10 Steps to Greatness ..Forever.. Guaranteed..

I read an article in the Harvard Business Review on how I can become more effective at work.. then I read another article in Psychology today as how I can become smarter with life and be more happy. Then Stanford leadership had an article on becoming an effective leader, oh then how can I forget there were some beautiful quotes on Pinterest I cant take my mind off those, such wonderful wisdom to live life.. and well wonderful TED talks by Boyd Varty on Ubuntu and Stephen Cave on Death... and there are so many pending wisdom on my Gmail Account, Twitter, etc

Am I not really smart and great! The truth is all is bullshit as I have stuffed myself with a lot of thoughts of right philosophies to get everything in life yet everything is elusive.. This is just information and noble thoughts and more noble thoughts but the issue is of practicing the nobility.. 

All this has done till now is made me feel small.. showed me a big vacuum.. there is so much to do.... unfortunately I enjoy the theories and I keep reading... I enjoy because I can show off these theories on my Tweets and with others by talking about it with everyone I meet.. wonderful jargons.. It does feel great!

Enough of theories of greatness... This is the circle which now I wish to break and my resolution to self is to live a few top ones, challenge to experience it.. Ubuntu as taught by Boyd Varty, Focus as taught by Daniel Goleman... Fearlessness as taught by Vipassana will be the guiding factor.. That's my resolution.. It is formidable but life cannot be lived in the theories stored and catalouged in the mind... Life has to be lived.....

Undertstanding Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is celebrated in the United States following the traditions of the first Pilgrims and Puritans at Plymouth (Massachusetts) who, legend has it, were thankful for a good harvest in 1621.

Historically, Thanksgiving has its roots in harvest festivals and days of religious worship, and Canadians celebrate a separate Thanksgiving also drawing upon these origins a little earlier in the year.

Today Thanksgiving has become a traditional time to get together with family or friends. The date is now regarded as a secular holiday to celebrate family.

Source - Telegraph UK

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=faUYJ9fMiGg

WIKIHOW:

Celebrated annually in the United States on the fourth Thursday in November, the holiday of Thanksgiving was first observed in 1621 and continues to be an American tradition today. Thanksgiving means many things to different people but for most, the holiday of Thanksgiving is synonymous with festive meals, parades, football, family and friends, and, of course, turkey. For many, it's also about spending time together, catching up and enjoying one another's company. The Thanksgiving holiday is a reminder to give thanks for the good things, people and providential events in our lives. How to celebrate Thanksgiving :

the Traditional Meal. The traditional meal of roasted turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, several types of vegetables such as sweet potatoes and squash,cranberry sauce, different pies, and a bread is fairly standard for most families and groups of celebrators. 

Making the table festive. The table decorations are done on Thanksgiving if one has a separate dining table available. Get the kids to help set the table as part of their contribution to the preparations.

Some traditional Thanksgiving holiday pursuits. These things are done before, during, or after the Thanksgiving meal. There are a few traditions associated with the Thanksgiving holiday that are enjoyed in many families, and here are a few things :

• Gather around the TV and watch football. Spending hours watching football on Thanksgiving is a holiday favorite for many fans, and it's a great way to pass time before the meal. Alternatively, organize a backyard football game with family, friends, and neighbors for fun and a little exercise to make way for the meal.

• Watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on TV with the kids. Broadcast on television from New York City, the parade is extremely popular and viewed by millions at home. Take a break and attend a local Thanksgiving parade if time permits, or watch it on television.

Spend a little time reflecting on the meaning of Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is a chance for many families to spend time together after being apart for much of the year; it is a good time to reflect on the love that you have for one another, as well as sharing your thoughts about what you feel grateful for. Think of your family's own ways to express your gratitude on this day and in the year to follow, or be guided by some of the following suggestions:

• Play the A to Z family gratitude game. Have everyone sit together so that they can hear and see one another. Going around the group of family and friends, have each person say what they're grateful for, according the whichever letter of the alphabet the player is up to. For example, player one says "I am grateful for Aunty Lorna", player two says "I am grateful for my brothers", and player three says "I am grateful for caring moms", etc. Keep going around the group until you've exhausted the alphabet. 

• You can also create a new Thanksgiving tradition.

Consider helping the less fortunate for Thanksgiving. Volunteer time before or during Thanksgiving to help prepare meals at a homeless shelter, donate extra cans and packaged goods to a soup kitchen, start a food or clothing drive, make a donation. This can be an essential part of teaching your children about gratitude in action.
Find activities to do after the meal. Everyone's likely to feel a little drowsy and well fed after the meal. It's a great opportunity to settle down to some relaxing activities:

• Walk as a family. Don't forget to take your dog for his usual walk too, especially if he's been getting snacks he'd normally not have.

• Entertain guests. Play charades, tell stories, share photos around, catch up on news, etc.

• Catch up on your reading. There is always something you've got on hold that you'd like to read; take this opportunity to do so.

• Watch a movie. Check out the TV guide for any suitable movies, or pull out your favorite DVDs.

• Play a board game. If the kids are still hyper, suggest that they make a board game and then play it!

