Want to make changes, from living through logic and analysis, I want to move to the feelings part... The motivation comes from the process lab I attended @ Sumedhas and reading Brene Brown's Daring Greatly...
Many questions pull me back.. how does it fit into Vipassana, am I drifting to an easier path? Vipassana offers as an end goal of becoming Buddha, this does not.
Maybe it does not conflict at all, this says, forgive urself and allow urself to be bolder and vulnerable. Vipassana also does the same, the process is different... Vipassana is a process work with self alone, this is with larger group, the society we live in...both help in experiencing self and getting aware, and in process getting free...
My biggest learning at Sumedhas is to learn to listen to feelings, my natural reaction is my analytical self... not holding back feelings because of fear of rejection, fear of being judged, shame of unworthiness... however as Brene Brown puts it be aware of floodlighting.. watch your intentions when you are trying to be expressive, vulnerable...
I feel challenged after a long time, it feels good. It feels as if I am on the edge about to learn something new n big... will help me take the leap.. At the same time I feel scared.. will I be able to have the courage to take this leap, will I allow myself to be vulnerable.. Will I give in to the logic - I am happy and content, why need more..
I also have doubts, does being vulnerable reduces you to be like a whining kid, whining for the lolipop.. an adult wanting to be loved, recognized... can I not do away this craving and be free, is that not superior? The doubts freeze me and am not sure where to step as I move ahead in life...
May be there is a middle path, do away with fear and don't hold yourself back.. at the same time work on your cravings and when you ready it will be taken care of by itself... watch your intentions, watch the trappings while you walk...
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