Desire

Desire comes with both angels and demon... one part of mind wanting it and another chiding.. There is the heavenly experience of fulfilling a desire and there is buddha who says that desire is the root cause of suffering.. I have become a votary of chiding desires.. beleive that buddha was more intelligent than the pop philosophers, the intelligent well read people and my own intelliegence so for past few years I have been trying to walk his path.

Diffficult it is for sure but now i have come to realize there is more peace and happiness in not desiring.. I can love more without wanting more returns in my roamntic ways, I have more time to focus on giving than wanting. Though this is a long journey but i am finding it more fulfilling.

Earlier I used to cry for the lolipop I wanted, felt sad if I did not get it , cried till I got it and had no capacity to look at the suffering the other went through to procure one for me or my own suffering to follow as others told me to get that lolipop like do the boring homework, be disciplined :). I was being a slave to others to get that lolipop.

I am grown up now and I dont mind getting the lolipop, i can remain happy, or happier even without it and i dont have to take orders or trouble someone to buy me one.

Just that the lolipop in the adult age has become pretty complex and often unconscious.... as i said this journey is long...

my life highway

I have been lately so self absorbed in my own life that i had just forgotten the infinite space we live in. I had made life smaller by being involved in my own life and closing my eyes to all the beauty, depth and breadth life has.


Well i mean i have been working hard, climbing corporate ladder, becoming a good performer and favorites of my bosses when it comes to work. Life revolving around some excel sheets, powerpoints, meeting, plans, deadlines and reviews.

I thought i have stopped learning as a person, stopped growing and i started writing this blog. I did the right thing. Till now my blog was to clear my head and sharpen my thinking in my own way. With some random blog reading, I broadened my horizon and realized how i have been stuck in my own world and my own arrogance of my thoughts (though I don’t think i can or want to get rid of it :) it is my identity). There is so much the world has to offer, there is more to the way i see life and i need to take a detour from my own highway and experience outside.

I know it will be difficult to give much time given my work but let me make a beginning..

Life Myth 3 - I know it is the truth

I know it all or the arrogance of intelligence... let me explain what i mean by this. how often we just know that we know.. for e.g. some time back the scientists of the world believed that earth is flat.. so be it people mocked when someone suggested it is not flat.. all intelligent people but pushed into a new reality when they realized they did not know it all... same goes the story of flying... everyone mocked at who said we could fly, today you cannot think without flying.. then we thought we knew all and came internet all rules have changed and humans have become more ambitious now in thinking and each time when we know it someone breaks barriers and what we knew no longer remains the truth.

the above is on macro level, at individual level -  sometime i knew there is a god and i could argue with all others who thought there is none, i could challenge and feel pity on their not knowing but did i really know as I grew more and no longer do I have faith in an existence of god.. my theories have changed. at an individual level we carry certain set of beliefs, ideals in one phase and when we grow more and have an ability to look beyond the earlier capability we realize we knew s wrong and we know something new... we know today the rights and wrongs but when we undergo more experiences what we knew as truth no longer is truth.

As a child my i knew my parents could never be wrong about anything, i just did as i was told as they were ideal god like.... when i was a teenager i knew they were all wrong.. i just knew it and i could swear on this.. and now as an adult i know they are right in a lot of aspects and incorrect on others... but from there perspective they may be right in a lot of things but it does not fit my reality.. how i knew changes over a period of time.. yet what i know today i like to swear upon, add stress to myself and fight.

how often we fight on viewpoints in office, in life as to how some work should be done and that is the only way to do it correctly, i know it... At times it gets vetoed and you swear this will not work.. but more often than not it works.. if you are intelligent you will broaden your horizon else you say that well they were lucky...

