Keep Walking

Follow me I will take you to heaven,
Its a long way, will have to run,
Else the heaven moves further away,
We can't rest on this long journey
Think through, its a heavy burden to bear,
If you deviate you will waste your years.
_______

This is my dream and I will follow,
I know, my commitment is not shallow
I will follow it with unwavering grit,
Till I reach my dream, the heaven.

On the path for few years I have tread,
The journey has bestowed many rewards.
But often I have wavered and wasted,
Each time I  returned more determined.

Many times I fell, I learnt and rose back
How many mistakes will I commit?
How much will I learn from past?
Am I really learning? Am I in a vicious cycle?
I know not the answer, but this time I will not waver
With this determination I take the arduous path again.

Therapies of Life

I am an atheist and  if you have read my blogs you would have realized that. Atheism however does not limit me in believing in life which is larger than the lives we live. Much larger, a life beyond, something inside makes me believe my life will continue long after I am dead. I am not referring to work or assets I create here which may live longer but a concept which is non proven by science. I am talking about life after death. Anyway these are beliefs which I don't have a proof of and are best left unanalysed.   

What I want to analyse and leave a thought on is what are these larger beyond life concepts or God have a role to play in our lives. These concepts are the best psychologists and therapists. A belief in these give us human beings hope, a hope when most needed. At moments of failure or injustice or heartbreak or unhappiness  or hopelessness these give us a hope, a hope of life of dreams in time to come, as God or justice awaits in some form. These concepts give us a reason to believe in future and endure the travails with a smile. 

For the western world the God is much archaic and a life after death preposterous, therefore they have created similar therapists in glorifying stories of rags to riches like the one in the movie  - The pursuit of Happyness, there are many such stories abundant in Western world giving the average man a hope, a strength to face the bitter realities. It is as powerful concept as God yet it is not as effective. The problem is that it does not seem to create the same amount of reverence as God does and as these stories are human, God is supernatural. 

You may be wondering I am trying to say there is no hope and all the hope created is an illusion, a therapeutic tool. No that's is not the point what I am saying is these are 3 different ways (could be more) of powerful self therapy - God, Super Humans & Life After Death. Truth though is unknown and a mystery; may be death will reveal, that's my belief :) 

Time to Change

The way we are living life today when compared to few years back, there is a drastic difference. If we go back further in time there will be no similarity perhaps. The life today is led through means which require considerable use of mind and much less use of the body. 

Let me illustrate going through a typical day - you get up and are greeted by the housemaids and cooks you instruct them what needs to be done or cooked. Then you get ready, are off to office, you need to drive which also requires some mental skill, driving can be stressful for the mind with the way traffic moves in my city and I am sure it can be similar for same or other reasons in other cities. In office with your laptops, blackberry or smartphones, technological aids the work gets done  - all done through the use of mind and least physical work.  You come home driving back. At home high chances that work may be at back of your mind. If you are a family person you end up managing the demands of wife, kids; again requiring mental strength. 

All the above is aided by technological aids which itself transform within a span of 2 years and that adds more pressure to the mind to learn how to handle these new aids. If you don't get it you will be left behind and in some time the earlier aids will not be available at all - so you have to learn.

In contrast if we go back in time the requirements of mind, body were very different. This is also the reason why kids today are more developed mentally and not physically. The stimulus to mind they get today is extremely higher. This brings me to the conclusion that we need to give up old ways of training ourselves, our kids. No longer the old system can ensure we keep healthy. A lot of people if are suffering from diseases of mind (it could be mild depression, stress or severe breakdown) is because they are not trained enough for the demands of life. Understanding of the mind and its training is where we must put considerable time. 

Move away the wisdom of the parents, life is changed it is time to create new wisdom. 

How to become Perfect

Every time I go attend trainings or read some self help articles on how to become better in life I feel miserable.  Miserable as I think they are a complete waste of time. 

The programs can only sell if they give a definite solution to the aspect they address. Therefore you will see in all such articles or programs there is always a few points solution  - Do these 5 things and master leadership. These are the secret of effective communication deciphered form the greatest, a sure shot way to negotiate your way through deals if you follow these steps, follow this and you shall manage the change effectively.

MASTER THESE !!!! there are enough examples they have changed people and their lives.. transformed is the word the best trainers use..

I wish it was this simple and all of us had become perfect by now !! .. It never works as real life scenarios has many shades and a simplistic linear solution never works, it is a medley of many such steps in varying proportions which works. It has to be decided basis the situation at hand and it is a subjective decision. This decision making unfortunately does not have any steps, it can never have. Let me illustrate this with a few wisdom quotes:

ALL GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT

vs.