Another link - http://kids.nationalgeographic.co.in/kids/stories/peopleplaces/thanksgiving-traditions/

The Standards of Self and Disappointments

Story #1 - I had to make a presentation to a group on a subject which is close to my heart. I have done it many times earlier and have done well. I did not therefore needed to prepare. On the fateful day we started on time I made the right starts with the practiced opening but in between I faltered, it did not go well. I was disappointed. The self was questioning self, labeling self - Was I arrogant? Should I have not prepared? How could I?

Story #2 - I value giving, fearlessness and pushing myself to do better. I have been practicing Buddhist meditation technique Vipassana for last several years. There came an opportunity to volunteer for Vipassana. With my values it was a no brainer that I need to jump in and do my bit, but in between came my own pleasurable and comforting weekend plan which I had been waiting for. There began a conflict of what i must do, till the time of deadline of volunteering I was in pain, after that disappointed by self. A feeling of letting down self, How could I?  I do think I do my bit on the values, but still the self was questioning self...

Failing to meet own standards of self happens often, there are many moments you live up to it, there are few you fail as well. But the failure sometimes grips the mind so much that it can go on beating you, making you feel sad. The emotion unfortunately has no reason and does not look at win ratios but goes on like a broken record on that one failure and the mind automatically accumulates all such transgressions, adds negative adjectives. Result - restlessness or anxiety or sadness. 

These are the times to take solace in self forgiveness, self compassion - get silent and tell yourself "I forgive myself for being unable to live upto my expectations. It is a journey and next time I will try to do better". This does not stop here it may be worthwhile also to examine the values if they are in conflict with what you really are and believe in and have the next step planned.

Water Water Everywhere but not a Drop to Drink

I have read, understood, made notes of all the wisdom in books but the same damn wisdom I am not able to live!

In one of the Vipassana lectures Goenka ji explains there are 3 types of wisdom and with varying impact on life. In order of hierarchy of impact these are:

1. Shrutpragya or Wisdom acquired through reading or listening wise thoughts 
2. Chintan-Pragya or Wisdom acquired through thinking and analyzing whatever was heard or read
3. Bhavanamayi Pragya or Wisdom acquired through experience

That's where the struggle is reading all the great thinkers in Twitter and using intellect to like a certain level of knowledge that is easy but to imbibe these in life, making this part of experience is what is a real struggle.

With all the knowledge dissemination through internet we have a generation of wisely informed people but with huge gap in practiced wisdom...

What we need to do is pick the thought which you relate to and exhibit courage to experience it, making it a part of life!

Damn the habits, fear & procrastination...

Festivals of India - 1: Diwali

I am very ignorant about all festivals of India, it is very ironic since I have lived in India amongst people for whom these festivals are like religion, they celebrated and follow all rituals possible. This series of blog is an attempt for me to understand the festivals.. I begin today with Diwali which is today!

The following are excerpts from various sites on the web:

The name "Diwali" or "Divali" is a contraction of deepavali which translates into "row of lamps". Diwali involves the lighting of small clay lamps filled with oil to signify the triumph of good over evil. These lamps are kept on during the night and one's house is cleaned, both done in order to make the goddess Lakshmi feel welcome. Firecrackers are burst because it is believed that it drives away evil spirits. During Diwali, all the celebrants wear new clothes and share sweets and snacks with family members and friends.

There are various legends pointing to the origin of Diwali or 'Deepawali.' Some believe it to be the celebration of the marriage of Lakshmi with Lord Vishnu. Whereas in Bengal the festival is dedicated to the worship of Mother Kali, the dark goddess of strength. In Jainism, Deepawali has an added significance to the great event of Lord Mahavira attaining the eternal bliss of nirvana. Diwali also commemorates the return of Lord Rama along with Sita and Lakshman from his fourteen year long exile and vanquishing the demon-king Ravana.

Diwali consists of three to five days of celebrations (the duration depends on where you come from or derive the celebratory traditions from). Each day of Diwali has its own tale, legend and myth to tell. 

• The thirteenth day from Poornima (Full Moon) (Dhanatrayodashi or Dhanteras). This is the first day of Diwali. "Dhan" means "wealth" and teras means thirteenth day. This is the day for celebrating the goddess Lakshmi, the Goddess of Wealth. For some places in India, the lamps are kept burning for Lord Yamaraj, the God of Death.
• The fourteenth day (Chhoti Diwali or Narak chaturdashi). Hindus believe that this is the day that Lord Krishna destroyed the demon Narakasur, freeing the world from fear. Firecrackers are often let off from this day.
• The new moon day (Diwali / Lakshmi puja / Lakshmipujan) of the dark fortnight of Ashvin. This is the actual day of Diwali, and the most significant day. If the house has not already been cleaned, it must be done early this day to welcome the Goddess Lakshmi. Gifts and sweets are exchanged on this day to strengthen bonds of love between family and friends. Firecrackers are let off after dinner.
• The first day of the bright fortnight of Kartik (Balipratipada / Padiwa / Goverdhan puja / Varshapratipada). This is the day that Lord Krishna lifted the Govardhan Parvat to protect the Gokul people from Indra's wrath and King Vikramaditya was crowned.
• The fifth and final day of the Diwali Festival (Bhai Dooj / Bhaiya Dooj). On the final day of Diwali, brothers and sisters renew sibling love, with sisters applying the sacred red tilak on the forehead of their brothers and praying for their long life, while brothers bless their sisters and provide gifts of love.

