Wisdom Tweet #2

“The first steps to the journey are the most difficult ones!”


So true, I just find difficult to break or even digress from my current journey and take new baby steps. The comfort of current, fear, the giving up of all effort, starting afresh is all so difficult.

Senses vs Buddha

I want to explore limits of sensual pleasures and this blog is dedicated to my thoughts, theories around it. Am I obsessed by it, yes in a certain way I am obsessed. I am obsessed as I want to control senses but god damn it is too powerful that I am obsessed.


My obsession is not like the obsession of reckless indulgent I have a good control but yet I am not where near in giving up. I am not ready.

I question and debate if this even is a desired state. One part of my mind says yes. That mind is traditional, religious, seeker. It thinks there is life beyond you and me, us and them there is life after death, there are miracles and there are ideals of human perfection which are to be attained. This is the only purpose of being human being. This part of me is amazed by the human being, the machine we are, the feelings, the cycle of birth death and in between the existence, it gets overwhelmed by the beautiful life created around us.

The other part of my mind says well just enjoy the pleasure, just dip in the ecstasy and forget the Buddha, it was good for him and maybe he did had too much guilt of what is right and wrong. After all one day we will die, even he did. As long as I am living just savor the sweet taste and those sensations which leave you feeling happy, serene and out of the world.

I don’t know which part of my mind is correct but I am in a state of limbo till I resolve it and I know I have no answer or even a hope that I will have one quickly. It is a simple battle of a beautiful pleasure versus being free from such attachment and moving ahead. In the race towards death it is a battle to decide what is better way to live.

I know I think too much I could just dip myself in the emotion and live what feels right then trying to figure out what is right. As truly speaking what is right or wrong is definitely questionable and who cares as you die at end of the day.

My obsession is a product of this debate, if I leave the debate and be as gay as the believers of “right and wrong as taught” life will be simple.

I just have to give up the debate and give in to what life has in store for me. The problem is my self-discipline and control does not allow me giving in, I have a high degree of righteousness and I want to do what I think is right, I just cannot pardon myself with giving in to something I am not ok with. I cannot just flow with my base desires as I consider them and correctly I firmly believe as very low in the order of merit, in fact so low that the order is not of merit but of demerit.

Maybe it troubles me as I am more demanding of life and I want a synthesis of the right and wrong of senses and of Buddha. I want to have my cake and eat it too! Do I have any doubt that Buddha exists and there is more meaning to life? No, my reply is an emphatic “no”. I want to aspire this but I don’t want to give my sensual pleasures. It is similar to the lazy fat bum who wishes to lose weight but does not want to exercise, or give up his sweet tooth. I need to come to a state that I need one of more and I need to be out of the debate of “to be or not to be”, I need to desire one of the states more, I need passion and only then can I give up this duality. More than passion I also need a strong belief and a state of piety to one state so that I don’t waiver when the opposite side attracts me with its offer.

My self-discipline has got me this far to a fair degree of control, balance and effort but to take it forward I need the passion and a strong pious belief. There is no perfection but I have slid into a comfort zone of the status quo, now is the time to take the risk and give up something to take myself forward. The passion, belief is missing and intellect is failed big time in guiding me. Intellect has its limitations and objective logic of both sides is equally attractive, both have its pros, cons, unanswered questions, promises of a good life at end of destination. I need a bias towards one. Bias created of anything passion, belief, piety, righteousness, god, anything. God is also created for mankind to have a bias towards control and not let your mind, emotions, senses run amok. Alas! I am an atheist and no god has been created for the 21st century life. All are outdated.

The passion and belief can only help me take it to next level, allow me to risk one life for another and fear of failure or disappointment at the end of road will disappear. I have to now move to a state of passionate believer. The doubts and debate will die in the fire of such passion. The duality will end in bias.

Mind Conversations

The mind always has opposites. In my meditations I have come to realize no thought come without an opposing thought. Mind is in a constant dialogue berating or encouraging you. Mind always looks for someone comforting you, it either comforts itself from its own thought or if it is empty of experience it will look for others to tell. Some examples:


– Yin: I am bored of meditating
– Yang: Shut up, this is the best thing. Self discipline

– Yin: I want to play
– Yang: When will you work

– Yin: I want to become a doc
– Yang: are you good enough for a doc, engineering suits you better

– Yin: I think I like her
– Yang: Yes but are you sure, she does not like you

– Yin: I want to excel
– Yang: Yes only if you slog and not dream

Never is mind tired of it. All emotions and actions finally depend on the part of mind which wins. Most of the times there is no logic attached but it is a certain emotional attachment to a state which decides who wins. This opposing thought to the initial thought of desire and longing is what controls us and decides our fate.