TIME AND TIDE WAIT FOR NONE

THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE FREE

vs.

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A FREE LUNCH

Contradictory principles when what applies and to what degree is a subjective decision, similar is about these trainings and articles. They can be good guiding post but no elixir.

Our trainings to make people better at what they do needs to change. It cannot be point solution but all trainings must be directed at the individual. It should train individuals at first to give tools to do a careful and honest self assessment plan and then directed towards working on the emotional quotient which is keeping the person away from being effective.

Yet again on Marriage

I think this seems to be my favourite topic ! I am reading this book by Bertrand Russell - Marriage and Morals, amazing insights..  he is a great thinker. His point is marriage was made as it is for many reasons and primarily linked with the economy, role of state. Cant agree more, I have read only 4 pages but just this thought is so appealing that I am writing about it. 

Anyhow will talk about it later. Right now there is another thought which I was thinking about what could have led to making marriage an extravagant affair. Throughout the world marriage is created to be a lifetime event. It is a big marketing event, huge parties, celebrations, lot of money is spent however not so much in divorce. Marriage is uncertain, unpredictable what it may bring to you but divorce typically is expected to end your current misery and bring you closer to regaining your happiness. Divorce perhaps calls for larger celebration..

The question I have why is it such a big event? why is marriage sold like one big romantic, idealist best thing to happen in ALL societies? I really wonder.. Marriage is much smaller event than birth of a child. Birth by all means is a lot bigger achievement and brings in a lot of positive change... Why do we not celebrate that much more than marriage?  

Marriage Outdated?

Read in the newspaper today that Mexico is planning to allow marriage contract for a fixed duration. At minimum someone will be married for 2 years post which is not renewed the marriage will be annulled. Very interesting thought! 

A lot has changed since marriage was conceptualized, the roles of men and women have changed, the life with technology has changed, the social structure has been transformed so marriage as it exists is in some way outdated. No wonder the rate of failed marriages has increased manifold. 

Few years from now I am sure a lot of what we take as sacrosanct like marriage will change and the current systems will be seen as we see the earlier systems. Take for example Purdah system, they were a reality and accepted sometime back but in today's context and the way we have grown it is nothing but a cruel system.. Question is -  Marriage: Is the countdown for its end begun?

Fear

What keeps us back from reaching newer heights is fear. The talented musician gives in to the herd and pursues a safe career. Fear of what if I am not able to make it, fear of being penniless. To trounce fear is important to move ahead, it can give exponential growth

But the challenge lies in recognizing the fear. Sometimes fear is conscious and many at times unconscious. A cynic is fearful of taking responsibility hence just doubts everything around. That's unconscious fear, he does not realize it ever and takes defence in intelligent cynicism. Then there are rational and irrational fears. The rational fears are not harmful like jumping off a moving train has to be associated with rational fear of getting hurt but it is the irrational fears which are troublesome. The question however comes what is irrational to one may not be irrational to another. Where do you draw a line? How do you keep growing to keep redefining these limits....

I fear the dark and its vice habitants,
I fear the light and its truth exposures,
I fear both and know not where to go.

Random thought

Just feeling overwhelmed with wanting to do something which I know is right. Just don't know where to start and if I have in it for me to do it. I am actually confused under the pressure of what is coming next and disappointed to see the results.

Experimenting right now with something which is not natural me just to know if this is any good !

Who Am I?

I am a pattern of thoughts ! yes not getting too philosophical here but trying to answer who am I in the sense what make me Sumit vs others.. I have become a big fan of recurring pattern of  - behaviour and thought process. 

What I mean by this is we all have a set pattern.. some are stuck in the pattern of feeling miserable and wanting someone to come to their rescue and love them.. all their life decisions, likes and dislikes of people depend on how the others reaffirm this pattern.. some have a pattern to control themselves and overcome impulses.. these are the people you will see burning the midnight oil.. some have a pattern of getting angry on slightest of reference to them in a negative manner.. each one of us are caught in our patterns.. different mixtures and varied patterns we carry.. The milieu of my patterns make me and that is the difference between Sumit and others.

Of course there are plenty of patterns but without dissecting it if one can fathom 2-3 major macro patterns (macro meaning summation of many mini patterns) you can easily predict overall behaviour how one will be in real life...  There are just few major ones.. this has helped me understand people better.. make better people decisions, manage people better... you have to just keep your judgement or rationalizations at bay and just see the recurring patterns.. people seldom break their patterns.. those who do also take a lot of time... the ones who typically do are the ones who invest a lot of time in investing to grow... mostly this is done in teen to early adult.. once adult and life is settled and is successful in the current pattern there is no impetus to break patterns... life goes on with similar patterns unless there is a paradigm shift in life needing a change... but as you grow it is much difficult..