·         Not everyone includes the thirteenth day, and the separate holy festivals of Vasubaras and Bhaubij precede Diwali, and follow the Diwali Festival respectively.

What is done on Diwali

·        

• Go shopping. It is customary to buy utensils and ornaments on the first day of Diwali
• Clean the house and business premises thoroughly before the first Diwali day, or the Dhanteras.[3] Do the laundry, clean all the rooms and sort out your papers in both your home and business. It's like a spring cleaning of sorts, a "cleansing" ritual to rid yourself of any unnecessary elements in your environment. Draw small footprints using rice flour and vermillion powder over your house; this is a way of indicating that you're awaiting the arrival of the Goddess.
• Make the entrance way to your home or business colourful using the traditional motifs of Rangoli designs. This is a joyful way to welcome the Goddess of Wealth and Prosperity.
• Burn lamps every night during the festival. In the evening, light small oil lamps (called "diyas") and place them around the home. Turn all the lights on and light some candles. The lamps symbolize knowledge or one's inner light, which brings about inner peace and fights off any traces of darkness and ignorance.
• Light some firecrackers and fireworks. These are a common part of Diwali, used to symbolize warding off evil from your surroundings. They are usually set off in greatest numbers on the actual day of Diwali (the third day).
• Wear new clothes and jewels on the second and third days. If you are a woman, try to obtain a sari, the traditional Indian dress for women. If you're a woman, wear an Indian blouse (known as sari) and top. Men normally wear kurthas, the national clothes for Indian men.
• Bake sweets, snacks, and savouries. These are traditional offerings for Diwali and are given as gifts
• Perform a "Lakshmi pooja". This is a ritual performed on Diwali day (the third day) in order to seek divine blessings from the Goddess of Wealth, Lakshmi, who helps those who strive to achieve wealth. It consists of an elaborate ritual using grains, leaves, coins, and idols to prepare a ceremony. During this ritual, you can invoke the Goddess by reciting the Vedic mantras or by thinking of her being showered with gold coins with two elephants standing one each side of her as you chant her name. Offerings are made and at the end, the aarti is performed quietly and a peaceful atmosphere should accompany the entire ritual.
• Play games. Games are a part of the Diwali Festival, including card games, Rummy,  etc. It's not just for kids but for everyone! It's okay to play for money in card games but don't wager too much. The legend behind gambling on Diwali is that Goddess Parvati played dice with her husband Lord Shiva and declared that whoever gambles on Diwali night would prosper throughout the coming year
• Care for your sibling. Brothers and sisters affirm sibling love and look after one another on the final day of Diwali. Cook for your sibling, give your sister presents, and tell your brother you love him and wish him a long life

 More on below links: 

1. Wikipedia Link - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diwali
2. 10 reasons for celebrating Diwali - http://hinduism.about.com/cs/diwali/a/aa102003a.htm
3. More about Diwali - http://www.hindujagruti.org/hinduism/festivals/diwali/celebration.php

Vulnerability

Life is a state of mind I concluded in my last blog.. The state of mind is nothing but an emotion.. And if happiness which is a state of mind the end goal, we need to manage this emotion better.. have the right ways to cultivate this emotion, cultivate the right triggers...

Theory of vulnerability says cultivating a state of worthiness by building capacity to be vulnerable is the best way to get into this state of mind.. it believes that we are wired for social connection, that's what is a powerful trigger for happiness.. social connection can only happen at an intimate level if we allow ourselves to be shown, the inner self is exposed and there is authenticity... 

It is about taking discarding your fear, insecurity and feeling of shame and being courageous... 

But I have one question which I am unable to answer - how much is enough? enough of social connection, vulnerability, etc.. it is still a trigger and a dependability...

Life is a state of mind...

Our state of mind is how we experience life. A moment the mind is in a state of happiness, another moment it is in despair, or ecstasy, or sad.. It is always a state which is very internal is what life experience is. 

Everything else the outside world is just a trigger.. A trigger is self constructed.. someone makes music as a trigger other, dance, someone travel.. you develop these triggers which give you a state of mind, some are conscious like jazz music leading to happiness some are unconscious like darkness leading to fear..

We live through these states of mind, triggers are constructed which put us in different state of mind... much like a programmer programs a software we program us through these triggers, a complicated maze of triggers and complicated variety of outcomes. 

Self help books, positive psychology, counselors, happiness coaches all teach how one can make positive triggers or better still you can be free of triggers which are difficult to achieve based on your current level of abilities and constraint...

Life and its meaning seems such an illusion if we are just a state of mind !!!

To live means life is a constant Work in Progress

Every day there will be an instance where I feel oh I could have done it better, may be next time. 

This is what keeps life moving, imagine if I had to live each day with the same level of expertise, same reactions, same actions... It would have been nothing but a predictable pattern much like a bug free computer software, caught in same monotony, would stink in time like stagnant water.. I am glad there are bugs in life which keeps us on toes and help us improve.. makes living a constant work in progress.. you give up putting in effort, you give up life... giving up is moving backwards.. 

There is loads to learn, many skins to shed, many fears to conquer, I am glad my life is still work in progress and is progressing ahead!

Is Good enemy of Great or is it Viceversa?

Voltaire said this - Don't let perfect be the enemy of good!, My ex boss introduced me to this deeply philosophical concept and I liked it instantly when I heard her saying for the first time. 

