Butterfly Effect

Choices made at different times have made the events fold the way it is as of now.. what is choices were different how different life would have been?

The paths I choose, lead to a further network of paths, leading to a random destination, very different from what it could have possible been had I chosen a different one..

Why fret over right or wrong, there are just multitude of destinations,  infinite and it does not matter where you go as you cant experience all.. no regrets, regrets are useless as you just choose and the choice shows the way..

Purpose.. 3

Last I concluded on the topic that purpose is a hog wash and it is simple goals which take you to a little ahead are purpose. It may become big with time and if it is destined to, but the goal however small it may be when compared with those of the super heroes and their goals, it is still a purpose. 

Passion is misleading, all you need to know what you are good at and play on your strengths, you have to after all take care of your self. Besides, we are multi faceted so single minded passion in one area does not help, there are multiple goals for multiple needs.

Which goals is the next logical question and that is to be determined by the test what gives you happiness. I am biased to be pedantic here and believe spiritual goals, the one which help you to become larger than the selfish beings we tend to be, are better goals. This is however subjective, each individual sets it as per where they are, self awareness is critical here so that we know what makes us happier else we may traverse wrong roads. Self awareness also is a shifting goalpost, what I knew of me what I was few years back and could make me happy is no longer true, I know myself to be different from what I was earlier and not the same dreams gives me a similar happiness.  

This is broadly I had concluded last time but new data as I encountered lately calls for this blog once more.  Brene Brown or humanistic or positive psychology or process lab believe that connection, human connection formed with the foundation of love, belongingness or true feelings is what makes humans happy. The philosophy says we are inherently wired for connection; connection with other beings through love and belonging and therefore connection is itself is the purpose of life. Connection will lead to happiness, and that is the goal what is worth striving for.

However there is another strong data which comes from the eastern philosophy - Buddhism, Hinduism, and that is - craving of any kind leads to unhappiness, what we need to do is realize the transient nature of all objects of form and mind and free ourselves from cravings. This leads to happiness. Connection is also a craving so that is to be given up. 

Both the theories conflict each other, one says work to fulfil the craving for connection, it just requires you to be authentic, feel no fear of feeling and be vulnerable. It does not mean money but being true to yourself and being brave emotionally. The other says no craving just give up all if you seek happiness, all is an illusion. Each theory professes that mastering their wisdom in life is meaningful, the purpose of life. 

Both are appealing, and I believe in both hence in quite some conflict these days, which way to go and what road to travel...  Robert Frost poem - Road less Travelled with a twist explains this dilemma:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
Then chose one over the other,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Oh, I kept the other for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one which made the difference	.

Answers of New Beginning

Fear of rejection is because you desire connection,
Fear of judgement is because you desire to be loved,
Shame of unworthiness is because you desire others.

Give up fear, evaluate connection, love, unworthiness.
Give up desire with this new experience, neti neti.

Give up desire, of connection, love, worthiness.
Give up fear, of connection, love, unworthiness.

Start anywhere, start together.

Questions of New Beginning

You desire for chocolate, you also desire being thin... Do you eat it?
You desire to belong, you also desire freedom - Do you give in?

You desire for happiness, desire of chocolate is not happiness - do you work on it?
You desire for happiness, desire of anything is not happiness - do you work on it?

Is happiness about accomplished connections, through love and belonging?
Is happiness a state of being, free from all desires including connection?

Wisdom Tweet # 5

The small talks are a process to buy membership, to begin the connection... it is the window shopping before real shopping... They could be unintelligent talks but required.. We  are slow to trust and ready to accept vulnerability or be vulnerable...

Another Beginning

Want to make changes, from living through logic and analysis,  I want to move to the feelings part... The motivation comes from the process lab I attended @ Sumedhas and reading Brene Brown's Daring Greatly... 

Many questions pull me back.. how does it fit into Vipassana, am I drifting to an easier path? Vipassana offers as an end goal of becoming Buddha, this does not. 

Maybe it does not conflict at all, this says, forgive urself and allow urself to be bolder and vulnerable. Vipassana also does the same, the process is different... Vipassana is a process work with self alone, this is with larger group, the society we live in...both help in experiencing self and getting aware, and in process getting free...

My biggest learning at Sumedhas is to learn to listen to feelings, my natural reaction is my analytical self... not holding back feelings because of fear of rejection, fear of being judged, shame of unworthiness... however as Brene Brown puts it be aware of floodlighting.. watch your intentions when you are trying to be expressive, vulnerable... 

I feel challenged after a long time, it feels good. It feels as if I am on the edge about to learn something new n big... will help me take the leap.. At the same time I feel scared.. will I be able to have the courage to take this leap, will I allow myself to be vulnerable.. Will I give in to the logic - I am happy and content, why need more.. 

I also have doubts, does being vulnerable reduces you to be like a whining kid, whining for the lolipop.. an adult wanting to be loved, recognized... can I not do away this craving and be free, is that not superior? The doubts freeze me and am not sure where to step as I move ahead in life...

May be there is a middle path, do away with fear and don't hold yourself back.. at the same time work on your cravings and when you ready it will be taken care of by itself... watch your intentions, watch the trappings while you walk...