Irony of office...

Today for most of us, the working class... office and how we are doing there determine our identity.. life revolves around the office schedule... success or failure at work determines self esteem, happiness.. and the irony is the office is the main reason for people being unhappy, stressed.. every one is waiting for the weekend or telling tales of his/ her office sucks!

There is another breed who think they have broken the chain through their own enterprise.. well they make their own office - become entrepreneurs and have their own set of employees stuck in the same loop..  

It is funny - the puzzle of life which we have created and are then struggling to find answer to the same... 

To Ratan Tata

Mr Tata read some time back what you said about the UK work ethic, they don't wait for you after office hours it seems.. They are not ready to stretch... But what's so big deal about it.. It is about  what they want to do with their life.. they have plenty of material comfort and by slogging and producing more steel how is it going to help their life.. will steel make them more happy...

Mr Tata I slog a lot but it is about personal choice and I don't think there is anything wrong if someone draws a time schedule... its just that they are not interested in running the rat race all the time of their life... some of us are marathon runners but many are not interested...

But I do agree with what you said of Mukesh and Neeta Ambani... 

Choices !

"I am pretty confused not sure what to choose. Both options look pretty good"

Life comes to this point many at times, confusing and delaying the decision. The wise quotes seem to not guide in such scenarios - 

Take the road less travelled. NO - Take the tried and tested one, ensures success. May be -  Go slow life is much more than the choice you are at .. phew! wise quotes are too many and if you have read more than one or you are thinking types... be sure the wise of yesteryears to confuse you and not help.... 

My own wise saying which may help.... Lets do a mistake but go by what is seeming most tempting.. Life is long and gives many chances of mid course correction.. let me go by what does not impact what I am really passionate about... or choose what may get me close to my passion... 

Wonder what makes people good decision makers.

Shut up Mind ! #4

Death reminds me of living life,
Life cajoles me to run a race to death.
_______________


Accepting oneself is the way to wisdom,
Acceptance kills my defence mechanism,
Acceptance reveals my dark evil kingdom.

Conflicts, shock about I is what I face now,
Is there no other path? I ask the wise one.

What made the difference? #2

I was talking about Vipassana to a few colleagues at work. It was an organized session, I thought there could be nothing better I could talk about. HR topics are a minnow in front of Vipassana... 

Vipassana has certainly made a difference to what I am today but what got me doing it and what made me sustain it and benefit from it is because of a basic quality of "determination". I have often heard about determination in many wise speeches, always thought it to be a quality required to make big leaps. Never realized for any degree of accomplishment there is some determination working behind. 

Determination is what brings about a change. I sustained Vipassana albeit headwinds with determination, I gave up my whims which were firmly established in my thought patterns through determination. The mind develops patterns, comfort and is not ready to give up the current state. It lulls you into give up change, the change from current state to a desired state is achieved through this quality.

It is a simple quality of keep going despite all the headwinds, the clever arguments, the laziness. It is a simple quality which can be strengthened with just a promise of keep trying till you succeed. Just being watchful and not let bury the promise. This has made much difference!

Shut up Mind ! #3

There is one mind but split into two foes,
forever a battle of ego between them goes.

There is one which says,
You can do it, You have it,
Nothing will happen, Go for it.
It motivates you when in doubt,
It gives you courage when in fear.
It pushes you towards the rising sun.

Then there is the other one,
Its questions make you cower,
Its memories make you doubt.
It shouts idiot just back off,
First one is tricking you in trouble.
It pushes you towards the setting sun.

With new action, learning I plan,
Both foes start their mind battles.
How do you think will I win?

Buddha said:

Strengthen first, weaken the second
This is how you live and grow.

But there will come a time when
you give up both as first can't exist
without the second, they are inseparable twins,
when the time is right you give up these twins,
and then forever the sun will rise and shine.

Act of Kindness

I am smiling and feeling good. The reason is the mail from one of my blog readers "angel" (as she calls herself). She says one of her friends liked my blog and wants to post it at their site Share a Smile. These youngsters are full of energy who have started this initiative to spread a smile in society. Kudos to them and all the best ! 

It is a small gesture, a compliment on my blog and it has triggered the good feeling. That's all it takes to be happy. If I have to go back in past all the people who I like are the ones who have supported me in some small forms and and people who like me are the ones I have supported. 