I do tend to agree with it in the context of our work life where we often delay execution for want of perfection and that can bring down the desired impact, time as they say is critical in the fast moving world. The patient will be dead if we keep waiting for the best doctor to arrive, we need to trust when good is enough.

However while reading Steve jobs biography, I thought good can be the enemy of great.. Jobs brought some magnificent products with his sheer madness around perfection, around bringing a great product much ahead of its time, he rebelled against practical wisdom and he managed to create all of this only through this.. Had he also thought let perfection be damned, good is enough would we have not stuck in mediocre products? 

Does good not bring us a mediocre life? Striving for perfection is what gets us to move up... There are facets of greatness of which we cannot cut corners, we should not for our own good. 

What aspect to strive for perfection and what not, is a question we must answer and live with both the good and great....

Materialism - Have I got it right?

I always thought materialism is being attached to money, I have given a lot of effort to be less and less dependent on it.. However a thought bothers me is materialism only about money? I am attached to how I spend my time, is it not a form of materialism where I am trying to hold to a scarce commodity like money.. Does the spiritual wisdom not say  - All is transient?

It is a difficult attachment which I have and I have a feeling it interferes with my balance of how I need to live the life...

This bothers me... Have I got it right?

We are all the same

The more people I meet, the more I read, I realize we all are same.. the same emotions, the same fears, the same love, the same wants, it is just that the expression of this differs.. the underlying code is the same.. the answers to it differ based on what we conclude of our life struggles .. 

All go through the ups and downs, through their good days and bad days, through moments of elation and moments of sadness, moments of success and moments of failure. All want the same outcome happiness through - being in love with self, feeling secure.

I am saying being in love with self and not necessarily loved by others as I think that is an outcome of being in love with self in the right manner. Narcissist creates a delusion of self love and does not need others and outcome is achieved, most others self love is dependent on if others love, this is how most people are.. Without narcissism if you can come to a state where you feel, you are complete by yourself that is also possible. 

Secure is important as you need to be in the state for a longer duration, not just being there in here and now and worry about future..security brings permanence...

We are all the same and if we collaborate, trust each other, these outcomes can be achieved in a simple manner. Society, its norms like family, festivals, marriage, community are based on these principles..

Wisdom Decoded

Wisdom of living is about achieving a balance, balance tailored to your own unique reality, reality rooted in the 4 dimensions of - emotional (includes relations), physical (including material), intellectual & spiritual. 

Why balance? There are always opposing forces of desire and what you are capable of. You may desire a mansion but you may not be capable of generating that much of capital, you err in balance and you end up moving into dark areas of making money through fraudulent means. This is intra dimension balance. There is another inter dimension where you need to get it right.. You want the mansion and you single mindedly focus on getting the required capital ignoring other dimensions  - emotional,  spiritual; you make a mess out of it and when you have the mansion you have a lot of fear and you are standing alone... 

These 4 dimensions make life, achieving a balance and moving ahead in each is all it requires.

Life's Biggest Questions

For now there have been only 2 - What's the purpose of life?  & How do I achieve Happiness?

There is 1 more about which I will talk later, I realize these are definitely bull shit questions !!!! Yes I have been giving it too much importance trying to solve, thought, written, read tomes on this and now I think these are no questions to solve.. stop looking for a purpose and you will be happy, purpose is sought for happiness and happiness is a trick you can play with your mind... so if you are happy why need a purpose?

Few mind tricks for happiness- Arrogance, delusions, contentment, denial, narcissism, detachment, acceptance, etc.. there are many choose the one suits you... 

Rationalizations - Defense Mechanism

Philosophies, rationalization of what is the right way to do it are nothing but a trick mind plays to procrastinate. Justifying the state of no action...  We know it most of the times what feels right and what is right... right is as long as it does not hurt anyone..

We cleverly intellectually make fool of ourselves...

I have been guilty of this myself many times..  

The Wired World

I am just mesmerized by the kind of creativity, enterprise, intellect I get to witness through Internet. Recently, I have been surfing quite regularly through www.stumble.com and each time I do that, one or the other site bowls me over with what it contains or what is it about.. some of the top websites I stumbled upon in last couple of weeks:

www.picamemag.com/a4-pepercuts/  - A page which has some beautiful paper design by an artist

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2382OX/:1qQpgn3G7:UzMjJlQj/raining.fm/ - an app to make your own sound of rain, lightning :)

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2vHWiR/:Q.nRok5-:WLbPw_wv/bookshelfporn.com/?63c2cf08/ - some beautiful designs of book shelfs.. they call it bookshelf porn:)

www.strandbeest.com/  - this artist has created creatures out of plastic tubes  - this is just mindblowing

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/27cnNh/:7VoCJN2:SKVCSegc/weavesilk.com/ - this app helps you create your own designs

http://www.good.is/ - a social network place for people who are doing good in community, an excellent resource for people doing good or wanting to connect with good

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/6rKe8o/:t2V.AA9C:SE0D23oz/users.design.ucla.edu/~datadreamer/2daudio/projecttwo.swf/ - an application to make your own music - add a little bass, lead and have ur music..

Question: Desire or Responsibility?

What is that we need to choose when living life-  desire or responsibility? 

