An important aspect in life to be successful be it work, relationships, is ability to assess people ... By assessment i mean understanding their nature/ abilities/ attitudes/ etc. Once you have assessed you make choices to work with such people for a more fulfilling life (work or personal)...
We are always making these assessments, you meet new people and you decide if he is your type or not and if you will like to meet the person again. Some people go by their logic and some others go by the feel/ instinct/ or vibes.. The vibes method may work well but it is not an easy one as the vibes can only let you know whether one is good natured or not but will not help one to predict the real person, that has to be a combination of 2... I am here to talk about the 2nd method which is through logic...
I have come to realize it is not an easy task... logic can only be applied to what one has been able to observe. so for this to work there are 2 aspects - one that you should be truly observing.. that is possible only if you are truly listening to the other person... no biases no judgements but just surrender to listen what the other person is saying... most of the time our mind just jumps to make judgements or is desparate to like or dislike based on what one likes or dislikes and hence clouding the listening capability
For example a person says i like spiritulaity.. lo and behold the mind says even i do, i am passionate about it... this guy has to be good. or he says he likes money... mind says he is pretty materialistic.. may not have integrity... such biases and generalizations run all over the mind all the time... it is something i have experienced while observing my own mind.. each thought which takes birth is evaluated in this fashion immediately by another part of the mind... if its a good thought it creates desire for it or else some kind of hatred.... postive generalization to some negative generalizations.. and if it is a material or sensual thing it will create desire for it....
the first step therefore is to uncloud the mind, train it to not jump to such hasty conclusions, generalizations, likes or dislikes as each person has his her own reason to do what he/ she does.. there are many variables which wire the whole picture and one must be able to respect that..
Most of the people i know, the HR ones who interview all fall in liking or disliking a person based on what their likes or dislikes are... it is often unconscious... having said this.. this may also not be bad as your likes or dislikes do shape you and some aspects can predict a human behaviour...
But there is a further underlying aspect which we are able to establish can give us a good insight into another human being or even ourselves... the pattern of thought process... by pattern i mean that your mond follows a certain automatic response each time it is thrown to experience life... A meditative man will always mediatate on his/ her or experience.. thats the pattern... a materialistic woman will always look for how she could make most out of the experience in material terms... thats the pattern.... these are macro level patterns if i go deeper and micro.. there are emotional patterns when one is faced with faliure.. how one reacts is a pattern... some of us will have work harder, some will give up... some will get stressed and just freeze, some will get cynical.. etc etc... these are the patterns which make an individual.. micro is on the emotional plane and tells us how one deals with experiences and life.. if it is constructive or destructive...
the macro tells us with these constructive or destrutive deals what is one trying to build for oneself... wiser, richer, famous.. etc.. these are the bigger goals one wants to lead his life to...
these patterns are key to understand human behavior... the ability to see this can only be possible if he are able to listen.. once we are able to listen after removing all biases... one must look for both the macro and micro pattern... macro will let us know the value system or the larger goal of the person and the micro will let you know the path. emotional intelligence one has.. it is actually a very important aspect to know if he/ she will be successful in reaching or living the value system he has.
Of course some one will think why bother about the micro pattern... as long as macro is good the micro can be changed.. i used to believe that but now i know it cannot be changed easily especially for adults as once developed it becomes our crutch without which we cannot do anything.. difficult to give up or break.. even if it can be changed it can be by person own willingness.. he should be uncomfortable and should have a value system of personal growth.. growth in terms of wisdom and only then there is hope and no guarantees... Often one gorws comofortable in his her own pattern as you invest in wiring your brain, making social networks which nurture your patterns.. you grow comfortable and hence rarely can come out of it... what i mean imagine a person who has a pattern to bully, has fun by tormenting others... he has a frien circle which praise him for this, he reads books, interprets in manner which support his theory... he is convinced he has no reason to break such a pattern... breaking such a pattern in adult life will mean that leaving all he has known, his friends admirers, his logics, theories.. and starting afrsh like a child alone... it is very difficult...
I no longer fool myself that i can change people, their pattern.. i choose people therefore who have a right pattern... but yes if someone is really willing and has the courage to drop incorrect patterns and learn... i will be more than willing to give support as much as possible....
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