A person who is not confident will always have opposing thought which will mean you are not good enough and he/ she will fall to it.
An arrogant person will always have the reactionary thought as all this is too low for him her
The opposing is also like a conscience.

Stages

Stages:
(Herman Hesse - Glass Bead Game)

As every flower fades and as all youth
Departs, so life at every stage,
So every virtue, so our grasp of truth,
Blooms in its day and may not last forever.
Since life may summon us at every age
Be ready, heart, for parting, new endeavor,
Be ready bravely and without remorse
To find new light that old ties cannot give.
In all beginnings dwells a magic force
For guarding us and helping us to live.

Serenely let us move to distant places
And let no sentiments of home detain us.
The cosmic spirit seeks not to restrain us
But lifts us stage by stage to wider spaces.
If we accept a home of our own making,
Familiar habit makes for indolence.
We must prepare for parting and leave taking
Or else remain the slaves of permanence

Even the hour of death may send
Us speeding on to fresh and newer spaces,
And life may summon us to newer races
So be it, heart: bid farewell without end.

Blabbering with Self

There are times when I feel a longing for object which lies outside the realm of truth, ideals which I want to imbibe. The longing is such that I wonder if the ideals I am chasing are right, the mind backs up with solid logic, shaking my foundation, shaking my belief system. I need to be more pious.


Because I do not have adequate knowledge or wisdom to know what is actually right I feel miserable. When will I have all the answers?

Wisdom Tweet #1

The challenge is to accept oneself. We struggle and find the others better and feel inadequate, incomplete. We want more than what we are and feel miserable. Accept what you have and from there take steps towards what you want, that is your journey. Learn to enjoy the journey as destination is far and many more destinations await you. By the time you reach the destination you may have lost valuable time in tension and strife. Just enjoy the journey and love yourself, accept yourself. This is the greatest gift of happy life we could learn


The secret lies in being able to forgive yourself of exacting standard by which you measure yourself and keeping the naughty doubting mind under control.

Death

Death comes without asking and can come at any moment, least unexpected moments. It moves me when I think of such an eventuality. It moves me into a certain fear, sadness, loss with the thought of unfinished journeys, unfinished tasks, unfulfilled desires, unrequited love.


It makes me realize the burden of responsibility and principled living. It makes me realize that I cannot break free these rules and the unfinished journeys have to wait. I just hope I am just lucky to not meet death till I can give in sufficient frequency some modicum of my time to finish those journeys. Frequency and quantity of time though is always difficult to manage.

Before death strikes, Amen!

Life After Death !

Life after death is such a comforting thought. To know that the time gone by can be lived again, and I need not do the same mistakes again is such a lovely feeling. You look forward to life with hope and positivity.


Even every day gives us the same chance, it is death of yesterday and it gives us a chance to start afresh, every moment. Past is past and present gives innumerable opportunities to make amends and do good for oneself.

The only hurdle is the mind which irrationally, crazily clings on the past and feels fear, miserable, insecure.

I just hope instead of god we could believe irrationally of life after death, after all there is no proof and the belief will help keep the hope afloat and make them keep their actions in check. Concept of God in today’s world has been rationally destroyed and we need a new belief to keep all the people sane, serene, disciplined and happy

Answers anyone?

To have unanswered questions and many unanswered questions makes life interesting, if I knew all wonder how boring life could have been.

Questions keep me busy; I have good debates and discussions with friends trying to figure out what the answer is. At times hit the bull’s eye and feel good about being able to have found the answer but life being ever entertaining life again puts a series of follow up questions.

The above is a reflection of calmer mood.

There are times these questions irritate me, bother me and I wonder why god does not give me the answers or I want to depend on someone who has all the answers, am looking for someone who even if does not know may say “yah what you thinking is the right answer”.

Mind, its state and the reasoning it offers, all is baffling!