We are humans and depend on others. To feel loved and happy, it can just be an understanding smile from a stranger when you are nervous or just a kind remark when you are fearful or just a lending hand from a  colleague when you are struggling with loads of work. It takes a small loving kind expression to make a person feel happy. It is cashless, free way of spreading happiness. This is what a relationship is all about, no roses and valentine gifts on one fine day !

I heard a beautiful wise quote it said -  "Judge yourself by how you made the person feel who you had just stopped talking to. If the conversation  made him feel good you are on the right track". About wisdom there is another quote which I must say as all situations cannot be generalized in one quote - "There is wisdom in also picking the right wisdom"

Life's Myth - You Win !

Get me those high marks ! Go win in the field.. Slog and you shall win.. You are taught to win, beating the rest and keeping your flag flying high... Winning is associated with celebration and happiness.. 

But alas there is only one person who can win or if you want to extend the top 10 as winners then only 10 can win in this race where participants are plenty... So if winning is happiness only 10 can be happy.. pretty unfair! Life is not about winning, it is about the process of living, win or lose is a mere consequence but life time is spent in the process, it is the process which needs to be concentrated on. It is the process one has to enjoy and be happy ! Win or lose is inconsequential as long as you have moved ahead on the road, made some progress.... 

Time to relax, reduce the stress and just enjoy the process..

Win and you will be happy,

lose and you will be cursed.

To Win I toiled,

To Win I pained,

To Win I suffered,

To Win I lost,

To Win I hated,

To Win I cursed.

I can win without winning !

by loving the moment of preparation,

Who cares of the result?

I don't need to suffer, to bend

I have loved the road to end.

What made the difference?

Along with a good friend I was looking back at life... How I was as a teenager and how life has turned out and what I have become what has been the turning points. Quite an interesting journey it has been.

Both of us share in fact I will say most of us share the same story.. The story is of being in a confused state looking for an identity in early years to certain key events which help shape us a belief in oneself and one is ready to take on the world. This belief in oneself however flimsy grounds it may be sitting on has made me look at life with love and gratitude. 

There are few people and events who have touched me, nurtured me and made me grow in this journey, I am thankful to them. That is all has made the difference. 

God has messed up !

The current state of the world makes me believe, God has really messed up or may be it is the earlier god recruited a wrong person as a successor. Violence is rampant, people kill each other for no reason, there is mad rush for money, there is rape, corruption and so many other evils (unending list).......

To top it to wash your sins you need money as God needs you to offer prayers which costs. So poor who do not have meals to eat can just not do anything to wash their sins, they have to suffer....

Nietzsche's said in  Thus Spoke Zarathustra

God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? What was holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet owned has bled to death under our knives: who will wipe this blood off us? What water is there for us to clean ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we have to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we ourselves not become gods simply to appear worthy of it?

Being Happy

Happiness this is what we all are chasing, that is one and only goal which all of us have... Then there are complex theories of philosophy, psychology, growth, wisdom to explain this. I wonder is it so complicated that you need tonnes of brain power to get into philosophy, psychology to be happy... Cannot be. The creator or God has really messed up if it is this tough. 

A lot of people wonder on my status of being single and assume that I should be married to be happy.. The notions of happiness for people are set, have a partner, money. All this can make you happy. The judge who has been meditating for an out of court settlement believes so she said to be happy i must get over with this, stop thinking what is right or wrong just go ahead and be happy get the case over and marry again and be happy. 

On the contrary I am very happy. I may not be acquiring the conventional list for being happy. I am happy as I am without fear and insecurities, I am happy as I feel that happy. I have kind of drugged my mind, exercised and trained my mind to be happy. It is just the state of mind. It is an inner process and not acquiring a car or a wife, how can that make me happy as they are not inside me, inside me is the mind which controls everything. 

Lets look at anger to be angry do you need to acquire anything? you just feel angry as your mind does not let go of what happened, it is not trained to let go of, it is just sticks to it and is unforgiving, it is just in the mind. So is happiness it is another feeling which comes out of how you react to your interactions with life.

Happiness is a simple process of understanding the mind and steering it in right directions. Acquiring this knowledge of inner self is what leads to happiness. No complex theories of philosophy and psychology!

Talk it Over

One of my batch mate and a good friend has taken the leap.. leap away from the HR career.. she took it 2  years back, left HR did masters in counselling and today she is a practising counsellor. 

It is just awesome, you need a lot of strength and passion for this. Now she has launched a website - a model for being able to contribute to the world of suffering.. Wish her all the best, I am sure with her energy and intent this will go places.. 

Talk it Over - Wish you all the best !