few months back i thought people can be changed if given right direction until i was in a relationship with a woman who had messed up her mind from childhood.. then i got to know i wish i had listened to those who told me that i know it wrong this time... it happens with all of us all the time, you believe in what you know and you may know it also more often than not, but the fact is when you move ahead or time moves ahead and you experience or the world experiences something different the truth changes...  we really do not know much but we still are arrogant in what we know today.. and that for us is the truth and all others who know not are nincompoops....

if you are honest enough to look back you will realize that a lot of whatever you knew as truth earlier does not hold good today... it is changing... to an extent or completely... always changing

But i must also say that after realizing that you know not everything you must not get into a mode of non action, non decisiveness.. if you do you will lose it... you must acknowledge the action or decision today is the best as per my knowledge today and be ready to broaden your horizon, question midway and know better than what you knew a little while ago.. this is learning and a way to break myths and grow wiser..

another fact is that some people know better than you and some others worse... to know that is very difficult.. each has his own boundaries of knowing and can fathom only limited to that... for e.g. if you make this (what i am writing) child to read ( 5-6 years old who otherwise reads stories)... he will not fathom anything.. make some Einstein read it and he will say ahhh such a childish philosophy.. as he knows a lot more... make a party hopping kid read this and he will say well this is crap and what is the use... some will not know this as a truth and never fathom it.. for them what they know within their boundaries is the truth and not this... some others will acknowledge it and say it is a minor point there is much more to knowing... this is just a starting broaden your horizon...

life is funny or i am funny

well someone from jaipur wrote a comment on my blog..  it feels good given that i write anonymously and plan to do so.. whats the fun in letting friends know i blog and they comment... i desire to have my own following.. at least i can dream

thank you ma'am for your kind words on my blog... i love you for this

but the funny aspect is i read it and felt the pressure while writing my next blog,
not only that i typically sleep early, i am too disciplined here i am burning the midnight oil encouraged to write,
what is more funny is i want to impress her, forge a blog relationship with her,
i want to keep up to her expectations,
i am dreaming that... finally my blog, my time has come... i will be famous

man is life funny or is it just me?... it has to be life... always chasing appreciation, acceptance from others... thats what keeps keep people going through endless pains

this too shall pass.. end... die

so goes the famous saying, this too shall pass. it is meant for the lifes ups and down but if i take this to 30000 feet level.. i shall too pass one day. I will be old and dead.. could be earlier as well...

the thought does not scare me but confuses me.. that- if i will be dead and all this information my brain has been storing, all the HR gyaan i have and me being the greatest ( - ;) so i beleive), climbing corporate ladder at a good pace.. all the experience and hr wisdom i am gaining will be all gone... i will be dead.. will it not be funny my epitaph will read: "Here lies the manager who knew intricacies of HR and business life",

what shit!!! it is like creating a puzzle yourself and feeling good about solving it... all this business is a man made puzzle, there is more to life than this. much more... but the biggest question is what is that more? all people around me are chasing mindless information... someone is a finance whizkid, someone is marketing guru, some other is an automobile engineer, someone is coding, someone is an advertising freak, list goes on... all this has become life...  anyways i dont have the answers, till life answers let me chase HR and chase well else my epitaph will be even worse...: "here lies the manager who spent his life learning intricacies of HR and business but never could" ... this will be worse, defintely

Life Myth 2

Life is fair....



I just hope with all these statements someone does not think of me as a pessimisst, hopeless. I am not infact i am a hard core optimist and positive person. I like to see reality as is and not through romantic notions one have about life. I believe strongly if you know the reality only then can you learn, learning in life is very improtant for me. Knowing the real opens so many doors that it will suprise you, it gives more strength than what one can imagine..



Coming to the topic life is fair is a big myth. If it was fair - terrorists could not kill innocents, mental barbaric assholes would not rape woman, people would not sleep hungry, you would never be cheated, at work your real strength will be known to everyone, politics and created perceptions would not let promote the incompetent, i could go on with an endless list



If life is not fair one may think it is so hopless to be a part of it. Life is fair if you look at it in a different dimension. in dimension of time. If you do not look at the past or not create imaginary romantic notions of future which may or may not happen. Most often they (imaginary romantic notions) will not as we let our minds create a perfect imaginary world which in reality cannot happen in its entierty causing disappointment.



