Story #1 - I had to make a presentation to a group on a subject which is close to my heart. I have done it many times earlier and have done well. I did not therefore needed to prepare. On the fateful day we started on time I made the right starts with the practiced opening but in between I faltered, it did not go well. I was disappointed. The self was questioning self, labeling self - Was I arrogant? Should I have not prepared? How could I?
Story #2 - I value giving, fearlessness and pushing myself to do better. I have been practicing Buddhist meditation technique Vipassana for last several years. There came an opportunity to volunteer for Vipassana. With my values it was a no brainer that I need to jump in and do my bit, but in between came my own pleasurable and comforting weekend plan which I had been waiting for. There began a conflict of what i must do, till the time of deadline of volunteering I was in pain, after that disappointed by self. A feeling of letting down self, How could I? I do think I do my bit on the values, but still the self was questioning self...
Failing to meet own standards of self happens often, there are many moments you live up to it, there are few you fail as well. But the failure sometimes grips the mind so much that it can go on beating you, making you feel sad. The emotion unfortunately has no reason and does not look at win ratios but goes on like a broken record on that one failure and the mind automatically accumulates all such transgressions, adds negative adjectives. Result - restlessness or anxiety or sadness.
These are the times to take solace in self forgiveness, self compassion - get silent and tell yourself "I forgive myself for being unable to live upto my expectations. It is a journey and next time I will try to do better". This does not stop here it may be worthwhile also to examine the values if they are in conflict with what you really are and believe in and have the next step planned.
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