The one who favour desire give the logic that desire is superior as life is short live it, who knows what will happen in future. Responsibility is a creation of mind and each is responsible for self

The one who favour responsibility say defer desire or allow only once responsibility is taken care of, after all we are no island and we would have died if others had not done their due. We owe to the world..

What is it?

Thoughts or there is more to it #Vipassana

I was having a conversation yesterday with someone on Vipassana.. A friend of mine had recommended Vipassana to another friend which she thought could help her friend, and I was trying to answer the probing questions asked, the questions which are trying to evaluate if it will be worth it or not..

I always find these conversations difficult as explaining the rationale is not an easy task, the context is understood only if there is some foundation for it and further evaluation can make make you defensive. Anyhow I answered what I could but what struck me is - to problems we think thoughts are the solution, positive thoughts and logical answers . Meditation as a concept, silence which we have to follow in the 10 days of Vipassana is often liked as people conclude it will give a lot of time for introspection, give right logical answers to all the problems. Unfortunately meditation is not about introspection; it goes to the root of how we become. The root of what makes us, it is not thoughts, it is not feelings these are all outcomes. The root is a pattern of dependencies we have through our daily interaction of life, through the unique experiences we have had and the reactions we have stored. Each experience from typing on keyboard to sitting for a long time on chair, to love, to hurt, to loss.. millions of minute experiences which we undergo daily. The root we are unaware of, it helps get in touch with it and work on it, bring it under control to a desired outcome. 

Thoughts as a solution have become popular but are not powerful, they are just a small fraction of what can bring in control and happiness. If thoughts were powerful, reading one book alone could have made us all wise. 

Interestingly, neuroscience is also concluding there is much beyond mind and its thoughts.. do go through the following link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q06YIWCR2Js

And if you wish to know more about Vipassana - http://www.dhamma.org

Wisdom Tweet # 6 .. No Regrets

Few weeks back I read an article in times of India on the most common regrets people tend to have;  Yesterday I browsed an article on Internet on the top 10 regrets dying people have, it was collected through the  nurses...

These articles hint at what you must do so that you don't have to regret in life, it tries to give you a direction through generalizations of what people in general miss and therefore you should not. 

But I was wondering is regretting past serve any good? It makes you feel small, sad for missing out, robbing us of being happy in the present, happiness being the goal and it being the mental state of being, should we not just not regret and focus on the present and do what makes us happy...

Does regret do any good?

Butterfly Effect

Choices made at different times have made the events fold the way it is as of now.. what is choices were different how different life would have been?

The paths I choose, lead to a further network of paths, leading to a random destination, very different from what it could have possible been had I chosen a different one..

Why fret over right or wrong, there are just multitude of destinations,  infinite and it does not matter where you go as you cant experience all.. no regrets, regrets are useless as you just choose and the choice shows the way..

Purpose.. 3

Last I concluded on the topic that purpose is a hog wash and it is simple goals which take you to a little ahead are purpose. It may become big with time and if it is destined to, but the goal however small it may be when compared with those of the super heroes and their goals, it is still a purpose. 

Passion is misleading, all you need to know what you are good at and play on your strengths, you have to after all take care of your self. Besides, we are multi faceted so single minded passion in one area does not help, there are multiple goals for multiple needs.

Which goals is the next logical question and that is to be determined by the test what gives you happiness. I am biased to be pedantic here and believe spiritual goals, the one which help you to become larger than the selfish beings we tend to be, are better goals. This is however subjective, each individual sets it as per where they are, self awareness is critical here so that we know what makes us happier else we may traverse wrong roads. Self awareness also is a shifting goalpost, what I knew of me what I was few years back and could make me happy is no longer true, I know myself to be different from what I was earlier and not the same dreams gives me a similar happiness.  

This is broadly I had concluded last time but new data as I encountered lately calls for this blog once more.  Brene Brown or humanistic or positive psychology or process lab believe that connection, human connection formed with the foundation of love, belongingness or true feelings is what makes humans happy. The philosophy says we are inherently wired for connection; connection with other beings through love and belonging and therefore connection is itself is the purpose of life. Connection will lead to happiness, and that is the goal what is worth striving for.

However there is another strong data which comes from the eastern philosophy - Buddhism, Hinduism, and that is - craving of any kind leads to unhappiness, what we need to do is realize the transient nature of all objects of form and mind and free ourselves from cravings. This leads to happiness. Connection is also a craving so that is to be given up. 

Both the theories conflict each other, one says work to fulfil the craving for connection, it just requires you to be authentic, feel no fear of feeling and be vulnerable. It does not mean money but being true to yourself and being brave emotionally. The other says no craving just give up all if you seek happiness, all is an illusion. Each theory professes that mastering their wisdom in life is meaningful, the purpose of life. 

Both are appealing, and I believe in both hence in quite some conflict these days, which way to go and what road to travel...  Robert Frost poem - Road less Travelled with a twist explains this dilemma:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
Then chose one over the other,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Oh, I kept the other for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one which made the difference	.

Answers of New Beginning

Fear of rejection is because you desire connection,
Fear of judgement is because you desire to be loved,
Shame of unworthiness is because you desire others.

Give up fear, evaluate connection, love, unworthiness.
Give up desire with this new experience, neti neti.

Give up desire, of connection, love, worthiness.
Give up fear, of connection, love, unworthiness.

Start anywhere, start together.

