us have and desire.. i would call it "mutual admiration".. well i mean that these are relationships which are created by us to feel good about ourselves, to fulfil our social need of being accepted by others, being praised, respected by others. where our individual self as is with whatever it is loved... the relationship underlying principle and the communication always between 2 individuals with healthy relationship is: "You are so beautiful and lovely" ... "Thank you, you know what, so are you"... so lets party together.. this beautiful and lovely comment could be on one aspect/ quality of individual and if there are numerous qualities/ aspects to mutually admire it gets the tag of intimate or close relationship... like of lovers or great friends, or couples....

You can never a relationship with someone who tells you how stupid you are...

This one if true and not marred by fake admiration are very fulfilling for an individual. fake admiration is what one need to watch out for... it can be fake by design or fake because mind is blurred... both are equally dangerous but the former is easy to identify...

latter is dangerous and thats why people say love is blind... our mind has biases and looks for generalizations... by generalizations i mean if you see one particular aspect in a person you tend to conclude or map the complete personality of a person.. like someone is passionate about classical music and you will chart this person how he/ she will be based on someone you know or have read about who is passionate about classical music... mind loves generalization it makes life very simple for it... it does not require to work... so one generalization lead to blinding us against what truth is... love and relationships can be blind. when the veil is unveiled and the blurred image is wiped off, it can be devastating...

Let me come back... "mutual admiration" is important for each one if us when we are growing from children to adults... as a child or when we are young.. meaning of life is derived primarily from what others think and therefore "mutual admiration" relationships are important.. it cannot be one sided admiration as it will not last or you will not value the admiration if it is one sided, you will take it for granted. it will be like getting an admiration from a 1 year old on your capability to run on your 2 feet... he may admire but you know he does not know that it is common at your age. it has to be mutual...

The other healthy relationship is nothing but a more evolved form of above, it is the 2nd stage, let me call it "mutual nurturing"..  this one is where you have become confident of yourself, of your being and you no longer need just admiration to establish your identity.. you understand that life comes with its bouquets and brickbats and you get comfortable with your self in whatever state you are... you no longer need admiration but need true companions who can support you and push you to grow as individuals.. help you nurture yourself to become a better being and realize the hidden capabilities we have as human beings... its not about the external world and the achievements but it is an internal journey...

most of us just get stuck in mutual admiration only.... to all the people who are looking for a long term fulfilling relationships, look for mutual admiration and potential in relationship to grow into mutual nurturing.. that will be a test for committing to a long term relationship... and beware of mind getting blurred with generalizations...

Random update of my life.. my mind

whenever i sit to write i feel like writing a master piece. I started with the premise of writing blog to clear my mind, delve deeper on various topics which keep running as random thoughts.. i realize each time i sit that need to get over with the feeling to prove myself... it is my thoughts i need to let it flow.. amen :)

last week was an extremely busy one, work seems to be getting busier and busier.... these are the times i think if i really want to chase some big corporate dream. I know i am amongst the good ones but something inside tells me life can be a lot more fun than this.. but somehow it eludes me.. i like my work and i like to be busy and feel important but at the same time there is this prallel thought.. am i missing something.. i never feel content when it comes to life, want to live more... i hope in the philosophical realm this urge, need is a higher order need.. i hope so as i dont want to be another human being driven by materialistic urges alone.. i pride myself in being more evolved :)

this mind and the image as we create for ourselves is such a maze.. i am articulating the above and i am getting more caught in it.. How? well it is a self realization and with this self realization there is a thought which is born, how smart err evolved i am i have self realization :)

this is getting quite random literally... but i am amazed and have come to realize that this mind is the most powerful animal.. i create an image about myself and chase, i believe in some random qualities and feel good... i do not believe that i have some random qualities and i feel miserable... this mind is the key to life..

tame it, discipline it and happiness is yours.. let it lose and you will be walking on a tight rope balancing yourself always so that you do not fall....

So, what did you do on new years eve?

So, where did you party?

Well my answer to all this is nowhere i slept through and well what a sleep :).... for me this is the best way i can celebrate. No i am not anti-social i just get surprised by the madness of the concept it seems insane, every day the clock strikes 12, every day the date changes so whats the big deal. I can understand for some people it is another reason to party, and they are always looking for one reason to another, it does not matter to them if it is a new year they will any way find occcasions to party hard all the year. That class deserves to party but i do not fathom the others who are otherwise simple, traditionalists who become wannabe on the new year eve and want to party and discuss next day what i did on the new year...

C'mon either be there or here just dont wander confused.. life is too short to create stupid talking points, figure out what you want to do and not just on a new year on an each day each second basis.. i am not against partying but this foolishness all of us go about trying to live life in a manner that pleases insiginificant others in life... just because the herd is dancing if i do not i may be left out... the actions which emerge out of not choice or liking but out of compulsion to prove yourself... out of fear that by being your self you may displease others... get comfortable with your own skin and do as you feel like and not just on a new year, it has to be a way of life. shit when you have to and not when everyone does, your body may just have a different rhythum....

i dont party as i dont want to party on a date which is artificial, i party in my own way when i have a reason to celebrate.. i party the way i wish to, it could be just shutting my laptop and the flood of mails and just chatting up with an friend about life, or these days writing this blog :)

my party is over for now, pretty late in the night just was feeling the itch to write.. but i shall party again and will be back :) i am addicted to my parties in my own way...