Look at the dimension from present. There might have been unhappiness in the past, if you forgive, let go, the present gives you opportunity to feel its beauty. Senses last for just an hour in a day the rest of the present is in feeling good and is a state of emotional being. We need to experience that.



Life is fair as it is lived in moving time, the past gets erased even before you know it... each second races it is fair if it is lived in present in the actions what you are doing.. It cannot be fairer than this if you look at it each second gets erased in the next second and if it was unhappy one perhaps you should be grateful it is gone and feel good.. life will be good.



The unfairness in comparison will always remain and accept it stop comparing and you will see all in all even if it is not fair it can be beautiful

You want me but... I want her

this is an interesting conundrum, applicable in all interplays of relationships.. I face this regularly. Like my younger brother wants to spend time with me but i have some work to catch up and i cannot. Like the girl i met in Mumbai wanted to marry me but i was chasing someone else and god knows who she was chasing :). there is always this race you are looking for something but someone is looking for you and you take that for granted.

the final decision who i give myself is often selfish . i give importance to what i want and not who is wanting me. that is what i have been doing all my life most of the time. the times when i am observant i feel guilty a lot of times this interplay goes on unconsciously..

i hope to do better and be able to give a piece of myself which is important to me, to someone who perhaps i do not want. That will be a real selfless act and not giving up piece of me which i am less attached to or have in plenty.. like money, like choice of food (i am not a foodie), etc

Networking

I am not a good networker in traditional terms yet i have a very good network.. it is kind of funny.. I am not the one who will be able to strike a chord like the instant coffee.. Say the word hi and few minutes i will be netwroked... my facebook is quite dry, you will not see any action..

still i have a good professional network.. i wonder how.. I think its been mainly 3 factors:

1) Information technology - It has made life simpler to connect
2) Everyone is looking for a network, so if you are in a position where network is required people approach you, you dont have to do much.. you just need to reciprocate well and most improtantly with trust
3) this is the most important one... Be ready to give when someone is in need. This really helps forge a good relationship, professional network. i have never hesitated to help someone in need of any information/ help... giving that time makes a lot of difference. people value that.. if you prepare to put in some effort in giving you will forge relationship..

network based on give and take is much stronger and is not seen as a selfish one. It is much more useful than the one made with smart conversations.

Give & Take thats the real secret of any relationship... Give first and then take.. that is crucial.

The life is looking for life

i wonder most of the time is this it? Today was reading quarterlife crisis.. it means being around 25 and wondering whats the purpose i need to more with life. I think i am goin through one. my life is looking for life.. though i wonder if there is anything like this. i could be just running away from all the stress of professional life and looking for an wasy way out.. If that is so i will hate myself for it so want to give myself some more time... my ideal life will be where i do make comfortable money but i am involved with some life.. i mean with human beings... i will like to teach.. not information but some wisdom... it will be wonderful to contribute to someone growth as a human being... to teach adults is very difficult so i would prefer to teach kids

my life hopes to find life soon

Feast of Love

"When we realize this moment of your life is the most precious one, we begin again"... There is so much life can offer and yet i am tied to my laptop and work most of the time. Yes i do good work and am considered as one of the good guys around in the function but is that all to life.
I see myself tied to work so much that this blog has become a rebel statement to my existing life. I have a simple theory  - work only perhaps uses 10% of what makes me a human.. a bit of anlaytical into some repetitive tasks and making people work through relationships, being a manager. Thats all given i am a human with so much left unused i wish to break the mould... experience varied emotions, go into depth, learn to be a better human being, explore the world outside of my laptop ... before death strikes me.. amen

i wish to also teach the world to break the mould and come out of being what they are now.. life is precious and now is the moment to grab it and make sense out of it.