Questions of New Beginning

You desire for chocolate, you also desire being thin... Do you eat it?
You desire to belong, you also desire freedom - Do you give in?

You desire for happiness, desire of chocolate is not happiness - do you work on it?
You desire for happiness, desire of anything is not happiness - do you work on it?

Is happiness about accomplished connections, through love and belonging?
Is happiness a state of being, free from all desires including connection?

Wisdom Tweet # 5

The small talks are a process to buy membership, to begin the connection... it is the window shopping before real shopping... They could be unintelligent talks but required.. We  are slow to trust and ready to accept vulnerability or be vulnerable...

Another Beginning

Want to make changes, from living through logic and analysis,  I want to move to the feelings part... The motivation comes from the process lab I attended @ Sumedhas and reading Brene Brown's Daring Greatly... 

Many questions pull me back.. how does it fit into Vipassana, am I drifting to an easier path? Vipassana offers as an end goal of becoming Buddha, this does not. 

Maybe it does not conflict at all, this says, forgive urself and allow urself to be bolder and vulnerable. Vipassana also does the same, the process is different... Vipassana is a process work with self alone, this is with larger group, the society we live in...both help in experiencing self and getting aware, and in process getting free...

My biggest learning at Sumedhas is to learn to listen to feelings, my natural reaction is my analytical self... not holding back feelings because of fear of rejection, fear of being judged, shame of unworthiness... however as Brene Brown puts it be aware of floodlighting.. watch your intentions when you are trying to be expressive, vulnerable... 

I feel challenged after a long time, it feels good. It feels as if I am on the edge about to learn something new n big... will help me take the leap.. At the same time I feel scared.. will I be able to have the courage to take this leap, will I allow myself to be vulnerable.. Will I give in to the logic - I am happy and content, why need more.. 

I also have doubts, does being vulnerable reduces you to be like a whining kid, whining for the lolipop.. an adult wanting to be loved, recognized... can I not do away this craving and be free, is that not superior? The doubts freeze me and am not sure where to step as I move ahead in life...

May be there is a middle path, do away with fear and don't hold yourself back.. at the same time work on your cravings and when you ready it will be taken care of by itself... watch your intentions, watch the trappings while you walk...

Life & Thoughts - 4

The life coaches teach:

I will conquer,

I will rise,

I will shine,

Say loud and forever.

World will conspire,

And it will be all yours.

Is it such a struggle?

Is it all about I?

Can we not do it together?

I will do my bit,

You do yours,

2 is better than 1,

more the merrier.

We just do what we can,

With honesty and integrity,

With care and bit of selflessness,

You and You all - 

Pull me when I fail,

Help me rise if I fall,

Give me the shine if I lose.

Is this not what society is about? 

No man or woman is an Island.

Wisdom Tweet #4

Why do I get a feeling I am chasing the wrong dreams?

Making sense through observing life...

As I look into life of all around, I see a common thread - 

• Chasing pleasure
• Chasing people for recognition, love.

The root is, looking for happiness.... 

As I further probe, pleasure is more straight forward money helps you buy it, however you need some sense of security to spend it; we are anxious of future and want to avoid pain, this  is avoided through money so we like to accumulate. 

Chasing people is more complex and very illogical, after all it is a function of emotions - an ability to feel and making others feel about you, we are much guarded. Like we need a sense of security by keeping money for future, we seek sense of security through avoiding rejection, being mocked at, looking weak as if we need the others to give us recognition and love. We hence create defense mechanisms, do not express which we feel as we may be seen as weak, dependent, needed. We live a life in second thoughts, controlled impulses, controlled feelings, trying to please, trying to avoid intimacy.  This very act of breaking free can help us get what we want, without money by sheer act of allowing us to flow... Web of emotions caught up with inter linkages  limit us to break free.  There is a caveat though you cant get till you give, complex is therefore I call it. 

Work? Life? Family? Balance? Superior?

My boss has decided to take a break, she is very passionate about her work, tipped to be next function head, all what you can think from work perspective which can make her successful is working for her - ability, passion, visibility, drive, ambition, etc. 

She loves her work and yet she is taking a break. A break for taking care of her kids. And therefore a lot of feminists and women folk wonder in office why? They think this is  how the system (social, organization) conspires and makes it tough for woman. I also know it has been tough for my boss to take this decision, making this choice would have not come without endless debate. The soothsayers all tell her she will be back soon, the time period varies but all say it will be quick. 

I can understand her debate but I do not understand the others argue on below points- 

• Betrayal of society for woman to give up her career, it is based on the premise work is of a higher order? I wonder, is it really? 
• Woman are being robbed of their independence, the terrible culture of work, India. I wonder - Who is independent in this world? Money comes with work but it does not take out dependence for any one of us, we are dependent on others at any point of time for our needs. Money is not the only need we have and does money buy us everything?
• It is a man's world. I wonder - Is it? why does the game we master to earn money become so superior? Is taking care of kids lesser than the office work we do?
• Why cannot man take a break? I wonder  - why does it matter, is it not looking from the lens that what woman has to give up is inferior and work superior? Can this not be considered 2 different tasks equal in value? No one is giving anything, it is just that more skilled is rotating to a role which needs attention, the role being take care of the kids?

I wonder - Why money earning activity has become so important? Why all other activities been relegated to an inferior position? Why do we need to judge this and make a big deal out of it. 

