to be or not to be

i am so logical most of the time... always rationalizing and building why's into all events of life...

but then i dont understand, i move by some silly melodramatic movies with love, romance, and relationships... i enjoy it and feel like transcending my life, the boundaries which i am living in.. transcending to make that diffrerence in someone else's life... and being loved for it...

It is funny as once the moment is over i am again calculating the siginificance of the thoughts and trying to know the whys... the emotional flow feels good but at the same time i feel scared as i think i may get attached, i cannot live upto others expectation, i cant give so much i am very selfish... or i may not like it and it may just be an illusion... myriad conflicting thoughts

life is so simple (i know logically) yet so complicated !!!

Understanding Life -2

In the last blog i mentioned life is about happiness, happiness a state of mind...

This state of mind is what is we should aim for but is extremely difficult to achieve.. the culprit according to me is the mind itself... this one is difficult to write about... anyways

mind gets addicted to ideas, thoughts, wants and therefore os the culprit.. let me try and explain..

you are happy, life is good, you have a good job, you are doing well... however you are single.. you meet a woman.. beautiful woman...  this is the first time u met her till now life was good content and happy... in a happy state of being... but you see this woman.. the mind says wow and wants her... you go home thinking about her.. u desire her even more... it so happens you bump into her and speak to her, she responds in a friendly manner... you now want her more.. the mind thinks about her make stories as how she will be with you, how life will be with her... creates an image a future though u are in present... and has a story which it starts believing in... mind works round the clock and develops a beautiful story... very much like the romantic movie he had seen with beautiful ending.. and they lived happily ever after... the story mind makes and this story mind sells it to itself so well that it starts believing life is shit without her....

so step back before he saw her, desired her a few days back he was happy... now he is unhappy.. very unhappy as he wants her, he is sold to a fiction story.. it is a fiction you have not lived the future you dont know how it will be with her.. but you dream and believe it to be so... but it is a dream and you feel unhappy till you get her... she may be married, engaged, may not like you who knows... but you are addicted to your story.... and till u get her or till you are rejected by her for whatever reason you will feel miserable.. if rejected well you will feel even more miserable...

what if you had not seen her.. you would have been happy with the way life was...

now the above is just a one want, but the mind is crazy.. each moment it creates more future wants... it wants to have a great party tomorrow, want to look good, be complimented, want a promotion, want money, want leisure, want lazy afternoon, want to win debates, want to watch a good movie, want to be fit, want to eat junk, want to have great physique, want to be most intelligent... the list is endless.. all is future, all is fiction with a happy ending story....

often these wants conflict and you never get all making you feel unhappy....

So life is about happiness, happiness a state of mind, mind sells future fiction story to be happy and since it is future, present is unhappy, worse the mind keeps creating future after future.. till death and never remains happy....

this state of mind should be the future mind must aim for and you can be then happier.. but how... maybe you have to stop the fiction and learn to enjoy with your mind the real, the present...

understanding life

I often say that life is complicated and difficult to understand... partly it is true... a very small part indeed is true... i have started to believe, the key to understanding life lies in understanding the mind...

life is multi dimensional and when i say above the dimension i am talking about is happiness... i think the purpose of life more than anything else is finding happiness, peace... and that is a dimension which can be best understood by one's mind... so life is only complicated to the extent you understand your mind... just one little mind :)...

let me explore happiness first...happiness is just a state of mind... it is not linked to acquiring assets or conquering some dreamland... though this can be debated..

but come to think of it, some booze and you are high, you feel happy.. you may have still not acquired the mercedez which you wanted to or the girl you want to impress is still unimpressed or ur desire of love may still remain unfulfilled but alcohol or a drug induces into a state of mind that you feel happy.. even when you are sitting on a pile of those unfinished, insatiated wants and needs...

booze is an artificial state of mind but it can be even without it.. happiness is not a prerogative of the rich or who have it all, one can be happy even otherwise...

It is a state of mind can be deduced in another manner, imagine a person who has only one desire to come first in some exam... even a 2nd place can led him to feel frustrated... he gives the exam but he does not come first... however someone tells him that he has... in that belief he feels very happy... he is not acquired it but mind believes he has come first.. mind first created a want and now just the belief he is first, he feels happy... just a state of mind.. only if he had wantd to come last he would have always been happy even without trying :)... it is not the rank first is an object which will go into your physical being and titillate you to happiness. it is just a feeling of a mind created through the want and desire...  it is a state which the person decided to be in only if he comes first... funny.. but whatever it is a state of mind, a feeling

you feel incomplete in some manner and you feel unhappy... start believing u r complete as whatever u are and you will be happy.. it is a state of mind....

a poor feels happy  when someone gives him some respect, he is not less happy than a person who buys a dimond set.. it is a state of mind which anyone can jump into.. and it does not need to be target oriented.. it could be just without target or without a want...

as a kid you are more happy as u just are in the state of mind you do not set yourself goals/ desires/ wants to be happy... u just feel happy...  without the girl, money, lazy time, favourite food, holiday... everyday is happy...

it is a state of mind but is a difficult state to achieve... and who can one blame... the mind itself, well will talk about it again in next blog...

Learning to see

i never thought that i will have to learn to see again... i will have to unlearn my patterns and train myself to see again... what i mean is that mind is always so busy and talkative that we see objects yet are not seeing... i know what i am syaing is confusing...

when driving my eyes are on road, when walking my mind is lost in thought and i just walk i see all the roadblocks i need to avoid and nothing else..

while talking to someone i am seeing the other person but my mind is reacting  - agreeing or disagreeing or collating my own response... my mind is processing not what i am seeing but what i will be reacting to person i am talking to.. i miss the body language

i am always preoccupied by thoughts and my mind is processing something else, the something else could be gratifying but i have lost the art of seeing...

i remember i had this realization sometime back... it was i think around the time i saw some photography by some great photographer who captures beautiful momens out of ordniary life.. he said u need to surrender to the moment and u will see what others fail to see.. thats the skill of photographer it does not lie in techinchal skill of clicking photographs...  it stayed with me and then while i was walking i just stopped.. stopped thought process of what i will do next or daydreaming.. just stopped or slowed the pace of life by calming my mind.. and then i saw the ordinary life, a building, a tree and some kids playing... it was different it was always there... i do stop someimes to just see and it always surprises me... there is interesting beautiful visuals everywhere.. one does not have to go to a scenic place always...

another question which i have but himalayas are still more beautiful, the answer is yes people see its beauty as it is so that forces you to see it... but if you see again by just slowing the life, calming your mind it can be even more beautiful...

now when i talk to people i look in their face at times, just stop listening, stop processing what is being said, slow down, calm my mind and see them.. they look different, i can see their face, the contours, the beauty, the ugly and everything... they look so different... they look lively

It is an interesting exercise, try it if u have also stopped seeing... you will see very differently and often it is quite amazing...