relationship... my theories

I am in a mood to write... my fingers are itching so another one today

This one is my take on relationships, particulary emotional relationships, long term, in which people connect.. i have noticed 2 primary types of healthy relationships... one which almost all of us have and desire.. i would call it "mutual admiration".. well i mean that these are relationships which are created by us to feel good about ourselves, to fulfil our social need of being accepted by others, being praised, respected by others. where our individual self as is with whatever it is loved... the relationship underlying principle and the communication always between 2 individuals with healthy relationship is: "You are so beautiful and lovely" ... "Thank you, you know what, so are you"... so lets party together.. this beautiful and lovely comment could be on one aspect/ quality of individual and if there are numerous qualities/ aspects to mutually admire it gets the tag of intimate or close relationship... like of lovers or great friends, or couples....

You can never a relationship with someone who tells you how stupid you are...

This one if true and not marred by fake admiration are very fulfilling for an individual. fake admiration is what one need to watch out for... it can be fake by design or fake because mind is blurred... both are equally dangerous but the former is easy to identify...

latter is dangerous and thats why people say love is blind... our mind has biases and looks for generalizations... by generalizations i mean if you see one particular aspect in a person you tend to conclude or map the complete personality of a person.. like someone is passionate about classical music and you will chart this person how he/ she will be based on someone you know or have read about who is passionate about classical music... mind loves generalization it makes life very simple for it... it does not require to work... so one generalization lead to blinding us against what truth is... love and relationships can be blind. when the veil is unveiled and the blurred image is wiped off, it can be devastating...

Let me come back... "mutual admiration" is important for each one if us when we are growing from children to adults... as a child or when we are young.. meaning of life is derived primarily from what others think and therefore "mutual admiration" relationships are important.. it cannot be one sided admiration as it will not last or you will not value the admiration if it is one sided, you will take it for granted. it will be like getting an admiration from a 1 year old on your capability to run on your 2 feet... he may admire but you know he does not know that it is common at your age. it has to be mutual...

The other healthy relationship is nothing but a more evolved form of above, it is the 2nd stage, let me call it "mutual nurturing"..  this one is where you have become confident of yourself, of your being and you no longer need just admiration to establish your identity.. you understand that life comes with its bouquets and brickbats and you get comfortable with your self in whatever state you are... you no longer need admiration but need true companions who can support you and push you to grow as individuals.. help you nurture yourself to become a better being and realize the hidden capabilities we have as human beings... its not about the external world and the achievements but it is an internal journey...

most of us just get stuck in mutual admiration only.... to all the people who are looking for a long term fulfilling relationships, look for mutual admiration and potential in relationship to grow into mutual nurturing.. that will be a test for committing to a long term relationship... and beware of mind getting blurred with generalizations...