Time to Shed the Old Skin

"Even the finest books deserve to be thrown aside" - This is the last line of the book I recently read - How Proust can change your life, written by Alain De Botton, he quotes Marcel Proust here. 

The book overall was heavy for me but this ending line has caught my attention. 

Doing my self assessment as usual with each of these philosophical thought I think I am caught up with the books I have read, the theories, the periodic battle of to be or not to be; it is time that throw all of this aside, there is much to life which needs to be experienced, the books, the theories can only take me to a small distance, beyond that I have to traverse myself.

What holds back that experience is mental conditioning, the fears of different hues, the judgements and the desire of being desirous. 

It is time to shed the skin, and take another leap, wear the new skin...

Silver Lining Playbook - Some Quotes

Tiffany: I was a big slut, but I'm not any more. There's always going to be a part of me that's sloppy and dirty, but I like that. With all the other parts of myself. Can you say the same about yourself fucker? Can you forgive? Are you any good at that?

Tiffany: I opened up to you, and you judged me

Pat: How old are you? 
Tiffany: Old enough to have a marriage end and not wind up in a mental hospital. 

Tiffany: I do this! Time after time after time! I do all this shit for other people! And then I wake up and I'm empty! I have nothing!

Pat: The world will break your heart ten ways to Sunday. That's guaranteed. I can't begin to explain that. Or the craziness inside myself and everyone else. But guess what? Sunday's my favorite day again. I think of what everyone did for me, and I feel like a very lucky guy.

Tiffany: Why did you order Raisin Bran?

Pat: Why did you order tea?

Tiffany: Because you ordered Raisin Bran.

Pat: I ordered Raisin Bran because I didn't want any mistaking it for a date.

Tiffany: It can still be a date if you order Raisin Bran.

Pat: It's not a date..."

Nature vs Culture

Devdutt Patnaik's book Myth = Mithya explains this concept which is there in Hindu mythology. Are gods and stories revolves around reaching a perfect state, reach God through one of the ways of nature or culture. 

Nature is our original self, driven by impulses, instincts and lies within. There are no rules, think of early tribes, or hippies  -there were no rules of right conduct, marriage, god, etc

Culture is the society of rules, what  is right or wrong, culture is the conditioning, it is a construct on which society is based. Philosophically there is no right or wrong and one can see the same when we study different societies, each having a distinct culture professed for reaching perfection. Each society believing in its superiority, Marriage itself and rules around it are an example of culture, it is an artificial construct. 

Nature is represented by Shiva, Culture by Vishnu. There is always a conflict between the two, in individuals, in society, all over. 

I see myself impacted by this duel between the two, day in and day out. It reminds me of one my very good friend, he seems to be at peace with both, relatively speaking or perhaps it appears so. When we met last he told me of his meeting nature, I asked what about culture? He seemed at peace, no unnecessary explanation or guilt but of acceptance of both sides as right, and there seemed to be synergy in his mind. I could see the nature active and at the same time his selflessness, love and care much ahead of us cultured ones. I know it is cryptic but that is how I want for now :).

p.s. Hermann Hesse novel  Narcissus and Goldmund captures this aspect beautifully. 

Life & Thoughts - 3

Life, happiness are one.

Fulfilled life is infinite happiness.

What is the Way?

Happiness lies Within,

Within cries for others,

Others to recognise the within.

Is it not begging?

Is it not a trade?

Is it not an unending goal?

Is there another way?

Within can recognize itself.

Self goals and achievement, 

Love and praise thyself.

Is it not narcissism?

Is it not a lie?

Is it not an illusion?

Is there another way?

Few believe in an abstruse way,

Happiness they say is the original state,

Life, happiness were always one, 

Self, ego cast a shadow on life,

Destroy self, life & happiness will remain.

Infinite and unobstructed.

What do I choose?

Mix of all or only one?

Silver Linings... Eventful 35th

I must confess, it did take a lot of courage to say what I said, it is not easy even if I pretend it to be. If it was a few years back I would have not been able to even come to this point, I would have definitely cleverly crafted a logic why it will not work, why I must not even attempt anything like this. This is the silver lining and has made it all worth!

I now know a little more what it means to be vulnerable, I have guarded myself all these years, have kept a distance and have been superficial. Of course this goes back in time and has to do with what I learnt about life early in life, in my school days, all those early experiences made me restricted. I realize this today and I am glad I made a beginning to be vulnerable. This is the silver lining and has made it all worth!

With all my training of mind, it still feels bad. However if it was the time when I was younger it would have left me in a terrible state, I would have constructed more walls, moved further to a secluded corner. I realize therefore what it feels, and how the training has had a positive impact, how it is helping me heal and how it is allowing me to live more. It has strengthened my resolve on how meditation works. This is the silver lining and has made it all worth!

My belief that I have an understanding of what it takes to live, armed with my own crafted theories which this blog is a proof of are shaken. I am very pleased about this as it has open doors for more theories, of answering the question which I am plagued by - In the purpose of life what role other people have as we aren't an island? This is the silver lining and has made it all worth!

Like everything this shall pass as time waits for none, but it is leaving a mark by giving me a lifelong learning which I could have never had otherwise. I have moved ahead with this. This is the silver lining and I am glad about it!

___________________________

p.s. - Inspired by the movie "Silver Lining Playbook" and the eventful 35th

Who is superior?

A conversation with a friend and he mentioned about 3 corporate ways after MBA, the question is which is right? Each believes his or her is the most superior

• Case 1: Slogs 18 hours draws INR 20 million salary, lifestyle affordability is great... making more than he/ she is capable of, ahead of the pack. 
• Case 2: Independent entrepreneur, live by own rules.. business not successful yet, opportunity cost is high but there is some purpose
• Case 3: Taken work a notch lower than the actual capability, works 8 hours, plays rest of the time. moderate lifestyle. Not living to full capability though.

Who is superior?

to be continued....

Human Being is not an Island... 2

If we are not an island and if life revolves around others, how do we master ourself, what rules, values, methods do we adopt to get the best out of others. These are the question which want to answer.

Others can destroy you as their demands are selfish, where do you draw the line?

Self patting gives the freedom, direct love is strong but can make you dependent, how to balance the two?

I am not an island,

You all are a part.

Human Being is not an Island

It is a simple statement but that is what has been bothering me these days, this is now the question I am bothered with after the purpose question.  

The question is our whole existence is circling around only one aspect - how I fit in the eyes of others, these others I choose, I make my tribe of friends, family and I extend this in my mind each day. We are not an island and others define us. 

I am drawn to the same point as expressed in the last few blogs - life gets meaning through how I am able to get acceptance and love from others. One is an indirect source where I live some ideas, lifestyle, values, etc. which I believe will get me that acceptance, even if that does not come I do believe that it is there as these are the ideals, values, lifestyles are the exalted ones in the eyes of others. The other is a direct source where you have a circle of family, friends who accept and love you for what you are- the ideas, lifestyle, values etc.  

Life revolves around getting this love directly through a circle of friends and family or indirectly through self patting based on actions which you believe your tribe will admire and love you for. The tribe could be invisible but you feel proud, you pat yourself albeit it is a mental process and not a real one. That is the job of mind, if this messes up you end up in a mental asylum or get depressed.  

Life Can be defined as below:

• What I think of myself in the context of OTHERS and 

• What OTHERS think of me or

Or

• How I love myself for values which I think OTHERS admire or makes me a good man and 

• The OTHERS who love me 

Life Simplified ... 2

I am meaningless if you, friends, family, other humans don’t exist. Life revolves around how we relate to other people - impressing them, connecting with them, spending time with like minded, getting famous, getting loved for what I am, getting acknowledged from others, etc. you and me may choose different mix of tools to establish this relation to others and this determines our life. 

This is the foundation of our daily lives and with this comes responsibility for others, it is a give and take relationship and is not a one way street. There is one caution though too much dependency on it can be fatal, balance always required between give and take.

In this era of technology, information, gadget led entertainment, etc we are forgetting this important aspect, we must just simplify, de clutter and spend some time understanding and tackling it. Life can be a lot more meaningful if we learn to manage this aspect, it is not complicated. 

Quotes..

From the movie " The Beach"

"I still believe in paradise. But now at least I know it's not some place you can look for. Because it's not where you go. It's how you feel for a moment in your life when you're a part of something. And if you find that moment... It lasts forever"

"it's paradise. This is where the hungry come to feed. For mine is a generation that circles the globe and searches for something we haven't tried before. So never refuse an invitation, never resist the unfamiliar, never fail to be polite and never outstay the welcome. Just keep your mind open and suck in the experience. And if it hurts, you know what? It's probably worth it"

"When you develop an infatuation for someone you always find a reason to believe that this is exactly the person for you. It doesn't need to be a good reason. Taking photographs of the night sky, for example. Now, in the long run, that's just the kind of dumb, irritating habit that would cause you to split up. But in the haze of infatuation, it's just what you've been searching for all these years"

"You hope, and you dream. But you never believe that something's gonna happen for you. Not like it does in the movies. And when it actually does, you want it to feel different, more visceral, more real. I was waiting for it to hit me, but it just wouldn't happen"

Life simplified

I had this thought while meditating, life is about self and others who have life... These are the only 2 dimensions we are dealing with but how complicated we have made the dealings with life.

Life about self  - It is about how you run yourself as a unit, how you become stronger and better. How you grow, how you seek happiness

Others who have life - These are the other living beings which give meaning to our existence, if I was the sole person living on the planet, imagine how life would have been. Today a lot of life about self is dependent on how I am interacting with others, how I am able to get support of others, I support them to get their support, it is a symbiotic relationship. 

Every aspect of our day to day action is directed towards either taking care of self or how it helps us connect with others who are living. Does anything else matter? The material wealth we generate, the knowledge, the wisdom, the gadgets we acquire all are directed towards self caring or what is valued by others. These are tools to achieve the end... 

What it meant to me was that life can be optimized directly through a direct relationship with others and self without having the convoluted tools. It is about spending time with self for growth and time with others. Time with others has to be non judgemental, full of love, friendship. 

I think social structures, festivals, marriage all are created to make this end easier. Marriage, Social structure is created for getting others into your life - others where there is non judgemental, loving and friendly time...Clever were architects who created these institutions.. In current times however these institutions seem to be dissolving and is that the reason for  increased psychological negativities?

Why do we build so many walls and complication, why all other circuitous ways? Is it fear in general, fear of failure, rejection?